A Moment of Callousness
by CJFAA
Summary: On the evening of her graduation, Ana tells Christian she might be pregnant. He walks out when she refuses to abort the child. Complete.
1. Chapter 1

"How long have you known."

"Since Kate and I came back from Barbados. There was a letter waiting for us. Christian, she told us everything, and I mean everything. How do you think mom and dad found out about Elena?" Of course, it all makes sense now. "Kate was ready to kill you. I have never seen Kate so distraught; you had run her best friend out of the country. God, Chris what were you thinking. You got the girl pregnant and then asked her to abort it. As if that wasn't bad enough you then told her she could go back to being your sub after she'd gotten rid of the babies." I was such a different man back then.

"I didn't know they were twins."

"Oh yes, it's easier to kill one baby." I flinch at the disgust in his voice. "Ana told Kate she was right about you, and she was sorry she didn't listen. She was such an innocent girl. Why did you go after her and worse when you found out she was a virgin you still went through with your plans to make her your sub. You should have sent her back to Portland and had your pimp send you a seasoned sub." I always thought my parents issue was Elena, now I know it was how I dealt with Ana and the pregnancy. What parent wouldn't be disappointed?

"I don't have any words that will make this sound any less horrible than it is. I was going to ask you to help me see her. I'd gone to the apartment several times, but she wouldn't answer the door. Little did I know she'd already left the country." He looks at me for the first time. "That Sunday at dinner when Kate mentioned Ana had left the country for a job in Europe. I knew she had left Seattle I just had no idea where she had gone. Kate saying it was Europe narrowed done the search. I was desperate to find her; I realized how badly I had behaved. I was going to beg her for a second chance. Flynn and I had started working on my fear of becoming a father; I had nine months to get myself in a position where I would be fit enough to be a father. I looked for her; I search for her. Hell, I went to Kavanagh Media begging Kate to tell me where Ana was. Welch, Barney, Taylor spent years looking for her. Do you have any idea how many laws I broke looking for her? Please Elliot, I just want a chance to tell her how sorry I am." I plead. Something I've gotten used to doing lately.

"Shit, Chris I wish I could help, but she doesn't want to see you. She doesn't want anything to do with you. I'm sorry."

"It's okay; I am the one who should be sorry. What are they like?" His beaming smile breaks my heart.

"Ray…"

"That's his name?" After her dad.

"Yeah… he's your double with Ana's eyes. It's like looking at you at that age. Except…"

"I know… looks like a four-year-old should." I say.

"Incredibly smart, they both are. Will talk your ears off… Chris…"

No, no carry on." The hurt I feel must show.

"The girl is Phoebe. She's Ana's double with your eyes. Has got the puppy dog look down to a science and they know it. If they want something and the answer is likely to be no, Phoebe is the one that comes and asks." He smiles, and I can't help but feel sick to my stomach. I have missed so much and if I don't find a way to get Ana to forgive me I will miss more.

"Anyway… thanks for coming out. I should let you get back before Kate comes out looking for you." He gets out of the car. "If anyone can get that girl to forgive you, it's you. Don't give up." He says before shutting the door. I don't intend to.

 **MAY 26** **TH** **2011- FOUR YEARS 9 MONTHS EARLIER**

 _"Are you having second thoughts?" I ask as she's very quiet and hasn't touched her cup of champagne. "Ana, come on talk to me."_

 _"You know Kate, and I are packing," she says twisting her fingers on her lap._

 _"Yes, it's rather obvious," I say with a chuckle._

 _"Well… I was emptying the small trash can in my bedroom when I noticed something wet at the bottom." She says nothing for a while._

 _"Ana just say what you need to say." I almost shout._

"Thecondomsplit. _" She says it so fast I have trouble hearing her._

 _"Ana," I warn._

 _"The condom split." I almost drop my teacup. I feel the room spinning, and I see her mouth moving, but I cannot hear a word. "Christian, Christian, put your head between your legs." I do as she says, and I feel my breathing coming back._

 _"Are you sure?" I breathe._

 _"You tied the end of the condom, and I could see the small split in it... so yeah." The condom split. I can't be a father; I mean what kind of father will I be. I beat small pale brunettes most weekends for fuck sake._

 _"Ana' I'm not cut out for fatherhood."_

 _"I'm twenty-one, do you think I want this. I graduated today; I have no life experience…" I stop my pacing and look at her with a smile._

 _"Good, good, we are on the same page. If it does turn out that you are indeed pregnant, we will just get rid of it." I look at her, and she looks back at me in horror. "What, you want to keep the baby?" I ask in fear._

 _"I'm not killing this child. This child is innocent it has done nothing wrong. How could I live with myself knowing I killed my baby?" She rants. She can't possibly be serious._

 _"Neither one of us is ready for parenthood," I argue_

 _"We have nine months to prepare." She counters._

 _"Ana, either you get rid of it, or we are done. I do not want anything, and I mean anything to do with it." She looks up with glazed eyes. "For fuck sake, I do not need your fucking tears right now." I take a deep breath and sit beside her. "Ana, think about this logically. We are not ready for this. Getting rid of it is the best thing to do. We can go back to this after it's all said and done." I point to the contract. "We will have fun. You just graduated college; your life is just beginning. Do you want to be saddled with a baby right now." I implore her to see reason._

 _"I'm not having an abortion," she says defiantly._

 _"You silly child." I bellow, and she flinches. "If you want to keep it, keep it, but I will have nothing to do with it. You are on your own." I storm out of the apartment. I take the stairs and out of the building, glad to have Taylor still here._

 _"Escala." I bark at Taylor calling my lawyer. "Ned, I want you at my apartment right now. We have work to do." I bark and hang up._

 _Within hours, I have the papers drawn up giving up any rights I have to the child I include a check for five million dollars and wash my hands off her and the child._

 **JUNE 9TH 2011**

 _"You did what?" Flynn asks looking at me in horror. All the years I've known Flynn he has always had a neutral or impassive look no matter what I tell him and right now it's nowhere to be seen._

 _"Flynn, I'm not cut out to be a father. I am a…"_

 _"Yeah… I have heard it all before. As excuses go, you have convinced yourself of being a sadist. You are a lot of things Christian." He takes a deep breath and looks at me with such disappointment. "I never thought you of all people would walk out on a pregnant girl. If your birth father had stood by Ella, I firmly believe you will never have those cigarette burns on your chest and back." I feel my food making its way back up. Oh god, what have I done? "From what you've told me about Ana she will not take your money." She wouldn't, she hasn't, the money is still in my account._

 _"Oh god, Flynn what have I done." I'm almost in tears. "The very thing I swore I will never let happen to another child if I could help it. Hell, my family has a charity to help young girls in this very situation." I put one there._

 _"It's not too late to go to Ana and beg for forgiveness. Come back here and will work on getting you prepared for fatherhood." I bolt out of his office, and I'm grateful she's now in Seattle. I pull out my phone and get the address. I'm there in no time and take the stairs to the third floor. I bang on the door. "Ana, it's Christian." I bang again and again, and I get nothing. I know she's here Elliot helped them move. Shit, I can't call him or Kate they are in Barbados. "Ana, please open the door. I know I behaved badly." I bang on the door several times and get no answers. "God, Ana I'm sorry I know I said some god awful things to you... please Ana. I am so sorry, Ana I am pleading with you." Still she doesn't answer. I really made a mess of things._

 _"Dude she's not here. I saw her leave with her luggage." The guy across the hall informs me. Of course, she's visiting her mother in Georgia. She will be back Friday._

Except she never came back.


	2. Chapter 2

**ANA**

"How was the run?" I ask with a smirk.

"Emm… yeah…" He stutters.

"It's okay Elliot; he 's your brother you are allowed to talk to him." I chuckle at his sheepish look. "Just jump in the shower as you would after a run before Kate sees you."

"Thanks, Ana," he says running up the stairs.

"Uncle Lelliot, where is you going?" I hear Ray ask.

"Where _are_ you going?" Phoebe corrects.

"Same thing," Ray responds clearly annoyed to be corrected.

"Going for a shower." Elliot finally answers with a laugh.

"Mama," Ray calls running to me. He jumps on the couch and places his head on my lap. "Hair." Is all he says? I chuckle running my fingers through his hair.

Phoebe joins us on the couch picking up the remote control to surf through the kids channels. She has always been the independent one of the two. Since they were babies, were Ray always needed more affection Phoebe was happy to do her own thing.

I know why Christian was here today. Since I arrived in Seattle three weeks ago, he has made various attempts to see the kids and me. He knew where I was for a week and yet made no effort to come to Georgia. All of sudden, I'm suppose to believe he had a change of heart the day I left to see my mother.

The kids know who he is despite having never met him. I made it clear who he was a year ago when they asked, and I felt they were old enough to understand. It was heartbreaking when Phoebe asked why he didn't want them. I was honest and told them he was scared of being a daddy. Surprisingly they understood.

After all these years I'm still finding it difficult to get past his callousness when I last saw him. I feel nothing towards him, but that day remains with me, I don't think I will ever forget it. I gave him a couple of days after he walked out to cool down hoping he'd be more susceptible to the idea of being a father. Boy, was I wrong.

 **MAY 29** **TH** **2011**

 _I approach the lobby with trepidation and stand there looking in awe at the grand design of the lobby. I've only being through the garage. There are three elevator banks, one clearly marked private. "Hello Miss, can I help you?" An older gentleman is a sharp suit asks kindly._

" _Emm… yes, I… I'm here to see Christian Grey." I stutter._

" _Is he expecting you?" I shake my head in response. Despite that, he calls the penthouse. "What is your name?"_

" _Ana…Ana Steele." He hangs up seconds after that._

" _I'm sorry, he doesn't want to see you." I nod and turn to leave._

 _The following day I try again. This time, I see him coming in with Taylor despite calling out several times he completely ignores me and enters the elevator without a single glance my way. It is the same pattern for the following two days. On my fourth attempt, he's clearly had enough and turns his cold glare on me. "Unless you are here to tell me you have aborted it, we have nothing to talk about." He whispers in my ear and stands there waiting for my answer. I can't even look at him as I shake my head. "I don't want the damn child. My life is not conducive to having the damn thing in it, so sign the damn paperwork and leave me the fuck alone. If I see you here again, I will not be held responsible for my actions." He snarls._

" _I will just go to your parents." I finally find the courage to utter those few words. The words that reveal just the kind of person I'm dealing with._

" _And I will sue you for the paltry sum you have. You will spend the rest of your life paying off your legal fees by the time I'm through with you. Do not fuck with me Anastasia I will destroy you, your precious daddy, your mother and whatever husband she has now. I can't believe one pussy can cause me so much grieve. This is what I get for going after a virgin. They give it up to you, and they think you owe them something. Well, if I do I gave you a check for five million dollars, which should cover it. Hell, you can even get a plastic surgeon to sew it back in place if it makes you fell better." He spits at me with condescension._

" _If she comes back here call the cops. She's trespassing." He barks at the lovely gentleman behind the desk._

" _Come on young lady lets get you home," he says escorting me out. "Should I call you a cab?" He asks, and I shake my head. "Ana, look at me," he says in a rather stern voice. "He's an asshole and one who has shown you his true character. Please do not come back. Do not come back because he's not worth your time or tears. Dry your eyes and do not shed one more tear over him. Concentrate on your child and do the best for him or her. Hold your head high." I sniff and nod my head._

" _Thank you. What is your name?" I ask trying to hold back my tears._

" _It's Thomas Efron, but my friends call me Tom." He hands me a card with his number, and I walk away. His advice is probably the best thing to hear, but it is easier said than done._

That was the last time I saw or spoke to Christian Grey. I signed the paperwork a week later, tore up the fucking check and left to visit my mom. I had every intention of coming back to Seattle until Bob got me a job with his brother in London. Working in London for six months wasn't an opportunity I could turn down. The day before I left for London I made the decision I was never coming back to Seattle, with that in mind I wrote Kate a letter telling her everything. She couldn't have been more right about Christian.

My dad went to our Seattle apartment and took all my things, luckily for me most were still in boxes, and I didn't have much. Kate told me how she tried to stop my dad from taking my things or leaving the apartment, but in the end, she had no choice but to let him go. It broke dad's heart to see Kate so distraught

Strangely I wouldn't change a thing. If I did I wouldn't have my babies; I have a life I never dreamed of. I wanted to be an editor. Instead, I became a writer, now on her third book. My latest book has been out a week, and it's already on the New York Times best sellers list. When I first got published, I was heavily pregnant, and I didn't want the fame that came with it and therefore published under the name Rose Lambert. With the exception of my parents and publisher, no one knows who Rose Lambert is. I thought my book sales would be paltry because I didn't want to be included in the promotion of the book. Turns out my need to remain anonymous was all the publicity I needed. My Publishers put a brilliant spin on it. About how the story was based on my life and due to signing an NDA I couldn't reveal my identity as it would reveal the identity of the bastard that had left a young girl pregnant. Little did they know how true it all was.

Patrick, Bob's brother, encouraged me to write about my experience with Christian. I cried myself to sleep every night for almost a month, and he couldn't stand to hear it anymore, it broke his heart. Writing became an outlet, soon my crying turned to acceptance, acceptance of what had occurred with Christian. I chalked it up to a huge lesson in life and before I knew it. I had moved on and concentrated on my babies. Except life wouldn't let me forget about Christian Grey, but my encounter with two Greys was a happy occasion after it was all said and done.

 _ **NOVEMBER 22**_ _ **ND**_ _ **2011**_

" _Ana." I turn around to find a shocked pair of eyes staring at my bulging pregnant stomach. I'm surprised she remembers me from our brief meeting._

" _Hello Grace," I said just as shocked. "This is my husband, Carrick," she introduces absentmindedly._

 _"Hello, Mr. Grey." I greet warmly._

 _"No, it's just Carrick." He looked like he wanted to say more but doesn't._

" _Would you like to sit down?" I offered as clearly this was going to be a long conversation. I move up the park bench to give them space to sit._

" _Is it Christian's?" Carrick jumped straight in after composing himself._

" _Yes," I reply simply._

" _Does he know?" This time, it was Grace._

" _Yes, he doesn't want them," I say without hesitation or the wretchedness that would have tinged my voice six months ago._

" _Them…" Grace mutters with a beaming smile._

" _What are you having?" Carrick asks. For the first time, his voice softens._

" _I know one is a boy; the other one just won't cooperate," I say with a giggle._

" _Why didn't you come to us?" Grace says sadly._

" _I signed his NDA. He threatened to come after me, my dad and my mom and her husband. He threw a check at me and told me to leave him the fuck alone." I'm surprised I feel nothing for Christian as I talk about this. "He wanted me to abort it, as he called the babies. When I refused, I saw something…" I stop realizing I'm talking to his parents._

" _Please tell me you kept the money for the sake of the babies." Carrick practically begs._

" _I couldn't," I say with a sigh. "I'm surprised you don't know," I add._

" _What do you mean?" Grace asks._

" _I wrote a letter to Kate telling her everything. I know she got it because she left messages begging me to come back and that if you knew you would protect me. Elliot reiterated her point; he told me Christian wouldn't have a leg to stand on if you knew." Their shocked and irate faces say Kate and Elliot didn't tell them._

" _Well, that explains their damn right cold behavior towards Christian. Six months and none of them said a word." Grace says shaking her head._

" _We will speak to Christian…"_

" _No, no I do not want him to know where I am. I left Georgia on a military carrier so there no evidence of me leaving. As far as Kate and Elliot are concerned I am somewhere in Europe because if by some miracle Christian attitude changes… well, mine has changed, and I do not want the man I last saw anywhere in my life or my children. He signed away his rights to them, and I'm keeping it that way." I tell a shocked a Carrick and a fuming Grace._

 _"Yes, Kate informed us a week after they got back from Barbados that you had accepted a job in Europe." Grace lets out a humorless chuckle. "Christian left the table to make a phone call."_

" _He did what?" Carrick bellows as though he didn't hear a word Grace said concentrating solely on my comment about Christian signing his rights away. "Grace the boy signed away any rights to the children."_

 _"I heard." she says with a sigh._

" _There is a forty-five-page legal document stating Christian Grey is in no way responsible for my children," I emphasise._

" _Forty-five pages." Carrick mutters. "Is there any way I can see it._

" _Yes, we just have to walk across the road. Being this pregnant with twins, I can't go far." I joke as Carrick helps me up. We make the short walk to my home in Noting Hill._

" _Ana, who lives here?" Grace asks looking around the foyer._

" _At the moment, it's just the housekeeper and me. My parents do come to visit a lot. They will be here next month till the babies arrive." I inform them._

" _What do you do? Carrick asks._

" _I work for Patrick Adams…" God I remember when he gave me this place, I damn near collapsed in shock._

" _The philanthropist," Grace says in awe._

" _Yep, I also have a writing gig. The two combined keeps me in a relatively comfortable lifestyle." Since I don't have to pay rent._

" _I'd say," Carrick says with a chuckle._

" _Both jobs I can do from home. Organizing Patrick's life doesn't take up much time, leaving me time to write for the magazine." That is until I get published which should be any day._

" _There you go." I hand him my copy of the document._

" _Good lord," he mutters just looking at the size of it._

" _Would you like something to drink? I think I have coffee somewhere." I say heading for the kitchen._

" _No dear, you sit down I will get Carrick a cup. You just tell me where everything is." I do as she says. God knows my feet are killing me._

 _We chat for almost two hours before Carrick comes out looking grim. "I never thought one of my children could be so cold and heartless. Grace… even if the children are dying and his blood or some part of him could save them, he doesn't want to know." Grace's sharp intake of breath is heartbreaking. "He wants nothing to do with children come hell or high water." Carrick sits down with his head bowed._

" _I knew he was cold when it came to business, but to do this to a young girl is heartbreaking," Grace says wiping her tears and stares at the floor._

" _We are so sorry." Carrick finally says. "How am I going to keep quiet when I see him?" Carrick ponders out loud. I feel terrible for putting them in this position. The man I saw will not care what his parents say he will take everything I have for telling this family._

" _I'm sorry," I whisper._

 _Grace turns her angry glare on me. "Don't you dare apologize, you have done nothing wrong. Accidents happen and to think he would do this to you… after what his birth mother went through is despicable. She was left on her own after her high school boyfriend got her pregnant and walked away leaving her and Christian to be abused by a pimp."_

After learning about Christian's mother, the minuscule part of me that still felt something for Christian Grey died a quick death as I realized just how cold-hearted he really was. Grace and Carrick kept their word and said nothing to Christian. Elliot and Kate, on the other hand, were not so lucky. Grace and Carrick came back after the New Year and stayed until after I had the twins. Somehow they managed to keep my location from Kate and Elliot; they didn't have Christian's resources to track Carrick and Grace. That was the very reason I didn't want them saying anything to him because he will follow them right to me. He will find me and take everything for breaking his precious NDA. I'm sure Carrick and Grace will not see me thrown out on the streets but that meant Christian would most likely pull further away from his family, and despite my lack of feelings for him, I didn't want that for him and his family.

"What are you daydreaming about?" Kate asks looking flustered.

"When Grace and Carrick first saw me in London," I tell her with a smirk knowing what happened to her and Elliot after they came back to Seattle. "Why are you looking so rattled?"

"I'm praying my roast chicken comes out cooked… on the inside." She says and I can't help but laugh. Since Ava arrived almost three years ago, Kate has been learning to cook with varying degrees of success.

"Kate, all you have to do is cook it at the right temperature keep it covered till it's cooked and then take the cover off and let the skin go crispy and voila you have yourself a perfectly roasted chicken."

"Easy for you to say. You are like Martha Steward in the kitchen." I chuckle at her annoyed look.

"Hey, baby," Elliot says coming down from his shower.

"Hey, how is Ava?" Kate asks with a smile.

"Sound asleep," he says going up to Kate and rubbing her stomach. "I hope this little guy is just as easy. How is the food coming along I'm starving." He says just as the doorbell goes indicating our first guest as arrived.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: A word of advice the flashbacks will NOT** **be in chronological order. Please pay attention to the dates.**

* * *

 **ANA**

"I'll get it," Elliot says giving Kate's bump a kiss.

"Hello." Ray is up and off my lap in a heartbeat followed by Phoebe at the sound of Tom's voice.

"Tom." I greet him warmly. Kate raises an eyebrow at me, which I ignore.

"Now I remember you. You work at Escala." Elliot exclaims. Kate is positively vibrating with her need for information.

"Yes, I manage the building and on occasion I like to play concierge," he says handing over a bottle of wine. The kids are glued to him as they haven't seen him in a while.

"Tom, this is Elliot and his wife, Kate." I introduce.

"Hello." He kisses Kate's hand. "You look positively radiant." The man oozes charm.

"Watch it." Elliot growls. Tom smirks at him before turning his attention to the kids.

"Look at you two... every time I turn by back you grow inches."

"We have grown." Phoebe agrees.

"Man, that accent throws me every time." Elliot chuckles. The kids have English accents, which everyone finds cute.

Hello." Grace says as she and Carrick walk in. "The door was open," she adds.

"I left it open it saves me having to get it every time," Elliot explains.

"Oh, hello Tom, didn't see you there." Carrick chuckles as they shake hands.

"Grandpa, I solved the puzzle." Is the first thing that comes out of Ray's mouth.

"Show off." Phoebe grumbles.

"Only because you can't do it." Ray counters.

"Kids." I warm before it turns another one of their arguments.

"Sorry…" somehow the kids see him before anybody else. "ED." Phoebe damn near burst everybody's eardrum.

"Hello, guys," he says picking both kids up. Both Kate and Elliot stare at him in awe. Yeah, he has that effect on most people. Tall, dark and handsome would best describe him with his black hair, dark blue eyes.

Fuc… fudge, you are Edward Warrington-Huxley." Kate says then looks at me in admiration. "Steele, do you know how to move on or do you know how to move on," she says earning a chuckle from Edward. Edward, as it happens, is in mergers and acquisitions and owns one of the biggest media conglomerates in Europe and Asia and has in the last few years gained a strong foothold in America.

"You must be Kate," he says with a smile that had me wet the first time he flashed it.

"Ye..." she clears her throat. "Yes, I am."

"I'm Elliot, her hus…" he doesn't finish as Kate elbows him.

"Daddy, daddy." Ava can be heard through the baby monitor.

"I'm going to get our daughter, try to still be my wife by the time I get back." Elliot teases and quickly moves out of the way before he earns another elbow to the ribs.

"Hello Carrick, Grace. It's lovely to see you as always." Ed turns on the charm.

"You too Edward." Grace says with a smile.

"Hey Ana," Ed finally turns his attention to me. He envelops me in a hug that has me melting in his arms before planting a near indecent kiss on me.

"Eww." The kids groan.

"I look forward to the day you realize it's anything but eww," I say.

"Well, depends on..."

Carrick." Grace warns against whatever he was about to say. Every bad word and naughty thing my kids know and do is courtesy of grandpa Carrick.

* * *

"Ana your food as always is spot on." Carrick moans.

Emm… you mean my food." Carrick stares at me, and I nod.

"Kate I apologize. Wow, your cooking as certainly come on leaps and bounds." He praises.

"We all remember the roast chicken from my birthday," Elliot mumbled.

"What was wrong with it?" Ed asks, and Kate looks embarrassed. The girl has never once shown any embarrassment towards her disastrous cooking.

"It was charred… not burnt, charred and raw on the inside." Elliot chortles.

"Oh, I've done worse." Ed says with Ava on his lap; she refuses to vacate much to Elliot consternation.

"It's true," Phoebe says from Carrick's lap. "He makes the toast black all the time." She moans. Kate gives me a smirk as Phoebe has inadvertently revealed that Ed spends the night.

Elliot and I are cleaning the unfathomable amount of mess Kate made while cooking. "Elliot say what you have to say." I giggle.

"Am I that obvious?" I nod. "He looked for you. He spent years looking for you. You disappeared so quickly. He is so sorry for what he did. I know…"

"I was in Seattle for a week after I last saw him and then spent another week in Savannah." I take a deep breath. "The day you two came to the club in Portland how did your brother know where I was." I see it dawn on him.

"He tracked your phone," Elliot answers dejectedly.

"I waited a week before I signed the paperwork and sent it to him. I spent another week in Savannah praying for a miracle. I left my phone on just so your brother could track me. Please, do not tell me I disappeared so quickly. I waited until I could no longer wait. I didn't send the letter to Kate to spite your brother; I needed her to understand why I did what I did. I knew sending that letter meant he would end me for defying him, but I had to tell Kate, you and your parents. Your parents needed to know why I disappeared with their grandkids, can you imagine what it would have done to them learning about them years down the line. I had no idea I would run into them so soon. I was taking your family away from you, and you needed to know why. When I realized Kate hadn't confronted him, I felt relieved, but I quickly realized it wasn't about me breaking the NDA, I no longer wanted him in my life."

"I see." Elliot looks grim.

"I could not directly go to your parents, but I could send Kate a letter letting her know everything," I say with a shrug. "I did what I thought was best. You needed to know; at the same time, I couldn't pit your family against him. I didn't want that, no matter how I felt about him." I say shutting the dishwasher to start the first load. "I missed you and Kate terribly. " I add.

 **TAYLOR**

"You are supposedly some of the best in your various fields. She was out of the country that was evident. You gave me all sorts of reasons why she couldn't be found, chief being she had changed her name and without that information finding her would be next to impossible." Grey says in a measured tone. "She's been in the country for three weeks in that time you have nothing for me. You can't tell me a single thing about her, not even the name of my kids; I got that information from Elliot." They are not yours,; you gave away that right.

"I have tried to access her phone and laptop through your brother's Wi-Fi. It took a lot just to locate her phone, and I can't get in. The firewall on her phone… I have never seen an encryption system so complex. I have spoken to some hacker friends of mine. Sir, no one knows where it came from. I have no idea where to begin." Barney says exasperated.

"Welch."

"She arrived by private plane." The asshole finally looks up. "It is the only conclusion I can come up with. Private charters as you know do not have to declare the names of their passengers…"

"Only the number of people onboard." He finishes with a resigned sigh.

"And my parents?" He asks looking at me with hope. Sorry fucker got nothing for you. I heard his parents chewing him out from the car the day Ana arrived in Seattle. I didn't think Grace could be that loud.

"The only evidence of travel I can find on your parents is a trip to Monaco last year."

"Fuck, I know about that. I gave it to them for their wedding anniversary. They have been in Ana and the kid's life for years. There are pictures of them together, pictures other people get to see. They must know something."

"They are covering their tracks," I say in a bored tone.

"I'm not after her for breaking the NDA. I just want a chance to apologize. An opportunity to know my…" My iPad beeps and his head shoots up. "Do we have anything?"

"Yes sir," I say with a frown. "It appears Tom knows Miss. Steele, he just arrived at your brother's house."

"Who is Tom?" He asks.

"He is the building manager." He lifts his eyebrows at me. "This building," I add.

"How does Ana know the fucking building manager?"

"Well, sir… she did spend hours in four consecutive days sitting in the lobby waiting to talk to you." He runs his fingers through his hair and rubs his face.

"Keep trying," he says dismissing us. "Taylor."

"Sir."

"This has no bearing on anything." I know exactly what he wants to ask, I have to say I'm surprised it's taken him this long to ask. "Even someone without three of their senses wouldn't miss your change in attitude towards me since that day in the lobby." He stops as his voice breaks at the end. I save him the trouble of asking.

"I don't like failing in my job. I do everything to the best of my ability. With that said… I won't deny the fact that I smiled, as every attempt to find Miss. Steele failed. You should never have gone after her, but surprisingly you showed a certain affection for the girl I haven't seen you show any of your subs." I take a deep breath before saying what I have to say next. "Your behavior in the lobby that day was down right disgusting. She gave you something precious, something she held onto for twenty-one years and you threw it back in her face. The only reason I am still in your employ is because Gail begged me not to go. She said you needed us even though you don't show it. I am still here because of her. I have no sympathy for you in regards to Ana and the kids. You gave up the rights to the kids the moment you had that paperwork drawn up, and you have no rights to Ana after that day in the lobby. Is there anything else, sir?" He stares at me with his mouth open.

"No," he says shaking his head.

I walk out of his office and my iPad beeps again. I look at the footage, and my jaw drops when I see who is making their way through Elliot's gates. He is there for Ana. Grey is going to completely fall apart when he learns of this, and that is the least of his problems. When his family learns the full extent of the conversa... no, the abuse he hurled at Ana, God help him.

 **JUNE 10** **TH** **2011**

" _Taylor get Welch on the line." He's all but pulling his hair out. Miss. Steele has yet to return from Savannah._

 _I get Welch on the line. "Sir."_

" _Welch, track Miss. Steele's phone." No please. No thank you. You'd think savages brought him up. These things never bothered me before but since that day in the lobby, everything about the man makes my skin crawl._

" _She is currently in Savannah. Sir, she only left for Savannah yesterday."_

" _That's all Welch," he says dismissing him._

" _Taylor, post someone here. I want to know the minute she gets back."_

" _Sir." Is my clipped response._

* * *

" _What are you smiling about?" Gail asks._

" _Ana is not coming back." My smile gets bigger as I tell her. It's been a week since she left for Georgia._

" _How do you know and does he know?" Yeah, her feeling towards Grey is no better than mine, and yet insists on staying in his employ._

" _Elliot and Kate returned from Barbados yesterday, and we arrived at his parents the same time they did. Gail, they were cold towards him. You know Elliot, he's loud and boisterous, but his answers were clipped, and he looked like he wanted to hurt his brother, he had his fist clenched. Kate was damn right hostile towards him. There's the piece de resistance; Kate called Ana's phone begging her to come back. She told Ana the Grey's would protect her if they knew. She said she would get her father involved if she had to. Gail, they know everything. I'd surmise Ana left a letter or an email detailing everything with Grey." Gail's smile is as broad as mine._

" _Does he know?"_

" _Nope, and I'm not going to tell him. He had a chance to apologize to her, and he didn't. She's been in Savannah for a week, and he's known that and yet didn't go. If he actually wanted to apologize, we'd be in Savannah." I say smiling, but Gail's smile fades, and she looks worried._

" _He'd find her," she says with a sigh. "With the likes of Welch and Barney, it wouldn't be long before he finds her."_

" _I wouldn't worry about that," I tell her smiling._

" _What have you got up your sleeve Jason Taylor?" she asks with feigned annoyance._

" _Absolutely nothing. If she told Kate and Elliot, she told her father. He's ex-military. We look out for each other." No sooner have I said it and my point is proven. I get a text message informing me Mr. Steele just arrived at Ana's apartment. "Looks like I have to get back to work." I walk back into the apartment and find him at the piano just staring at the keys. Unfortunately, I have to inform him of the latest development._

" _Sir."_

" _What is it?"_

" _Mr. Steele is currently at Miss. Steele's apartment. He is packing all her belongings into his truck. It appears Miss. Steele is not coming back." He's pulling at his hair again._

" _Fuck, fuck, fuck." He stands up and starts pacing. "Follow him," he says like it's some ingenious idea._

" _Mr. Steele is not going to lead us back to his daughter," I inform him with pleasure._

" _Follow him." He barks and turns his attention back to his piano._

 _I had Sawyer, the newest addition to Grey's security team follow Mr. Steele to no avail. The man drove to his house. Unloaded the truck and that was that. Sawyer stayed on Mr. Steele for three days and in that time, there were no sightings of Ana._

* * *

" _Taylor."_

" _Barney, what can I do for you?"_

" _I can't find her," he says in a panicked voice._

" _Can't find who?"_

 _Miss. Steele, the last sighting of her was on the 9_ _th_ _. She was on a Delta flight from SeaTac to Savannah/Hilton Head International airport, since then… nothing. There is no record of her leaving Savannah. Taylor, she is not in this country and yet there is no flight record of her leaving the country." Barney says bemused._

" _What about the private area of the airport?" I ask despite knowing the answer._

" _Nothing, I know she will not be on the private flight's list as they don't have to give the names of their passengers. That's beside the point. There is no surveillance of her going to the airport I have looked at traffic footage since she arrived in Savannah. There is footage of her leaving the airport with her mother, but then nothing after that. It's as though she just disappeared off the face of the earth." He says looking thoroughly lost._

" _Well, tell Grey," I tell him. He sighs knowing he's going to be on the receiving end of the man's tantrum. I walk over to Andrea's desk asking to see the boss despite knowing he's not free. I needed to hear his reaction to Barney's news._

" _Is he free?" I just about finish my sentence when I hear him._

" _People do not just disappear off the face of the earth. Find her or I will get someone who can." He shouts. Barney walks out looking grim._

" _I think I better dust off my resume," he says calling for the elevator._

" _Andrea, get me Taylor." He yells._

" _Yes sir," Andrea says giving me a sympathetic look. The man has been intolerable since he found out Ana wasn't coming back._

" _Sir."_

" _I want you and Welch to co-ordinate with Barney on finding Miss. Steele." He says rubbing his face raw._

" _We are not going to find her," I tell him point blank._

" _Explain." He barks._

" _Her father is military, and I firmly believe she told him everything. If I were in Mr. Steele's position, I will call in every favor to keep my daughter safe, especially when it has been made clear to her that the consequences would be severe if she were ever to break that NDA. She has and he is protecting his daughter. We military guys watch out for each other, especially if one of us had a daughter in Miss. Steele's position we would make sure she couldn't be found. I believe… no, I know that's what Mr. Steele did."_

" _You have the military contacts that can find her," he states._

" _Everyone knows I work for you. Mr. Steele most likely gave them your name. No one will take my call regarding this issue. I'd be burning a lot of bridges if I even made the phone call." I tell him honestly._

" _Taylor I am desperate." Whose fault is that? "I do not give a fuck about the NDA. I want to apologize; I want to be there for my child."_

" _They don't know that," I inform him. "Your only option would be to go to Mr. Steele and plead your case." He gawks at me._

" _Use what you have to find her," he says dismissing me."_

We had several of those meetings. We never found her, and now she's back, and it's not good news for Grey. Edward Warrington-Huxley has gone toe to toe with Grey in seven different acquisitions and Grey has lost every single one. He hates the man, and now the man is dating Ana.


	4. Chapter 4

**JUNE 1O** **TH** **2011**

 **ANA**

" _Ray, I don't know what to do. I am at a complete loss. She says she can't tell me because it will ruin us all." I hear my mother crying on the phone. I saw the look in his eyes; he will not hesitate to do as he threatened. Why did I not see that man from the beginning?_

" _Please." I hear her implore before she hangs up. I confine myself to my room for the rest of the day._

" _Knock, knock." I bolt up at the sound of his voice._

" _Ray." I cry throwing myself into his arms._

" _Annie." He holds me as I cry my heart out._

" _Come on baby girl talk to me." He pleads. I shake my head. "Annie, I promise whatever you tell me stays in this room till you decide otherwise." My father is a man of his word. I break down and tell him everything. He is deathly quiet for a long time._

"A _re you sure you are pregnant?" he asks._

"I'm sure _daddy, but I haven't taken the test yet." I whisper. I'm sure I am as my period was due over a week ago._

" _Well, first thing first let's make sure you are before we get ahead of ourselves." Ray with my permission tells my mom I could be pregnant. Mom takes me to a family planning clinic, and they confirm I'm pregnant. The drive back home is uncomfortable. "I didn't want this for you. I wanted you to have lived a little. You know... go through a… oh Ana." She sighs. "We are all here for you. Whatever you decide to do, whatever you want to do we are here to support you." She says firmly._

" _I don't want to go back to Seattle… not just yet anyway." I utter twisting my fingers in my lap._

" _Then you won't," she simply says. "Would you like to go to London for a few months." For the first time in weeks, my eyes light up._

" _Really." I screech._

" _Yes, really." She chuckles._

" _Bob's brother lives in London. He needs a writer on his staff... you know, someone like you. He has never been the public speaking type, but he wants to draw more attention to his work, and that requires appearing in public. Bob recommended you if you want it."_

" _I can do that," I say practically jumping in my seat. For a few minutes, my mind is not occupied with thoughts of Christian Grey. My mom gives a Ray a subtle nod confirming my pregnancy._

"Come here, let's talk. _When you get back from London, what do you have in mind? I know it's a few months from now, but you have to put plans in place." Good question. The last few days I have been asking myself the same questions._

" _He might not want the child, but I might end up with a baby that looks just like him. What do I do then; continue to deny he's the father. Kate is dating his brother for god sake. I can't hide a child from her and knowing Kate; it won't be long before she figures it out." After all, Christian is the only guy I've been with._

" _The asswipe clearly hasn't thought this through." Dad grumbles, and I have to laugh as swearing isn't something he does. "It will be easier just to stay in London," I mumble._

" _Then stay," Dad says directly. "We will come and visit. Your mother, Bob and I will be there for the birth." Knowing I wasn't coming back I sat my mom down and told her everything. Ray reacted a little calmer that I expected. Mom made it clear she will be planning the death of one Christian Grey. After her moment of madness, she encouraged me to tell Kate everything. Despite Christian not wanting the child, the Grey's had a right to know they had a grandchild. One they might not meet soon, but they needed to know. The plan was every time my parents visited I would send pictures, videos and updates letting the Grey's know we were doing well. Hopefully, in time, I could go and visit them, or they can come and visit me. With Christian's band of hackers and trackers who knew how long that would be._

* * *

" _First thing in the morning I will be driving you to Hunter Military Airfield from there you will board a military carrier to RAF Northolt. You will be picked up by this guy." He gives me a picture. "His name is Mr. Black." I give him a raised eyebrow._

" _Yeah, I know, but it is what it is. He will take you to Patrick Adams. Now, where is your phone?" I reluctantly hand it over. "This will stay with me."_

" _Dad…"_

" _It stays with me, Annie. He's made his decision, he's had time to change his mind and come to you groveling." He grumbles._

" _I will forward Kate's messages. This is your new phone and laptop. I called in a few favors." He says handing me a new iPhone and Mac. "It will be upgraded every two years to keep the security software up to date. In time, I will give Kate a phone and laptop… after the storm has calmed from her confronting Grey." He smiles openly loving that idea._

" _Sorry dad… I can't begin to imagine…"_

" _You are my daughter. No need to thank me. Hell, the motherfucker charmed me too." Do not be at all surprised when you hear Grey was attacked and beaten up to the point of hospitalization." I know he's not joking, but right now I can't bring myself to stop him._

 _As hard as I try I can't console my mom; it's impossible. Bob had to pry her off me as Ray rushed me to the SUV. I get in to find a stranger driving. He is clearly military with the buzz cut and stoic demeanor. "Annie this is Ralf."_

" _Ma'am." That is all I get._

 **RAY**

 **JUNE 18** **TH** **2011**

 _I arrive in Seattle I little later than expected and immediately clock the SUV watching Kate's apartment. I take the stairs to calm myself down before I knock for Kate. I knock, and I hear her talking to someone before she answers the door._

" _Ray," she says surprised. "Ana is not here. She's not answering her phone either."_

" _I know."_

" _Emm… come in. Would you like a drink?" She offers clearly flustered. I have a feeling removing Annie's property is not going to be easy. "I take it you got Ana's letter?" I ask._

" _Ray, she doesn't have to leave the country. His parents will not stand for this." Kate pleads._

" _Kate it's too late. She already left." I inform her. She breaks into tears "I'm here for Annie's things. I will keep it at mine. She didn't want to leave without an explanation despite the consequences. Confront him if you wish, it makes no difference he will never find her. I will in a few months send you a package that should help you contact Ana." The tears start to run down her cheeks, as furiously as she wipes them away it still comes._

" _Mr. Steele." The boyfriend's voice breaks. "I have no words to ma…"_

" _You, do not owe me an apology," I growl. "But know this, if I ever run into your brother, I will make a mess of that pretty face of his. My daughter has just finished college and was about to start life, and he destroyed it all. I will not hold back, tell him to stay away from me." Not that him staying away will stop me._

" _I am going to kill him," Kate growls._

" _You are probably more likely to get to him before I do." I chuckle humorlessly. Taking Annie's things from the apartment proved to be a task of epic proportions as Kate just lost it._

 _My mood was not helped by the goon he had following me. I made no effort to lose him and drove straight home. He sat across the road for three days before he left. He is never going to find her. That thought gave me some peace._

 **ELLIOT**

I get in my truck after everyone goes to bed. I can't believe him; he had a chance to get me in his corner, but all he did was lie to me. I do not know what happened the last time Ana saw him, but something did. The look in her eyes is all I needed to know that something happened. It wasn't a conversation; that much is clear.

I park in front of the building; they can give me a ticket for all I care. I enter the code for the elevator. I'm bouncing with anger as it climbs. I find one of his goons coming out the security office. "Where is he?" My voice leaves no room for argument.

"In his office." I nod. I storm in without knocking.

"Elliot, has something happened." He stands looking concerned. Where was that concern when he got Ana pregnant.

"I am going to ask you one question and do not lie to me." He looks at me for a few seconds then nods.

"Did you know Ana was in Savannah for a week before she disappeared?"

Yes." He whispers with his head bowed.

"And yet you didn't go after her. Why not, Christian." I'm damn near shouting at this point.

"I don't know." He is lying.

"What happened the last time you saw her?" The shame is written all over him. "You more than threatened her about the NDA. What did you do Christian?" He won't look at me. "I was the one person you had in your corner, the one person who was willing to plead on your behalf. Ana, you are not going to get back, but the kids you stood a chance. Not anymore."

"Elliot, please." He pleads.

"So you have a voice. Answer my damn questions if you want my help. You've lied to me enough. You searched for her my ass."

"I did," He growls.

"What do you want, a fucking standing ovation for searching for her after she didn't want to be found. A week, a fucking week she was a hop and a skip away, and you did nothing. You have a plane of your own, a pilot of your own. You have no fucking excuses, which leads me to believe you didn't want the kids if you did you would have gone to Savannah." I walk out of this office more disappointed with him than I thought possible. I understand he had a horrible childhood, and then Elena added her brand of abuse to the equation, but fuck, Ana and the twins could easily have turned out like his mother and him.

 **CHRISTIAN**

By the time, I come to my senses and decide to go after Elliot the elevator is closing. The look of disappointment on his face is gut wrenching. My only chance to know my kids just walked out thinking the worst of me. Not that he is wrong. I couldn't tell him why I didn't go after Ana because whatever he thinks of me now will be worse when he finds out, and I know eventually he will. "Sir, is there something I can do for you." Ryan asks, and I realize I'm standing in front of the elevator.

"No." I utter as I make my way to the office. God, how could I have so being stupid? It's only going to get worse; Ana clearly didn't tell them about the despicable things I said in the lobby. I know she told Ray, and eventually she will tell my family. Their reaction will not be as severe as Ray's. I doubt Taylor will step in to help me even if it was.

 **DECEMBER 22** **ND** **2011**

" _Christian, how are you?" she moves to kiss me on the cheek, and I move away from her. "What is it now?" She says as though I'm one of her employees._

" _Nothing, I have somewhere to be. Can we hurry this up." I say trying to keep my anger and frustration at bay. She's done nothing wrong; it's not her fault that three months of work to find Ana led to diddlysquat._

" _We can do this another time if you wish."_

" _No, let's just get this over and done with," I say getting irritated._

" _Well, do you want to order…"_

" _What the fuck Elena, give me the paperwork so I can get the hell out of here," I shout, glad to be in the private room of the Mile High Club._

" _I didn't bring them." She twirls her finger in her drink and brings it to her mouth sucking on it._

" _Then what the fuck am I doing here?" I ask growling._

" _It's been a while since you had a sub. I know your last…"_

" _Let's not talk about my last sub. I never want to talk about that so shut the fuck up." I stand abruptly sending the chair flying. "And I wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole." I sneer in disgust. She is clearly taken by surprise and looks hurt, genuinely hurt. The mood I'm in, I do not give two shits about her feelings._

 _I get outside, and I signal the valet to get my car. I have my own spot, so they know which key is mine. I should have brought Taylor, but fuck I hate the way he looks at me every time I meet Elena. I need him right now; there aren't many people I trust right now. Elliot's attitude towards me is less than cordial right now, and I don't know why. About a month ago mom, dad and Mia attitude towards me changed as well. Mia no longer hugs me; mom doesn't care to call me to Sunday lunch anymore. Sometimes I find myself thinking they know about Ana and what I did._

 _Someone bumps into me, and I realize my car is taking longer than necessary. "Excuse me, how long does it take to get a car," I ask one of the valets._

" _Sorry Mr. Grey." He turns to get my key._

" _The other guy already took the keys to get my car," I tell him._

" _What other guy?" he says looking around. "We are all here."_

" _You have got to be kidding me." I take off round the side and find my car is still in the bay assigned to me. I guess the security measures made it impossible for him to take the vehicle. I use the security key, as I have no choice, I hate it as it disables all of Barney's security features. Naturally I get a call from the security company that deals with added security that comes with purchasing an Audi. I give my code and inform them of the missing car keys and take off. I get to the intersection and I try to beat the red but no such luck. I wait for the lights to change and take off. I notice a truck in my rear view, and I'm sure it's been there since I left the club. Just as my paranoia is about the get the better of me, it overtakes me and I breathe a sigh of relief. It stops at the lights I stop behind him. The light changes and we both move but the truck abruptly stop, and I end up rear-ending it. "Just fucking great." I yank off my seatbelt, and I storm out of the car to give the idiot an ear full. He opens the door just as I approach, and before I can utter a word I see stars. I believe a jackhammer just collided with my temple, fuck that hurt. Before I can get my equilibrium back, I feel another one to my jaw. I try to fend off the blows; I block a few, but most find their target, which is my face._

 _I train every day but whoever this is he is better than anything I could ever imagine, and he had the advantage of knocking me completely off kilter before I knew what was happening. I take a solid punch to the ear, and that does it, I hit the ground hard. Unfortunately, for me, he is not done. He gets on top and delivers blow after blow. When he's done with my head he targets my body with his boots; he keeps at it until he hears the sirens. "Ray Steele says hi." With that, he delivers his knockout punch._

 _I wake up in the hospital four days later to find I had a severe case of concussion; I didn't need a doctor to tell me that. A broken nose, two broken ribs, one pierced my spleen so that had to be taken out and some small injuries. I didn't need a mirror to know I was black and blue. Taylor was right military guys do not play around when it comes to their daughters. My family was at my bedside; clearly they'd been there since I was brought in. "Christian, you are awake." My mother says holding cups of coffee for the rest. I don't miss the dark circles under their eyes or the puffy red eyes for that matter. She hands over the drinks to Carrick and starts to fuss over me._

" _I'm okay mom," I grunt in pain._

" _Clearly you are not." She continues to fuss._

"Who did you piss off." Elliot asks, and I shrug with a grimace. _Bro, it's all over the internet," He tells me._

" _No surprises there," I mumble. For the next hour, we talk about foolish things, but I finally work up the courage to ask. "Are you going to tell me what I did to piss you all off?" I ask wincing from the small movement of turning my head._

" _When were you going tell us about Elena?" Carrick counters and I freeze, not that I was doing much movement to begin with._

" _Right." I say dejectedly, there is no point in pretending I don't know what he means, from his tone it's pretty clear he knows, and he knows it all._

" _That is a conversation we will have the moment you get out of here. There are two detectives here to talk to you." They walk in before I can protest._

" _Mr. Grey, we will not waste your time. We will tell you what we have so far. We believe this was a planned attack." I've already figured that part out. "They took your car keys forcing you to disable your security features, which would have been activated when your vehicle collided with their truck."_

" _There were two of them," I ask to confirm._

" _Yes, from eyewitness reports. You got out of the car to speak to the driver just as you got there, the passenger came around and hit you."_

" _That explains why I didn't see it coming," I mumble._

" _The driver stayed in the car as the passenger proceeded to assault you. Witnesses say it appears he said something to you." Ray Steele says hi._

" _I remember the first two punches, I tried to block as much of the rest as I could, but then nothing," I answer with a far off look._

" _They were both gone by the time the cops arrived. We have checked CCTV cameras. They followed you from your restaurant and overtook your car just before the traffic lights, where the attack took place. We have nothing on the truck; the plates do not match anything on record, not even stolen." He says with a sigh. "We were hoping you might have something for us. We will keep digging something will turn up." He doesn't believe that any more than I do._

" _Detective, these guys knew what they were doing. Whatever the reason I passed out before they told me. I know your bosses will insist you keep investigating, but in all honesty, it will be a waste of your time. I was attacked viciously, and the perps will get away with it. Shit happens." I say with a shrug._

" _Hope you recover with no complications." They say and disappear out the room._

* * *

It took another three days before I was released. I spent Christmas in the hospital and New Year recovering. My parents and I never got round to the Elena conversation as they left for Paris for the New Year and decided to stay for a few months. Little did I know they were in London with Ana as she gave birth to the twins. When they got back, all hell broke lose with the Elena situation.

Not that my life was heaven on earth as it was. The attack left me on edge. I got threats all the time; none ever came to pass because I had the best of everything, but for the first time in my life I was uncomfortable. What happened was well planned and executed. They'd watched me for some time and knew my pattern. For months I met Elena alone, it was the only time I was ever alone, and they capitalized on it. The most worrying part was how they knew about my car and how to disable it. Until today, no one can tell me how. Barney believes we were hacked but can't prove it. After a few weeks, I started to feel like my old self, I went back to work. That was until Andrea's voice came over the intercom telling me there was a Raymond Steele in the lobby requesting a meeting. He had used the one name that would get him straight to me. Anastasia Steele.


	5. Chapter 5

**JANUARY 19** **TH** **2012**

 **CHRISTIAN**

" _Raymond Steele," I ask._

" _Yes, Mr. Grey." Andrea answers. "He says he's here to speak to you about Anastasia Steele. You said, anyone…"_

" _I know what I said." I snap. "Send him up." I roll down my sleeves and put my suit jacket on. At that moment, I am hit with a flash of inspiration. I smile to myself and sit behind my desk waiting for him._

 _He walks in followed by Taylor. He looks amused that Taylor is following him. I wave Taylor away. "Please." I gesture to the seat in front of my desk. I doubt he'd want to shake my hands._ _You are either a very brave man or a foolish one," he says looking at the view over my shoulder. I hold very little interest for him. Which makes me wonder why he's here._

" _Why do you say that?"_

" _Your people are still searching for Ana." It takes every ounce of self-control I have not to react. If he knows every move we make I don't stand a chance in hell of finding her._

" _I need to apologize. I need to beg. I need to grovel. I need to get down on my knees and kiss her feet. I came to my senses, but she'd already left for Geo…" I realize my mistake, but it's too late." He smiles, still looking over my shoulder._

" _Why don't you write her a letter? Oh… don't forget to include why you didn't go to Georgia to do all those things you just listed. I'm certain she will like to know as she stayed glued to her phone for a week waiting for you." He states, still not looking at me._

 _For the first time he turns and looks at me, there is nothing behind those steely brown eyes of his. "You really had me at her graduation… with all that shit about her safety and your need to protect her. I usually see right through that type of horseshit. But you, you played it well." He turns his attention back to the view. I see a man who feels like he failed the one person he swore to protect. I hurt the one thing he cherishes the most, the one person he loves above all else and he will do whatever he can to stop it from happening again. "Well boy… know this I've got your number now." He stands and turns to leave._

" _I understand why you did what you did. It will not change the fact that I need to apologize to Ana. I will take another beating if that is what it takes." He doesn't turn around for what feels like an eternity, and when he does, he looks straight at the camera that is not visible and smiles before walking out._

 _He turns and looks at me while waiting for the elevator. "I'm not keeping Ana from you; I do not make decisions for her. You don't know where Ana is because she doesn't want you to know." The elevator doors open, he keeps it open with his foot. "You say you are sorry, and you want to apologize and yet you haven't bothered to ask me how she is. You have a funny notion when it comes to caring." With that he steps in and the doors close before I could utter a reply._

I thrashed my office the moment he walked out. I needed him to admit to orchestrating the beating I took on camera. I needed leverage and again for some reason, he knew things he shouldn't have known throwing a wrench in my plans. Despite his visit, I continued my search for Ana with zero success. Every lead we had turned out to be a dead-end. I was sure it was Ray showing me just how inadequate I was, just the way I made Ana feel.

I knew Ray would inform Ana of my need to apologize. I may not have wanted the child, but I needed to make things right with Ana. I had hoped if she knew I no longer cared about the NDA she might contact me, which never happened either. Now I know Ana didn't want me in her life. Whatever she felt for me was long dead. That NDA proved to be more trouble than it was worth. It cost me far too much. The very reason my family kept the fact that they knew about Ana from me.

 **ANA**

Steele, you are trying my patience." Kate grumbles.

"How exactly am I doing that?" I ask with a smirk.

"Edward Warrington-Huxley." She purrs.

"You don't have to say his full name every time you refer to him." I chuckle at the look on her face. She looks as though it's an insult to call him any other name.

"I do. Ed is so… blah compared to Edward War…"

"I get it. You sound like Grace. Though she didn't use blah."

"Steele, you are stalling."

"Okay, you tell me what happened when Grace and Carrick got back from London, and I will tell you all about Ed." I bargain. Never thought I'd find leverage to get that truth out of her.

 **NOVEMBER 27** **TH** **2011**

 **KATE**

" _We knew they want to talk about it eventually. We have been nothing but cold towards Christian." Elliot moaned. "God, Kate I don't want to tell them about this, it will break their hearts."_

" _Apart from the NDA, it was the other reason I kept my mouth shut. Who wants to find out their kid is a cold heartless bastard who threw a check at a girl they got pregnant."_

" _We have to tell them… my dad will understand not to confront Christian. He knows when it comes to NDA Christian is not the kind of man you want to test." Elliot cut the engine, took a deep breath and got out of the car. I was out of the car before he got round to open the door. We walk in to find Carrick, Grace, and surprisingly Mia all waiting for us._

" _The letter Ana wrote before she left the country," Carrick asks wasting no time. To say Elliot and I are shocked is an understatement. I wish I could say I didn't have it with me, but that would just be delaying the inevitable. I open the hidden zip on the underside of my bag and pull out the letter still in the envelope and hand it to Carrick. Elliot and I sit down as Carrick and then Grace read the letter. Mia, I guess knows what her parents knew and tentatively takes the letter to read. Everything she thought about her brother was about to be shattered._

" _What gives you the right to keep this from us?" Grace asks calmly._

" _You would have confronted him, you know you would," Elliot argues._

" _What difference would it have made, he can't find her. You can't pursue someone for breaking an NDA when you can't find him or her. It's a weak argument, and you know it." Dad shouts._

" _We have no intention of confronting him. It's not because of the NDA; Ana doesn't want him to know…"_

" _You have seen Ana." I cut in rather excitedly._

" _We have, she is almost six months pregnant with twins. One is a boy; the other refuses to behave." Carrick and Grace smile for the first time._

" _You have no right to keep this from us. He is our son, and he behaved appalling and instead of coming to us, you keep it to yourself, and the rest of us are sitting here wondering what the hell happened as it's obvious something is going on" Carrick at this point is shouting. "Where you ever going to tell us?"_

" _No." Elliot whispers. Grace is angrier than I have ever seen her._

" _We wouldn't have confronted him despite what I said earlier and not because he wouldn't be able to find her. I know the boy all too well and facing him will cause problems that, as a family we may not recover from. I was there the last time someone broke his confidentiality agreement." Elliot told me the story; the man attempted to kill himself._

" _Where is Ana?" I finally ask._

" _You have been talking to her since she left with the phone and laptop Ray gave you. She refuses to tell you where she is for good reason, and we do not intend to break our promises to her." Grace barks._

" _You have a go at us for keeping…"_

" _We were meant to see this letter. Ana made that clear; she was surprised we didn't know. You are not intended to know where she is. She also made that clear. Kate can you honestly tell me you won't pack a bag and head there if you knew." Carrick is up and glaring at me. "Do not ask me where Ana is again," he seethes. He is right if I knew where Ana was I'd be there in a heartbeat._

 _Elliot and I sit there quietly as we get berated further, these two are angry, and there is nothing we can say to justify our decision._

" _How is she doing?" Elliot asks._

" _She is doing well, brilliantly well. She has a lovely home. She writes for a publication and helps a philanthropist with his speeches and also organizes his life. " I was hoping something would slip as they spoke, but they are careful. Publication tells me nothing._

" _Do you think he will ever tell us?" Grace asks sadly._

" _Unless he changes his mind about her and the children… I don't see that happening." Carrick answers dejectedly_

 _Carrick and Grace stare at each other for a while saying nothing._

" _You know who it is, don't you?" Carrick says, and Grace is on the verge of falling apart. "I will have someone look into it and get all the necessary information and then we will deal with her and him regarding the BDSM. Introduce my son to her sick lifestyle at fifteen." Carrick sneers._

" _Wait, you know who it is?" Elliot asks fist balled up. The doorbell rings and I find myself praying it's not Christian, but then I remember he left for Germany yesterday. Carrick takes the letter from Mia, who has not said a word._

" _Ray," Elliot says surprised. He is carrying the same bag he gave to us when he gave us the phone and laptop._

" _Carrick, Grace how are you?" He asks giving Grace a kiss on the cheek and shakes Carrick's hand. They've met before._

" _You must be Mia," he says._

" _Mia, this is Ana's father." Carrick introduces._

" _I am so sorry for what my brother did to Ana. I never met her, but Elliot and Kate sing her praises. Her voice breaks at the end._

" _You are not the one that owes Ana or me an apology. There are some things in life you can't apologize for." Mia nods clearly understanding an apology even from Christian will not do. I have a distinct feeling more went on between Christian and Ana that neither Ray nor Ana are willing to talk about._

" _Ray, will you stay for dinner. We have a lovely lamb roasting in the oven." Grace asks after composing herself._

" _I will, I don't cook. Takeaway and frozen meals are what I live by, so yes I will not say no to a home cooked meal." He sits down accepting a bottle of beer from Carrick._

" _The laptop is pretty straight forward it's like any other except for the security features. Since I'm staying, I will walk you through it." Ray says._

 **ANA**

Ray stayed for dinner, walked Carrick and Grace through the laptop and phone. "Ana, what else happened between you and Christian?" Kate finally asks the question I expected years ago.

"I will tell you, but not today. I can't relive that day just yet." I tell her. "What about the Elena Lincoln talk?" i ask changing the subject.

"That took place after dinner. You didn't know who she was." Kate asks.

"No, he gave me a brief history. He said she was Grace's friend." I say, and Kate just shakes her head at me. "You should have walked out of that penthouse long before your conversation got to that," she adds.

"I know, believe me, I know," I say. "On the flip side I have two beautiful children I wouldn't trade for anything. Back to the pedophile."

"Well, Grace and Carrick explained what they knew about Lincoln, the rumors they had heard about her lifestyle, but wanted to have her investigated before they said anything. Nothing happened for months. Oh, in the meantime Christian was viciously attacked, he knew why but refused to talk. Elliot told me he even told the police not to bother. I smirk without meaning to, and Kate as ever catches it quicker than I get rid of it. "Spill," she growls.

"Come on Katie use your journalistic instincts. Why else will Christian of all people do nothing about an attack? Not just that, he refuses to talk about it to his family."

"He would have had to tell us about you. Ray orchestrated the attack." Kate brakes into laughter. "Go, Ray Steele. When did he tell you?"

"When you called me to tell me he was in the hospital. I called Ray the moment you hanged up. He told me before I could ask. He wasn't the least bit sorry. He did tell me to expect it the day before I left Savannah." I say with a shrug. At the time, I berated Ray for taking such an extreme action. We argued for the better part of an hour. I asked him what he'd achieved from having Christian beaten. I knew who Christian was to an extent. The man loved his control; his world was in the palm of his hands. My pregnancy brought chaos to his controlled world, and he reacted to having his ordered world disrupted. I had hoped he would soon see the callousness in his behavior.

I waited for him for a week in Seattle before signing his paperwork. Then I waited for another week in Georgia with my phone glued to me. Ray then told me Christian said he no longer cared about the NDA and wanted to apologize. What stood out for me was not once did he ask Ray about my pregnancy. I did wonder when he changed his mind about the children and why. The children have asked questions about him, and I have answered. I'm still waiting for the day they will ask to meet him. If they do, I will arrange for a visit with his parents present. As for me personally, I want nothing to do with the man.

"Okay, I kept my end of the bargain." She rubs her palms together.

"We met a just over a year ago in Vienna." Kate's jaw drops.

"We were meant to be in Vienna last January, but Elliot got into that car accident, and we had to cancel the trip."

"Yeah, I know," I say sadly. "I was really looking forward to seeing you guys, especially Ava."

"Now I want to kill that stupid idiot of a driver." Kate fumes. "Okay, so Edward Warring…"

"Yes him, like I said we met in Vienna through Patrick. He was a regular donor to Patrick's charity." I say with a shrug.

"That is all well and good. Why are you here while he's at the Fairmont all by his lonesome?"

"Kate, nothing has actually happened between us," I inform her.

"What! That kiss tells an entirely different story and do not forget Miss. Phoebe already let the cat out of the bag." She wags her finger at me.

"Yes, he has spent the night a few times in the guest room **.** A few weeks ago we had a little too much to drink, and things got out of hand. We decided to give things a go… but nothing has happened aside from a few heavy make-out sessions."

"The kids are out with Elliot and Carrick for the day; you have nothing else to do. So… Anastasia Rose Steele, why are you sitting here talking me when that fine man is at the Fairmont." She raises an eyebrow at me.

 **CHRISTIAN**

I reluctantly turn over and get the phone. "What is it, Barney?"

"Sir, Miss. Steele is at the Fairmont as we speak."

"What?"

"We picked her up on the traffic cameras heading to the Fairmont. The last location before I lost sight of her was the entrance of the hotel."

"Keep an eye on the car and inform me immediately if there is any change." I toss the phone aside and jump into the shower. _Why didn't you fucking shower this morning?_

Within half an hour I'm at the Fairmont. I walk to the desk, despite my attire of Jeans, t- shirt, leather jacket and scuffed boots, the girl behind the desk immediately hangs up on whoever she was talking to and turns her smile on me. "Mr. Grey, how can I help you?" I take a chance and ask for Ana. She may not have come to the reception desk, but I won't know until I ask.

"Is Miss. Anastasia Steele here yet?" I ask with all the confidence I can summon. My stomach is in knots at the prospect of seeing Ana.

"Miss. Steele is in the bar…" Whatever else she says is lost on me as I walk to the bar.

Strangely I see him before I see her, and I find myself frozen on the spot as I watch her. He whispers something to her, and she laughs head thrown back. He gazes at her with love and lust. I have seen Elliot give Kate that look many times. I have seen dad give mom that look many times. I have seen Ethan give Mia that look many times. I have never given anyone that look because I didn't know where she was. I couldn't find her no matter how hard I tried, how many laws I broke. Finally, she is stood in front of me and instead of me giving her that look… another man is doing it. A man who has beaten me at every encounter, but none of that mattered till this moment. He has beaten me at the one that matters the most.

I dejectedly sit in one of the booths and send Welch an email to look into Edward Warrington Huxley. Maybe just maybe I might learn more about Ana from him. If I can find where Huxley spends most of his time, I will most likely find Ana's country of residence. Elliot is right I have lost Ana, but I pray she gives me a chance to know the twins. How could I have been so stupid? God, Elena did me a real disservice. I was a messed up teenager, and she turned me into a fucked up pathetic excuse of a man. This isn't self-loathing. This is the truth.

I became the kind of man that rips a young girl into pieces because she refuses to get rid of the child she may have being carrying. What I did in the lobby will haunt me for the rest of my life. When I close my eyes all I see is the shattered girl that stares at me in horror and devastation. I did not want a child, but how I went about it was wrong. I pray one day Ana will find it in her heart to forgive me.

As I stand to leave, I hear her giggle and realize they are the booth next to mine. I should leave, but I don't. Hearing her laugh gives me a small sense of relief. I didn't fuck up her life beyond repair.

"How long are you in Seattle for?" I hear her ask.

"For a few weeks. I will leave with you and the kids. I can work from here." He says lovingly.

"I'd love that," Ana says breathlessly.

"Would you spend the night with me?" Edward asks the need in his voice glaringly apparent.

"Yes." It's a whisper, but I hear it. I stay rooted to my seat as they leave.

I don't know how I got home, but here I am standing in the foyer staring at my Madonna and Child painting. In a fit of rage at my stupidity, I overturn the table in the foyer. The crystal vase with the flowers shatters with an echo I find satisfying.


	6. Chapter 6

**CHRISTIAN**

"Flynn… I didn't call you." I grumble.

"I know you didn't." He stands by the piano with his hands clasps in front of him. "What happened?"

"Ana did." I chuckle humorlessly.

"You found her." He almost sounds excited.

"No, she is here in Seattle. She's staying with my brother and refuses to see me." I look at him for the first time. "How can I apologize if she won't see me?" I knock back the rest of my drink.

"Have you thought about writing to her, after all, she knows the written word." It wasn't a bad suggestion the first time I heard it, and it isn't now.

"Barney informed me she was at the Fairmont… so naturally I went there. I found her at the bar with Edward Warrington-Huxley." I almost find the irony funny. "Did you know he's into mergers and acquisition? In the last four years, I have tried purchasing five publishing houses and two printing presses, and he has beaten me at all seven of them and now he has the woman I so carelessly threw away." I am on the verge of giving myself a beating. Probably would have if Ray hadn't beaten me to it already. "How could I have been so cold hearted? God Flynn, the things I said to her. Who can forgive that? If someone did what I did to her to Mia, I can assure you they would be dead. What Ray did to me would pale in comparison to what I would do to them." They would be dead because they'd take their own lives by the time I was through with them.

"Christian, you are no longer that man. That man didn't believe in love or that he could be loved. Despite your family's anger towards you, you know they still love you. The man Ana last saw thought Elena was his savior. She pulled you down a dark and lonely part, a part that had you believing the worst of yourself. Write to Ana be honest with her, and I mean complete and utter honesty." I was afraid he would say that.

"Flynn, if I tell her why I didn't go after her while she was in Savannah, she will never forgive me. If I'm honest, it's the very reason I'm not pushing her to forgive me… to forgive me she has to know the truth in its entirety." I doubt the truth, this time, will set me free.

"It's a chance you have to take. She will find out. Would you rather it was from someone else." I know whom he means, but I take comfort in the knowledge that she will never get to Ana, the consequences are too severe.

"I will think about it." He sighs leaving me to it. I've lost count of the number of people who have told me to write to Ana. I have tried several times and every time I ball up the paper and throw it in the waste-paper basket. Ana will not forgive when she learns why I didn't go to Savannah. I went to see Flynn the morning I thought she was due back.

 **JUNE 10** **TH** **2011**

" _I expected you here yesterday," Flynn says opening a new page in his notebook._

" _Ana is visiting her mother in Georgia, and she is due back tomorrow evening," I answer._

" _The first day you saw Ana in the lobby, how did you feel?" He looks at me intently._

" _For a split second… I thought about sex, and then I remembered she was pregnant." Nothing deflates a boner faster in my view._

" _Did it ever cross your mind it could have been a false alarm? There is every likelihood Ana isn't pregnant."_

" _That makes my behavior all the more abhorrent. I ripped her apart for a maybe. We didn't even do a home test." I'm now having new nightmares of Ana being beaten by the pimp for a maybe. The quicker I can apologize to her the quicker I can get rid of these fucking nightmares._

 _Why did you?" I look at him "Rip her apart I mean." He asks._

" _Children have never crossed my mind. I go to great lengths to avoid the possibility. I know no contraceptive is full prove but the thought of getting one of my subs pregnant always filled me with fear." I stand and stare out the window. "I was afraid… I am afraid. I don't want the child, Flynn." I feel disgusted with myself, but it's the truth._

" _Then why do you wish to talk to Ana? Why then apologize for your behavior if you want nothing to do with the child?" Flynn's voice betrays his calm exterior. He is disappointed._

" _I will provide financial support. The way I threw that money at her was wrong. I will make sure the child wants for nothing. I will protect her and the child from what the crack whore and I went through. The child will be looked after, but I cannot be a hands-on father."_

" _You are not hands off; you are a mile away from what you are telling me." He bristles with anger._

" _It's the best I can do." I bite back. "They will be better off without me. Can you imagine what the child will go through with me as a father? I am not a well-loved celebrity who the crowd adores; the press will not blur out the faces of my children till I say otherwise. I get threats on a daily basis. I will not subject a child to this." I point to myself. "Do you have any idea the bullshit that follows me? I cannot give up who I am and what I need for a child. I need control, how will that work with a baby." I shout._

" _And how are you going to get Ana to agree to this. What about your parents? Your brother, whose girlfriend happens to be Ana's best friend?" I haven't thought this all the way through._

" _I have time to deal with that. Ana and I will sit down and work this out. If she wants to keep the child she can. It was wrong for me to ask her to abort the child. I'm sure many people told the crack whore to do just that." I say in near whisper. "Ana is a sensible girl she will see the wisdom in my plan. It is the best for all concerned." It would be better if she and the child were away from Seattle. I will pay for her to relocate, that will solve the issue with my family and Kate._

" _Let's go back to the beginning," he says knowing he can't change my mind. "The last time you saw Ana in the lobby what happened?"_

" _I already told you what happen. I said some dreadful things to her. She may never forgive me, and I will accept that. There are consequences to our actions." I mumble._

" _Why did you behave in such a manner?"_

" _Because I am no good for her and she clearly couldn't see that. She needed to see the kind of man I am. The man that charmed her into giving him her virgin…" I rub my face furiously. "I am not who she thinks I am. I punish girls like her because I can't punish the one I want to punish. That was what I wanted from her, I knew she wasn't cut out for it, she was innocent, and I was prepared to drag her into the darkness with me. Somehow she thinks I am the man she wants to raise a child with." I scoff._

" _You left here yesterday after I made the comparison to your birth mother. You have nine months to get ready; that's what I said. You still have nine months…"_

" _You are not going to change my mind. You should know better by now. I. Do. Not. Want. A. Child." I grit out interrupting whatever he had to say. Nine months will not change who I am._

That evening she still hadn't arrived from Georgia, Welch informed me she had only left the day before. I should have gotten on the plane and gone to Georgia, but I didn't, and I'm still haunted by that decision and the subsequent decision I made the following day. A decision that still prevents me from writing an honest letter to Ana.

I was then content to provide money and security for my child, and then Ava was born, and my worldview shifted, everything I thought I knew was thrown out the window. I had a child out there, a child I didn't know. Here I was holding my niece who stopped crying the moment she was placed in my arms. She didn't do that for her own parents; she did for a fucked up man like me, and in that moment I wanted my child in my arms. I wanted to know if I had a boy or a girl. I wanted to find out if he or she had my nose or my lips or my hair.

I missed Ana, the short time we had together changed me even if I refused to admit to it. In that hotel room in Portland as I watched her sleep something changed in me. I felt my non-existent heartbeat and yet I was so adamant to continue with what I knew. I wanted Ana and my child back. It was no longer about just apologizing; it was about doing everything I could to get her back. I was prepared to get on my knees and plead with her. I knew in that hospital room as I held my niece that it was the moment to confess it all to my family, but I didn't. A lot of things about that day make sense to me now. The way everyone acted as I held Ava makes sense to me now. "You are a natural." My mom said. It meant nothing then, even when she added, "it's a real shame." It still meant nothing then. Yes, it was, a real shame I couldn't hold my child in my hands. A real shame I couldn't see past my own nose to do the right thing. I do not blame my family for the decision they made; they feared for Ana. The man they knew would go after her family to get to her. Physically Ray could get to me, but it took very little for me to destroy him. Without stepping foot out of my ivory tower, I could take everything from him. I do not blame Ray for taking the action he did. I certainly do not blame Ana for wanting nothing to do with me.

 **FEBRUARY 5** **TH** **2016**

 _For almost five years I've had several opportunities to tell my family about Ana, but I never did. God, what do I say? How do explain this to them? I knew at some point Ana would come back to Seattle, and my parents were more than likely to find out about the child. I know nothing about my kid._

 _I finally sum up the courage and get out of the car. I had never felt such same in my life, not when my parents finally confronted me about Elena nor any other time I have disappointed them. I open the door to find both of them standing in the foyer waiting for me. "In my office." Dad barks. I follow dejectedly but come to a standstill when I hear laughter. I recognize Ava's, but I hear another two and I know it's not Mia's boy Aiden. I walk towards the office thoroughly confused by the laughter I heard._

 _I turn towards the kitchen. "I wouldn't advise it, both Ray and Carla are there with the children." Mom says ushering me into the office._

" _Do I have a boy or girl?" I ask looking down at the Persian rug gracing the wooden floors._

" _Both." Dad answers and my head shoots up. "Ana gave birth to twins." For the first time, there is a small smile on his face._

" _For five years you've had numerous opportunities to tell us about Ana. Why didn't you?" She pauses waiting for an answer. I keep my eyes glued to the carpet. "We would have argued on your behalf. Hell, I did..." she throws her arms up. "Do you have any idea how difficult it is to champion someone who doesn't want to be a champion? It is evident you changed your mind about Ana and the children, but how could we have possibly known that. As far as we were concerned giving you any inkling that we knew would have resulted in her family's destruction." Mom laments._

" _When Ava was born I genuinely thought you were going to confide in us." My dad adds._

" _I know," I mumble. "I wanted to, but after everything with Elena I just couldn't bring myself to disappoint you any further. I changed my mind about the NDA when it became apparent she had confided in her parents. I realized I didn't care about the NDA. I was willing to support Ana I just didn't want a child. When Ava was born, it hit me just how badly I wanted to hold my child… children. Mom, please I just need a few minutes with Ana, a few moments jut to let her know how sorry I am. I fucked up beyond words. If she gives me a second chance, I will never give her reason to regret it." I plead._

" _Son, Ana is not here, she's with Kate. Ray and Carla brought the kids over for lunch." Dad adds._

" _Can I meet them?" I plead again._

" _Christian… you have to understand; we have to respect Ana's wishes." Mom says sitting beside me._

" _She hates me, doesn't she," I say._

" _No son, if she did, you'd have something to work with. I genuinely believe whatever she felt for you died a long time ago. She waited for you, and you didn't go for her. Hopefully, at some point in the future, you will meet your children, we will fight for you, but son… as for Ana you should let that notion of getting her back go." Dad says. Carrick's approach is that of a man approaching a wounded animal. I could burst out of this office and run to the kitchen, and no one could stop me._

" _I was so afraid I did and said some cruel things." I confess, and my mom's attitude changes. Gone is the sympathetic look, and now I am now facing a furious Grace Grey._

" _Cruel doesn't even begin to cover the forty-five-page document washing your hands off your children. How could you possibly draft something so brutal? You sat down with a lawyer for hours and came up with this." She walks over to my father's desk and tosses the document at me. "As a mother do you know what it does when you find out your son could do something this horrendous?"_

" _It's not validated in a court of law, and therefore, Ana can challenge me on it." I look at her, and she is clearly holding herself back._

" _THAT IS NOT THE POINT." She takes a deep breath and collapses on the couch. "I will love you no matter what you do. I hope you get to see just how incredible those two children are. No one is going to be more disappointed than you will be with yourself in the coming days." She says leaving the office._

 _For hours, I was glued to the seat in my dad's office questioning all the stupid decisions I made in regards to Ana and my child… children. I have a boy and a girl; I don't even know their names. I finally step out of my dad's office and run right into Kate and Elliot with little Ava. Meaning at some point Ana came for the kids. "Unkle Chwistian." She screeches. Kate hands her over to Elliot. "Bye-bye," she adds._

" _Bye Ava," I say sadly._

" _Every time I had a dream about getting married. Ana was standing right there beside me. Every time I had a dream about my children, Ana was standing there beside me. I had envisioned a life where I was there for Ana as she went through the same milestones. Best friends are meant to be there for each other for life's significant moments, and you took that away from her and… from me. She was just an innocent girl, and you took that innocence and damn near destroyed it, but she came out strong, stronger than she ever thought possible. Ana is no longer the twenty-one-year-old girl you first met. She is a woman now, a woman who knows a wolf in sheep's clothing when she sees one." She walks away from me as her tears finally fall. I didn't expect this from Kate; I expected her to shout and call me every name under the sun. That was what I expected, what just happen has left me shaken. God, I took so much from Ana and subsequently a lot of other people._

The following day I called my legal team to find what my chances were if I took the legal route. I made a mistake, and I didn't think it should be held against me for the rest of my life. I had a right to see my children. I soon learned it wasn't entirely straightforward. My kids were technically a different nationality. I couldn't even tell my lawyers what nationality my children were. If I filed a lawsuit, Ana could counter file in whatever country she lived in and due to my children being of that nationality and it was their place of residence the case would likely be held there.

I didn't want to write to Ana I wanted to speak to her face to face. She needed to see my remorse; she needed to see I was genuine in my apology. God, of all the people she could date it had to be fucking Huxley. "TAYLOR." I bellow practically running to the security suite, piano and drink abandoned.

"Sir." The most I get from him ninety percent of the time.

"Find out if there was any way Huxley could have known about Ana and myself before they first met." Deep down I know it is unlikely, but desperation has seeped its way into my pores.

"Sir." His response is clipped as usual.

 **AN: I will update Unintentional Interception tomorrow and then I have another work trip so the next update for any of my stories will not be for another three weeks. C.J.**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: I have suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury and therefore have a few medical appointment to attend in the next few weeks. I will update Unintentional Interception on Wednesday. Please be patient with me, updates are going to be few and far between for a while until I get things medically under control. I have chapters written; unfortunately, it's on good old fashion pen and paper, if I get my sister to type it up for me then I can post regularly. C.J.**

 **FEBRUARY 2** **ND** **2012**

 **GRACE**

" _GRACE," Cary shouts from the front door._

" _I'm coming," I say rushing down the stairs. Cary has been restless for days now. He wants to be in London desperately. I'm the same, but at least, I'm not acting as though my pants are on fire._

" _Jesus, Grace what do you have in these bags?" He grunts throwing it in the back of the SUV._

" _Baby clothes." He gives me an irritated look._

" _Ana has everything she needs. You saw to that months ago." He groans getting the door for me._

 _The drive to our rendezvous point is quiet with no traffic, then again we are in Calais, not Paris. We should all be in Seattle hovering over Ana… Christian, the worst culprit as Ana's due date, gets closer. Twins have a knack for arriving early and I strongly believe Ana will not make her due date. I will be meeting Ana's mother for the first time and I find myself wondering how I'm going to look the woman in the eye. Ray was very gracious the first time we met him… "Don't dwell on it Gracie. We will be there for her as much as we can. Another family would have told us to fuck off and the Steele's haven't and for that I am grateful. We get to be in the lives of our first grandchildren, not the ideal circumstance but it is what it is." Cary says squeezing my hands._

" _I wish I could understand his reason behind the decision he made. I know he's not the first man to get a girl pregnant and abandon her, but with his background, you'd think he'd be more understanding." Grace laments._

" _I'd like to think he'd come to us, but he's never ever really relied on us for anything. Did I tell you he refused his trust fund? He said he didn't need it and that when he needed it, I had stipulations, then told me to give it to charity." Cary says sadly. "I only ever wanted the best for him, I hoped going to Harvard would give him a great start in life but he had other ideas. His ideas worked, he knew what he wanted and he went for it just as he knows he doesn't want the children. He is not going to change his mind, chances are he's happy Ana has left town." Cary adds. As much as I'd like to disagree with him… I can't._

" _The day Kate told us she'd left for Europe, I thought he looked distraught and that he might had wanted her back." I guess I was imagining him just for once needing somebody._

" _We are here," Cary says._

" _Oh, that looks like the same one Christian has," I say absentmindedly._

" _It is," Cary confirms._

" _Hello, sir, madam. I'm Charlie Black, I will be your pilot." A rather intimidating man greets warmly._

" _Nice to meet you." Cary greets._

 _Mr. Black moves our luggage to the helicopter with ease. "That happens to be the same luggage you were groaning about." I tease._

" _The size of his forearm is bigger than my thigh." Cary counters._

" _It's still very dark as it is five in the morning I can't make out much until we get closer to Patrick Adams estate. You can't miss it. The landing pad is lit up like the fourth of July. "It is quite impressive," I mutter._

 _We land is a fair distance from the mansion. I see two men with golf carts waiting for the helicopter to power down before opening the doors. "Hello Mr. Grey, Dr. Grey, I am Felix I will escort you to the house. Miss. Steele is awake…"_

" _At this hour, she should be getting all the rest she can," I say._

" _She finds sleep a little difficult these days; her back makes it almost impossible to lie down for too long," Felix informs us._

" _She is such a petite woman and with twins I'm not surprised she is struggling." I lament as we get in the golf cart. Our luggage is placed on the other cart. The closer we get to the mansion the more I realize just how beautiful it is._

" _It's quite imposing but beautifully built," Cary says as we arrive at the front door. The double doors are massive, any smaller it would look odd in its surroundings._

" _This way Mr. and Mrs. Grey." Despite its size, the doors open with ease._

" _Grace, Carrick." Ana greets as she waddles towards us._

" _Dear girl, how are you?" Cary asks hugging Ana as best as he can._

" _Good, they have stopped kicking me now, so I don't feel the need to pee as much." She says with a giggle._

" _Its cramped quarters in there," I say giving her a hug._

" _How long are you staying for?" She asks leading us down a long corridor, which opens to a massive kitchen and a family area off to the side._

" _A few months." Cary answers while I admire the kitchen._

" _Where does everyone think you are?" I hear the fear in her voice and it breaks my heart. Carrick grits his teeth, guess he heard it too._

" _Don't worry, Ana. It's our wedding anniversary in a few days… everyone think we are traveling the world at the moment." He answers trying his best to reassure her._

" _Oh, okay… would you like something to drink?" She asks with a forced smile._

" _How many times do I have to tell you… sit your bum down before those children try to force their way into the world?" Immediately I know she's Ana's mother. Mom and daughter look eerily alike._

" _When did you start saying bum?" Ana asks with a giggle._

" _I'm Carla, mother of the smart mouth over there." She greets with a warm smile and I immediately relax. "You must be Mr…"_

" _Please no, Grace and Carrick… please." I interject._

" _Well Grace, Carrick, it is a pleasure to finally meet you. Ana sings your praises quite a lot." She says looking over at Ana, who is still playing around with the coffee machine._

" _Ana, will you sit down." Carla barks through gritted teeth._

" _I can't help it, I feel restless." She argues as she wipes down surfaces that are already gleaming._

" _Ana, I need… oh hello… I'm Patrick Adams." A tall-dressed young man greets. I always pictured him to be older._

" _Patrick, this Carrick and Grace Grey." Ana introduces._

" _Ahh, the parents of the billionaire who knocked Ana up and thought throwing money at her would be the way to go when she refused to. Abort. It." Both Carla and Ana glare at him in complete and utter shock. Carrick and I, on the other hand, look at him with embarrassed blushes._

" _Yes, that would be us," Carrick says holding out his hand, which Patrick shakes much to my surprise._

" _Patrick." Ana's tone is clearly one of disapproval._

" _Patrick… Patrick." He mimics Ana badly. "I listened to you cry your heart out for over a month. Every time I thought you were getting over him, you'd have a milestone in your pregnancy or doctor's appointment and you'd be back to square one. When you found out one of the babies was a boy. It took three weeks for you to venture out of your home. You did nothing but cry to the extent that I feared for you and the babies… so forgive me if I don't feel all that welcoming to the parents of the asshole that did that to you. Your best friend got married and you couldn't be there. An undertaking of military precision has to be implemented for your parents to come and visit you because some billionaire thinks he has the right to stalk everyone in your life to find your whereabouts."_

" _Patrick, that is enough," Ana warns. "You have a flight to catch."_

" _I own the plane it won't take off without me." He grumbles._

" _Let's go, you have a packed itinerary in the next two weeks. I do not need your teenage tantrum when you miss an appointment." Ana says pulling him out of the room. "Please do not mistake me for Christian fucking Grey." He growls allowing himself to be dragged out of the kitchen._

" _Patrick doesn't possess a brain to mouth filter…"_

" _It doesn't change the fact that he is right. We are the parents of the man who… got your daughter pregnant…"_

" _It happens all the time… girls fall pregnant all the time and the… it's not your fault, other events played a part in the kind of man he became. Ana told me everything. Have you spoken to him." It is obvious to me Carla is asking about Elena._

" _Not yet, but Ana is right… we know who she is and when we get back we will deal with her… and him." Cary says with conviction._

" _I have never felt like such a failure in my entire life," Cary shouts when we get to our room. He pulls his coat off and tosses it on the couch angrily. "Elena Lincoln is a dead woman when I get my hands on her."_

" _I allowed her in our lives and access to my son. I told her everything he did wrong; I gave her a freaking roadmap to my son. I laid everything she needed to manipulate him out for her when I should have kept his business private. If I were her, I would think what a real fool I am." I seethe._

" _Grace, we got it wrong, very wrong. We've both made mistakes when it came to Christian, but the time for lamenting our position is not now… that time passed when an innocent girl got pulled into this. Beating ourselves up over Elena Lincoln isn't going to help anybody. I'm going to take a nice long shower and you are going to join me. Tomorrow we will wake up spend time with the Steele's and get to know the mother of our grandchildren better." Cary whips his shirt off and saunters off to the bathroom._

* * *

 _The next three weeks on the Adam's estate is blissfully peaceful and relaxing. I can see why Ana is spending the final few weeks here… it's also a big place to clean when you are nesting. Carla and I are baking in the kitchen when the two-way communication in the kitchen goes off. "Nobody panic… but my water broke."_

" _Oh." Carla mutters._

" _She's got hours yet," I assure Carla._

" _Ana how far apart are your contractions?" I ask through the communication system._

" _About half an hour." She moans._

" _Sounds about right," I mumble to myself._

" _She's just over a month early," Carla says worriedly._

" _The babies will be all right," I assure her._ _By the time we get to the hospital, Ana's contractions are about twenty minutes apart._

" _Just breathe through it," Carla murmurs._

" _What do you think I'm doing?" Ana barks. I can't help the soft chuckle that leaves me._

" _Glad someone is having fun." She glares at me as another contraction hits her. It takes me a few minutes to feel my fingers._

 _Two and a half hour later I walk out to the tell Ray and Cary the babies are here. "Knock knock is everyone decent." Cary jokes at the door._

" _Yes, just go in." I push him in and quickly follow. The babies are in special cot incubators to help them stay warm and help their lungs develop to its full capacity. They are fine as they are but with premature babies it's better to be safe than sorry._

 _Seven hours later Cary and I are on the way back to the estate, and I feel subdued all of a sudden. "Are you alright?" Cary asks taking my hand in his._

" _We should be in Seattle. He should be pacing and getting on everyone's last nerve because the babies have to stay in the hospital a little longer."_

" _I know," Cary coos. "The day he meets those two he is going to regret every decision he made regarding Ana." I fall apart and weep on Cary's shoulders._

 **ANA**

"Raymond Carrick Steele, get your butt down here before I come upstairs," I shout.

"Uh ooh, twouble." Ava sings.

"He had to pick today to be difficult, I'm already running late." I moan.

"So, where are you going again?" Kate asks wiping the kitchen surfaces.

"I have a meeting," I answer with a smirk.

"Who is it with?" It wouldn't be Kate if she gave up after one question.

"I'm meeting with a colleague from the publishing house I write for."

"The publishing house you write for… that means fuck all." She whispers the last part as Ray storms downstairs before I can answer, not that I had one. If I told Kate about my books, she would quickly figure out where I leave and soon Christian Grey will follow. Christian Grey is a man I've quickly learned is not big on privacy and God knows I value mine above all else. Christian knowing where I live in London will be the beginning of his invasion into my life.

"Ray, I do realize your math lessons bore you to death because it comes very easy to you, but I still expect you to be downstairs ready to learn when Mr. Duncan gets here. Your sister has a grasp on the English language that is beyond comprehension but she still studies without complaint. I expect you to do the same. You are here in Seattle with me because I assured Mrs. Williams that you two would not miss a day of studies while with me. We are not going to have this conversation again, do I make myself clear?" He nods. "Ray."

"I understand." He mumbles.

"Clearly took after money bags in the numbers department," Kate says.

"You have no idea. He helps Phoebe with her homework because I can't make head or tails of their homework." I admit. "I have to get going," I say running out the door before the Kavanagh Inquisition starts. I have no doubt Kate will soon figure out I am the author of the book that currently sits top on the New York Times bestseller list. She has it downloaded on her Kindle she just hasn't gotten round to reading it jet. After all, there are two books to read before the third one makes any sense.

* * *

"Benjamin," I say giving him a hug. I was his first author and he has been my one and only editor despite all the big houses coming after me, I have stuck with him. He didn't force me to come out the shadows and admit I am Rose Lambert. He also happens to be the man that restored my faith in the male species or at least those under thirty. "Sorry, I'm late Ray was being difficult this morning."

"How is the little man?" Ray can do no wrong in Benjamin's eyes, neither can Phoebe.

"Good, they are enjoying themselves."

"How about you?" He asks with that panty-dropping smile of his.

"I am well. I have to admit it has been great being back here, seeing the family again." I confess.

"Excellent, let's order and we can talk."

"Sounds good," I say grabbing the menu.

"I've heard good things about this place." He says calling for the waiter. "I will have the sweet potato, coconut, and cardamom soup and for my main I will have the steak with truffle covered fries." He orders.

"I will have the avocado soup, but leave the tortilla chips and I will have the steak as well," I order.

"Any drinks."

"No, the water is fine." Benjamin nods in agreement and the waiter leaves.

"Huxley publishing will like to offer you a new contract." I know, but it wasn't Huxley Publishing when they first signed me. It was a small independent house and the big boys came in and bought the place. I have to admit it was the best thing to happen to them. "I have seen the manuscripts you have yet to actually work on. Ana, you have a pile of them and we will like to turn that pile into more bestsellers." I am not surprised they sent him instead of someone from the legal department. I have a close relationship with Benjamin despite our few months when he took care of my needs, our friendship is as close as ever. He is the only friend my age in London. My mother teased me about all the tall, dark and handsome type I attracted. She makes it sounds like there is a whole line of them. In truth as of the weekend, I have only been with three men in my life. Well, Benjamin and I never actually had sex, which is not to say I haven't attracted my fair share.

Our soup arrives just as Benjamin pulls the contract out. I look at the amount I am being offered for just three books and I nearly choke on my soup." Is this…"

"Yep." He says before I can ask. "Ana, we know the competition we have for your signature and we don't want to lose you." He says wiping his mouth with his napkin.

Patrick advised me to come here and meet with different publishing houses even though I had no intention of signing for another house. His advice was spot on. I doubt Huxley Publishing would be this eager or offer me this much if I made it clear I was staying with them. Might I add this is just an advance and a sort of stay with us money. I don't particularly care about the money, but I just need them to do right by me. "Ana, just have your lawyers go over this and get back to me when you are ready. There is no rush, even though I have already edited three of your pile." He says with that smile and fuck if it doesn't remind me of the masterful way he uses those lips and tongue of his.

"When are you going back to New York?" Ana asked

"The moment this is done." He says pointing at the contract. "This steak is divine." He moans.

"I agree."

Despite my protests Benjamin gets a bottle of wine to share. "Anastasia."

"Ben."

"Okay, okay." He chuckles. He hates being called Ben as much as I hate Anastasia. "Seeing anyone." He asks nonchalantly.

"Yes, he's your boss's boss," I smirk.

"Took him long enough." He chuckles. "You know the first time he laid eyes on you, he intended to ask you out." I look at him surprised.

"No, he did not," I argue, my first meeting with Edward was anything but cordial.

"Woman, you have no idea." He says with a laugh. "You have a way of putting a guy in the friend zone without him knowing it, and by the time he realizes it, it's already too late." He adds.

"I take it you are talking about yourself."

"You damn right I'm talking about myself, like I'm going to advocate for another man. I ate out your pussy like a man possessed and I still ended up in the friend zone." I cover my face with my hands because I know I'm blushing vermillion.

"Do you have to be so crude? We are in a packed restaurant if you haven't noticed." I try to admonish but he looks so proud of himself it's hard to do.

"Doesn't change the fact that it's true." He gloats.

"You are incorrigible," I say with a giggle, which quickly ends at the sight before me. Fuck.


	8. Chapter 8

**CHRISTIAN**

"Welch, are you telling me you have nothing on the guy… nothing at all." I shout.

"The only information I can find on Huxley is what is already available on the Internet." He sighs as though he's trying to get through to a toddler.

"What about his connection to Ana?" I ask making every attempt to reign in my anger.

"I saw the request this morning. I will get right on it." This morning is he kidding me.

"What have you being doing all weekend?" I growl.

"I took my wife and kids to Disney world for the weekend…"

"Just do what you can." I quickly hang up. Hearing him say he did something with his wife and kids drained all my anger. There was a time that would have meant nothing.

I force myself to finish my breakfast and quickly make my way out the penthouse. "Do we still have someone outside my brother's house?"

"Yes, sir." Just once I wish he'd answer a question with more than two words.

"Why didn't he inform me when she left the house?"

"His job is to tell Barney or me, I believe Barney informed you of Miss. Steel's whereabouts." I heard what he said, but I find myself practically running towards the building manager.

"Good morning." I greet cordially.

"Good morning Mr. Grey. How can I help you?"

"Yes, it has come to my attention you know Ana St…"

"Mr. Grey, do you have a question pertaining to my job as a building manager." He asks as his stoic demeanor morphs into something close to anger.

"No… could you give her message for me. You don't have to tell me a damn thing about her… I just want a chance to apologize."

"Do you have a question…"

"FOR FUCK SAKE." I roar cutting him off. I turn briskly walking back to the car, but then stop. I shouldn't stop, I should just walk back to my car and go to work but no, not Christian Grey. "What is your name?" I bark.

"Thomas Efron." He doesn't miss a beat.

"Well, Thomas… I am not the kind of man you refuse to answer, you already know that. I will give you a couple of seconds to let that sink in and then we will try again." I sneer.

"Mr. Grey, threaten me all you want you are not going to get an answer from me, but I will be sure to inform Ana of this little exchange." I don't waste a second getting into the car. The moment the doors shut all the blood drains from my face. If Ana needed one more reason to hate me any more than she already does this is it. _Threatening her friends, way to go Grey._

I've spent my morning trying to remember everything I can about Ana, things she told me during our brief time together, something to give me a clue as to where she lives. I can't think of a damn thing, my memory is of her is overrun with our last encounter. "Mr. Grey." Andrea's voice comes over the intercom.

"What is it?"

"Sir, your mother is here."

"Send her in." I haven't seen her since that day in my father's office. "Mom is everything okay."

"Yes, I came to see how you are. I haven't seen you in weeks." She says giving my cheek a kiss.

"As good as can be expected." I lament. For a moment, I'm tempted to wrangle information about Ana and kids from her, but then I recall my encounter with the building manager this morning.

"Why didn't you go after Ana when you knew where she was?" Well, she's certainly not beating around the bush. I don't want to lie to her, there have been enough lies.

"I can't answer that question."

"You can't because you don't know or because you are too ashamed to tell me." She spits.

"I'm too ashamed." I can smell the disappointment coming off her in waves. "I guess I shouldn't ask exactly what you did either that has her sure you are incapable of change." She adds.

"She was sure I would change my mind by the time the baby was born. I changed her mind."

"Well, you did one hell of a job." She says standing up. "No one can fight your battles for you. You have to fight to convince Ana you've changed, that starts with honesty, but it's clear you are not ready, to be honest with her. May I remind you this is not Ana and the children's country of residence.

"Are they leaving?" I stand panicked at the thought of her leaving when I haven't yet had a chance to speak to her.

"Yes. When I don't know. Christian, you clearly made some horrible decisions; decisions that have done some severe damage, now be a man and own up to them." She kisses me on the cheek and walks out.

 **JUNE 11** **TH** **2011**

" _Darling, what a surprise, I was under the impression you found yourself a new play thing." She purrs and I have to grit my teeth, as I need her._

" _Well, it didn't work out… I don't know what I was thinking." She lets out a small chuckle. "I need a sub preferable today," I growl._

" _Christian that is incredibly short notice." God, she is full of it._

" _Elena, on Thursday you were telling me about the number of girls you had lined up. I still have the files I could just call one myself." I'm desperate enough to do it. "And from what my security tells me, Leila is around and wants me back. I'd prefer a new face but…"_

" _No need darling, I will send you the perfect girl right away." I can hear the disappointment in her voice. After all these years the woman is still trying to get under me._

" _Elena, make sure she has little to no hard limits." The mood I'm in, I'm about to unleash hell on her body. "Oh, I need her for the week," I say hanging up._

 _I hit the Escala gym in the basement trying to work off some of the frustration I feel. My visit to Flynn last night has done nothing to alleviate the lack of control I feel. If I had gotten a sub pregnant, she would most likely have terminated the child without my knowing. No, I had to get a college girl with zero life experience pregnant. Fuck, why won't she do as she… I stop short when I realize this was the crack whore. Her high school boyfriend left her high and dry, and she runs from home because she refused to get an abortion. I pull the emergency cord on the treadmill and consider calling Elena back to cancel the sub._

 _I find I'm still staring at the phone when Taylor walks in. "Your guest is here." he turns on his heel and leaves without waiting for my response not that I had one for him._

 _I find her sitting in the family room with a straight back and a rather polished look, minimal makeup from what I can see. "Good evening." I greet._

" _Hello." she moves with the grace of a gazelle. She will do just fine. "I'm Dr. Carter." She adds._

" _This way." I lead her to my office to sign the necessary paperwork. I just about give her a chance to get out of her clothes before we indulge in a punishing four-hour session in the playroom._

 _Sunday evening I feel like my world is not completely out of control, a couple more days with her and... A knock interrupts my train of thought. "Come in."_

" _Mr. Grey I will be leaving soon, but if you need me…"_

" _Leaving, you are here for the week." I almost bellow._

" _I'm sorry sir, Mrs. Lincoln informed me it was only for the weekend, I will have turned her down if she had told me it was for the week." Fuck, Elena is playing with fire._

" _There isn't any way I can get you to stay until tomorrow at least," I ask perturbed to be even doing it._

" _I'm sorry sir, but I'm due at the hospital tonight. I am free Tuesday evening if that will work for you."_

" _Yes, Tuesday will do. What time?" I'd be in my right mind to pay someone to give Elena a good beating; the downside is she will most likely enjoy it._

" _I'll be here at half five. Goodnight sir." Before the door has even shut I'm calling Elena Fucking Lincoln._

" _Elena, I do not have time for your bullshit, which part of I need the sub for the week didn't you hear?"_

" _You wanted someone with little to no hard limits she was it." I can smell her bullshit from here._

" _So, if I pull out the files of the subs you showed me I would not find one that matches my requirement and available for the week?" Her silence is all the answer I need. "Elena, you do not want to play with me. I will end you in a heartbeat." I throw the phone across the room._

 _The one day I need to get home quickly I am stuck in traffic. I'd be better off getting out and walking the rest of the way, but unfortunately, there is a multiple car collision just before Escala, and I will have to walk back and around to get there._

 _When we get home, it's just after six, and she is nowhere in sight. I am not the kind of man to call a sub asking where is she if I had to call to ask you that then I might just as well tell you not to bother coming back._

 _An hour and a half later and she's still not here, I decide a session in the gym is the next preferable option to calling Elena again. Just as I head for the double doors, Taylor comes out and announces her arrival. "It's almost eight Dr. Carter, I am a busy man I do not have the time to sit around and wait for you." I bark._

" _Sir, there was a multiple car collision, every available doctor was called back in, as I had yet to leave the hospital I was already dealing with the injured from the crash." Her explanation is reasonable, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm pissed. "I called Mrs. Lincoln asking her to inform you I was running late. I would have called you directly, but I didn't have your number."_

" _Well, what is done is done. Playroom five minutes." I sound calm and nonplussed, but all I feel is rage, rage for my out of control life, rage for Elena, rage for Taylor and Gail for their judgmental looks._

 _I fall heavily against the whipping bench, and it snaps me out of my anger. "GAIL," Taylor yells as he removes a badly bleeding Dr. Carter of the cross. I look down at my hands with the belt still wrapped around it covered in her blood. Oh god, what have I done? Taylor covers her as best as he can and carries her to the sub room. I drop the belt in disgust and run to my room. I wash my hands till they are red raw and yet I can still see the blood. I should have sent her home or gone to the gym as I intended to._

 _I walk up the stairs the steps to the subs room to apologize for ignoring her safeword. I dimly remember her screaming red. That must have been what brought Taylor to the room. "I don't need stitches." I hear her groan._

" _Are you sure?" That was Gail._

" _Yeah, I'm sure. Just cover my back with this and tape me up. The quicker I can get out of here the better." She doesn't sound angry, but then what you sound like doesn't always mean you feel the same. I should know. I stay in my office till she leaves and I'm sure Taylor and Gail are done cleaning my mess. I sent her a check for one hundred thousand dollars as an apology, and it is promptly returned to me, effectively telling me to fuck off._

 _My door is opened with force and Elena stands there glaring at me. "Do you have any idea what you've done to my reputation?" She barks._

" _Well, if you had done as I asked instead of sabotaging me hoping I will take you to my playroom your reputation would not be an issue right now." I counter nonchalantly._

" _What is wrong with you?" she asks with concern. "Clearly it wouldn't have mattered which sub turned up, they would have left looking the same." She says with a knowing look. I don't respond because she is right. "Christian, you need me… clearly none of these little girls would get the job done. Do as you please… I mean it." She looks hopeful. I keep my hands under the desk because they are shaking with need. I need a brutal session, the kind she used to inflict on me._

" _Playroom… five minutes." I feel sick to my stomach when she smiles triumphantly. I walk through the empty penthouse to the playroom, the closer I get the darker my thoughts become._

 _I feel disgusted with myself for what happened in the playroom with Elena. I knew I should have walked out the moment I entered and nothing but the intent to hurt her entered my mind. Thoughts I carried out and more. The moment I felt sated I ran out of the playroom and wash my skin till it was sore but nothing can erase the disgust I feel._

 _The peace I felt while in the playroom diminished seconds after I left. My week has gotten progressively worse. I lost a printing press I had spent months trying to get to some European I have never heard of. Apparently he is in the mergers and acquisition trade and yet no one this side of the Atlantic has heard of him. And he still managed to beat me to the purchase. That was promptly followed by news of Ana's permanent departure._

 _Friday morning my mum insists I come for dinner to welcome Elliot and Kate back. I have no inclination of going but then remember if anyone knows where Ana is Kate will. " Hey, Elliot." I force a smile on my face. "How was Barbados?" I ask clapping him on the back._

" _We both know you don't give a fuck so don't waste your breath." He says shrugging my hands off his back. What the hell? "Kate you coming?" He turns his attention to her ignoring my stunned look._

" _I'll try one more time and come in." He nods at her and enters the house. While everyone chit chats, I go through my phone wondering if I missed a call, text or email from Elliot to warrant this cold front emanating from him._

" _Oh Christian, you should bring Ana to dinner next week, since she missed the Coping Together gala at the weekend." I take my attention from the phone and stare at her._

" _You haven't told them?" Kate says, and I get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach. "Ana left for Europe this morning." I breathe a sigh of relief. Her choosing to relocate on her own is one issue off my plate, even better knowing it's out of the country. I still need to find her and make sure she is safe and financially settled, and then I can wash my hands of her and get back to my life._

" _Such a shame," Kate says, and my mom responds with a nod. They must still be talking about Ana. My phone rings and though it's Elena I take the opportunity to leave using business as an excuse._

"Mr. Grey… sir."

"What is it?" I growl.

"Barney is on the phone." Olivia whimpers into the intercom.

"Barney," I answer.

"Sir, Miss Steele is at the Mile high Club." I grab my suit-jacket and bolt out of the office. Taylor is behind me without my needing to ask. We arrive at the restaurant, and I begin to panic when I don't see her. When I do my mood isn't any better as she is sitting with that fucker but as I get closer, I realize it's another fucker.

"Ana." I can hear the reverence in my voice. God, she is stunning, she always was but in front of me is a woman, those eyes seem brighter, those plump pink lips look so goddamn inviting.

"Mr. Grey." The coldness in her voice snaps me out of my ogling. She is sat with her back straight, she oozes confidence. Kate was right; the Ana in front of me is a strong, confident woman.

"Are you shitting me?" The guy sitting across from her blurts out. I turn my glare on him, but he just looks at me in what I can only surmise as disgust. "All this time I thought the sperm donor was some college graduate who was in over his head and just left you on your own with two kids." He looks at Ana disbelieving before turning his attention to me. "You must have been what... twenty-six or around there and you… unfuckingbelievable." He rumbles.

"This has nothing to do with you, so I'd advise you to keep your nose out of it. You don't know me and to assume I am the sperm donor as you termed is highly irresponsible." I bark.

"Is he serious?" He asks Ana. "You are the fucking spitting image of Ray. Hell, I'm looking at Phoebe's eyes right now." He bites back before throwing his napkin on the table. He leans down and whispers something into Ana's ear; whatever it is, has her beaming from ear to ear. "I'll be right back." He says glaring at me.

Elliot already told me Ray looks like me, but having a complete stranger actually make that connection upon seeing me for the first time is sobering.

Ana's phone rings and she answers it ignoring the fact that I just sat down. "Hello." She is stunning; I can't get over how beautiful she looks. "Yes, honey I know that, but he is still your big brother." I pay attention when I realize she is talking to Phoebe. "Well if you know that why are you fighting with him about it?" she has such a mom voice. Grace used that tone of voice when she was trying to placate either Elliot or me to stop an argument from escalating. "Put him on the phone." Uh oh. "Raymond Carrick Steele." As if I needed a reminder I had no place in my children's lives. "Now behave, I will be home very soon, and I will help you with your English homework. I love you too." She hangs up smiling.

"Ana I know…" her head snaps towards mine. I believe she had forgotten I was here. As much as I am aware it shouldn't, it pisses me off. "Ana I want to know my children." Fuck I sound like I'm ordering her.

"Want, we all want a lot of things, but it doesn't mean we are going to get it." She goes back to her phone ignoring me. I can feel my palms twitching, it hasn't in a long time. I will happily indulge her if she carries on.

"Ana don't turn this into something bigger than it should be. I know my behavior in the lobby that day was deplorable, but don't deny me the opportunity to know my kids." I say.

"Deplorable isn't the word I would use, the word I would use hasn't being invented yet. Deplorable isn't the word I would use when the man you gave your virginity to looks at you with utter disgust, as he tells you he couldn't believe one pussy could cause him so much grieve." I blanch at her words. "Oh, you think that's bad. My favorite has to be the part where he tells you if he owes you something because you gave him your virginity he has given you a check for five million dollars so that should cover it. And just when you think it can't get any better he tells you to get a plastic surgeon to sew it back in place if it makes you feel better. Now, tell me deplorable is a word you would use if someone said those words to Mia?" No, they will be dead.

"That shouldn't prevent me from seeing my kids. I have no problem taking this to court. The paper you signed isn't valid in a court of law." I smirk, not that I didn't try. I just couldn't get a single judge to validate it without Ana present.

"I am aware of that fact. I will see you in court." She says grabbing her coat from the back of the chair. "Oh, since I will be waiting on you for the court date I take it you have my address for the summons." Fuck, she knows. You can't serve someone when you don't know where they live, and worse since her place of residence is outside the US no court in the country can summon her as she's not in their jurisdiction. "If you don't it's 621 fuck you Avenue just around the corner from asshole street." She delivers all that with an impassive face, not that she's shown any emotion while talking to me.

"Ready to go." Her dinner companion asks.

"That twenty- one-year-old you met is long dead. If you think anything about you intimidates me, think again. Bring your best Grey." She sneers before leaving.

After a few minutes I stand to leave, then a thought occurs to me. "Get me the maître d." I bark at a passing waiter.

"Yes, Mr. Grey." He scurries off.

"Mr. Grey." The maître d is at my table seconds later.

"The gentleman at this table with Miss. Steele what is his name." If I know who he is, I might learn something about Ana.

"Benjamin Braddock."

"I'm sorry… what?"

"That is the name he used sir."

"Benjamin Braddock, as in Dustin Hoffman's character from The Graduate."

"Yes, sir."

"What about his credit card?"

"He paid in cash." Son of a bitch.

"Have every footage of him sent to Grey House." This was my one chance to apologize, grovel at her feet and somehow I managed to fuck it up monumentally.


	9. Chapter 9

**CHRISTIAN**

"What do you have on him?" I ask my mind still occupied with my encounter with Ana.

"His name really is Benjamin Braddock." I look up at Welch, and he simply shrugs his shoulders. "He works for Huxley Publishing in New York. Best guess is at some point he and Miss. Steele worked together." Of course, Ana only ever wanted to work in Publishing.

"Wait a second, don't tell me Ana lives in New York," I growl.

"No sir, Braddock joined the New York office two years ago. There is no sign Miss. Steele ever worked in the New York office. We are currently trying to gain access to their mainframe to ascertain which branch Braddock worked at before moving to New York." This is the best news I've had regarding the search for Ana. Welch on the hand doesn't look remotely confident in this plan. Hell, his body screams defeat, a very rare sight.

"Give me the bad news." I groan.

"Breaking into their mainframe is like breaking into GEH's mainframe. Near on impossible if you do not know the inner workings." I feel Welch's defeat crawling across the floor and infecting me.

"What about Huxley?" I need something on that man; he has taken far too much from me, and it cannot continue.

"I have my team combing through the net looking for pictures of his public appearances. We are looking for pictures of him and Miss. Steele and in what particular country they were taken."

"Get to it," I say dismissing him. The man is annoyingly private, he was born in Sweden, raised in London and Zurich, and has lived in a couple of other countries never mentioned. There is more information about me compared to him. Combing through pictures of is a waste of time but I have to let them try… who knows it might yield some results.

My focus is not on what it should be. All I can think about is Ana and my need to apologize. I finally decide to take everybody's advice and write to her because opening my mouth doesn't work at all. I doubt it will do me much good at the moment, but I do. Writing a letter is one thing, delivering said letter is an entirely different story. It takes me a couple of days to sum up the courage to deliver it myself.

I arrive at Elliot's first thing in the morning before I lose my nerve. I can hear Ava crying her little heart out. I knock, but it takes a while before Elliot answers. "Is everything okay?" I ask as I can really hear Ava.

"No, Ana and the kids left early this morning. Ava woke up, and they were gone, she is not handling it well."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"Yeah, me too." He grumbles. "Can I help you?" He looks pissed; deep down he blames me. If I hadn't been such an idiot, Ana, and the kids would be living in Seattle, and his daughter won't be screaming murder right now because her cousins were nowhere to be found when she woke up.

"Could you give this letter to Ana for me?" Not the best time but it's now or never.

"How do you expect me to do that or did you miss the fact that she left this morning." He bristles with anger. "If you want her to even open the damn thing give it to Ray or Carla." He shuts the door in my face.

I have security sitting outside the house, and somehow they miss Ana leaving. "Miss Steele left this morning and whoever you have watching the house missed it." I bark at Taylor.

"No cars left the premises this morning." Taylor counters confidently.

"Well, Ana and the twins are gone. How do you explain that?"

"I just checked with him when I heard your brother. No cars left the premises this morning." He emphasizes. I run my fingers through my hair wondering how much more of this I can endure.

"Email me the surveillance footage." I bark. As we drive off, I note all the cars in the household are still here. So… how the hell did Ana and the kids leave.

* * *

"I'm sorry you didn't get a chance to see the kids before they left." Mom says with a sadness that twists my gut.

"I see he didn't tell you." Elliot sneers.

"Tell us what?" Dad asks.

"He threatened Ana…"

"What, when did you see Ana?" Mom asks.

"He's having my house watched, and every time Ana leaves his goon squad tells him where she is. She, unfortunately, took a meeting at the Mile High club. He turned up and instead of apologizing for his behavior he threatened to take her to court for access to the twins." Elliot looked positively angry.

"For fuck sake." Dad grumbles and mom just looks disappointed.

"You sat down with Ana and instead of apologizing… for weeks you've been begging for a chance to just apologize and the first chance you get you make yourself more of a villain. What was all the begging for, a ruse to get a face to face just to threaten her." He tosses his napkin on the dinner table and stands up. "Anyone would think you would have learned something by now. Let me give you one piece of advice as a lawyer. You do not stand a chance in hell in court and Ana knows that."

"Christian what was the point? How exactly do you plan on getting her to court?"

"Good question." Kate mumbles.

"I had every intention of apologizing when I made my way there, but then she answered a call from Phoebe and I just… I don't know what happened." I know what happened. Her smart mouth and defiance just set me off. "I know I screwed up and have most likely lost any chance of seeing them."

"When did this happen?" Mom asks, and I know whatever disappointment she feels right now is about to exponentially increase.

"Monday," I mumble.

"I know she will not see you, but I hope you at least tried to apologize." Kate scoffs giving my mom her answer. "She left Friday… you had days to apologize and yet you did nothing again. It seems when it comes to Ana, and the children procrastination is your middle name, and I have to wonder why. You have hesitated time after time.

Dad didn't come back to the table, and the rest of lunch was just awkward. I leave as soon as lunch is over, with the exception of my mom no one really wants me around. I send Flynn a text asking for an appointment first thing tomorrow morning, which he obliges.

Flynn pushes his glasses onto his forehead and furiously rubs his eyes. "Christian I think it's time I referred you to another doctor."

"Why?" I bark.

"It's clear I am not helping you… just when I think you couldn't possibly act more like a complete and utter asshole you somehow manage to exceed my worst expectations. Honestly, I have lost my patience with you, this spectacular display of arrogance and ignorance was the last straw." He is bristling with anger. "We are wasting each other's time." He adds shutting his notebook.

"Flynn, I know I fucked up, she was…"

"She wasn't anything, you went there expecting that same twenty-one-year-old you humiliated, and when she was nowhere to be seen you decided to threaten her only for her to show you, you have no hold over her. Be honest with yourself, you thought if she took one look at you, she would bow to your demands. You are a lot of things, but I didn't think shallow was one. You always bemoaned your looks saying it was just a face, but when things got difficult you resorted to that face. I didn't think it was possible, but you have actually gone backward. Get the fuck out." He stands and walks behind his desk.

"Flynn you can't do that, it's…"

"Get out Christian." He barks much to my surprise. "You make me feel useless as a psychologist, and frankly I'm tired of it." He adds typing away on his laptop. If I thought my week couldn't get any worse, it just did. Despite it been Monday I have Taylor drive me back home instead of GEH, it's been a week since I saw Ana. It occurred to me this morning that she really thought very little of my threat, as she didn't leave Seattle till Friday morning. My only chance of seeing her again is to monitor my parents diligently. I do want to know the twins I may not behave like it, but I am desperate to know my children. Watching my siblings with their kids has made me realize just what I threw away. I think it's time I accept I have no chance with Ana and focus on getting to meet my children. I didn't want to acknowledge the pain gnawing at my insides at the thought, but I lost her a long time ago. I lost her when I spent days trying to get a judge to validate the paperwork washing my hands of the twins, hell, I tried it without her signed copy. I was so sure of my own superiority I thought I could do it without her agreement in place. I lost her the moment I chose to indulge my darkness instead of going to Savannah.

 **ANA**

"No, Uncle Lelliot," Ray says laughing hysterically. I walk into the children's playroom and find them on Skype with Elliot. Ray still hasn't got the hang on Elliot's name, Phoebe, on the other hand, finds it quite easy to say. I leave them to it and get dinner ready. Seeing them like this with the family has me wondering if living here is a good idea. Right now I couldn't care less about Christian and his threat to take me to court.

"Mama, I'm hungry." Of course he is.

"Dinner will be ready in a minute," I say grabbing their plates and cutlery. They both jump onto the high chairs around the kitchen island and eagerly wait for their food. I pull the homemade burgers and fries out of the oven, much to Ray's delight.

"Burgers, you are the best mama." Ray sings. "Can I have two?"

"Are you sure you can finish two?" I ask.

"Uh huh." He responds eagerly.

"Phoebe," I ask.

"One will do, though I want lots of fries."

"What happened to chips?" I tease.

"Uncle Elliot and Aunty Kate call them fries."

"After dinner, I will like to talk to you guys about something," I say as Ray wolfs down his first burger. I get a nod from them and nothing else. I sit down with my burger and turn on the news.

"What do you think about moving to Seattle?" I ask.

"What about Ed?" Phoebe asks looking upset at the thought.

"Forget about me and everybody else. Would you like to be closer to your grandparents and the rest of the family?" They look a little lost. "You don't have to answer now, think about it," I add.

"Did you really leave because of him?" Phoebe blurts out.

"The him, I take it is Christian." I get a nod.

"Yes, he was…"

"Mum, don't try to sugarcoat it." I raise my eyebrow at Phoebe's rather blunt interruption. "We heard Aunty Kate and Mia talking about him. We know he threatened you that is why you left after you told Grandpa Ray and Nana about us." I'm going to kill Kate promptly followed by Mia.

"I don't like him," Ray adds his two cents. Neither do I, but I have been careful not to let my opinion of him influence them. Kate and Mia have managed to do that in one fell swoop.

"What happened between him and I shouldn't influence your op…"

"He doesn't want us… he's only pretending because of you." Phoebe says with a look of anger.

"Where did you get that from?"

"Uncle Elliot." They both respond. For fuck sake, I'm fighting an uphill battle here.

"Neither Elliot, Kate or Mia know what he's thinking. I think you should reserve judgment until you meet him. I am not forcing you to do so it is your decision. It will always be your decision. Okay." They both nod.

"I want to stay here. All my friends are here." Phoebe rolls her eyes at her brother.

"Pheebs," I warn.

"Despite his rather simple reason I agree with him I don't want to move to Seattle." She concurs.

"Just for once, it will be nice if you sounded and acted your age." I groan, and she smirks at me looking far too much like Christian.

"But we can still go and visit," Ray asks.

"Yes, we can always go and visit," I assure them.

"I'm going to call Aunt Mia, we have online shopping to do." She skips out of the room. Rather her than me.

"Mama." Ray crawls onto my lap taking my hand and placing it on his head. I run my fingers through his hair. At least I have one child who behaves his age… well, except when it comes to mathematics.

Just before bedtime we all curl up on the couch to watch Countdown. Ray loves the numbers section and Phoebe naturally the word section. There is something for both of them. "You'd think he'd stop asking for vows after he gets three E's in a row." Phoebe groans. "What word could he possibly get from Z,E,E,E,I,W,S,R,P?"

"SWEEPER," Ray shouts excitedly. Surprisingly he's right.

"Hey, stick to numbers." Phoebe counters with a smile.

"Well done, baby boy." I intone proudly.

"Thank you, mama." He grins broadly.

* * *

"Kate, I haven't forgotten what he did." If anything I remember it more than ever after seeing him at the restaurant. "I do not want anyone influencing the twins decision. If they want to meet him, I'm not going to veto it." I argue.

"Ana, it's not a good idea." She counters.

"Kate he deserves a chance to meet them… if they want it. If he genuinely wants to get to know them, it will show. If it's another ploy to get to me, then he will fail." I argue. "Look there is no point in arguing about this, right now the kids have not made a decision." Although right now the likelihood of them wanting to meet him is about the same as a snowball's chance in hell.

"Okay, how is Edward Warrington-Huxley?" I chuckle at the purr in her voice.

"Last I checked you are already married."

"A girl can dream." She huffs.

"Well try not to dream about my boyfriend. I believe your husband will appreciate a little of himself in your dreams." I say with a chuckle.

"Ana, I need to ask… Edward is he…"

"Kate, he is genuine, this has nothing to do with Christian Grey. Until I told him my association with Christian, he didn't know I knew him or what had transpired with him. And after everything that happened do you think Raymond Steele was going to let just any guy waltz into my life." She giggles at that.

"Got a point there." She concedes.

"Believe me, when I first met Edward I wanted to do nothing more than slap him."

"Oh please do tell."

 **JANUARY 19** **TH** **2014**

" _Nana." Phoebe runs towards my mom. I'm surprised to find my mother as the doors to our suite in the Palais Hansen Kempinski hotel opens._

" _Hello, darling." She coos._

" _Down, down." Ray requests eager to be in his grandma's hands._

" _Look at you two." She says standing back to admire the twins._

" _Grey may be an ass, but he sure makes pretty babies."_

" _Mom, young ears." I chastise._

" _Sorry dear, come here give your mother a hug." I gladly do as I'm told. Carla has become more of a mom since I turned up at Savannah pregnant. I could not have asked for better support from her. She has truly stepped up. "How are you?" She asks as the twins busy themselves running around inspecting their new environment._

" _I'm great mom… busy with the twins and work." I know she desperately wants me to add dating, but right now I don't have time for men._

" _When are you going to give at least one of the line of men vying for your attention a minute of your time? Despite the shit he put you through you have come out of it a strong, confident woman, one that finally realizes she's god's gift to men. Now use that gift and get a few needs met." She huffs._

" _Mom, please." I groan._

" _I'm not saying you have to be serious about anyone but my god Ana the cobwebs needs to be cleared out every now and again." She says with a wink._

" _Mom… no one and I mean no one wants to have this discussion with their parent, no matter how young and hip said parent is."_

" _Why, thank you." She says flicking her hair off her neck._

" _You are too much, but I am glad you are here," I say giving her a hug._

* * *

 _I quickly get dressed and meet Patrick in the lobby, he has finally after all these years convinced me to go to a charity gala with him. Luckily for me, the ballroom is in the hotel we are currently staying in. Though my mom has the kids, I feel better knowing I'm only an elevator ride away. The event is as boring as I expected it to be, Patrick mostly talks business but always manage to finish the conversation with the promise of a large check from the various businessmen and women he is talking to. I head over to the bar for a drink and patiently wait my turn behind two men who should have taken a second to look behind them before they started talking. "So, who is the chick on Patrick's arm?" The blonde asks._

" _Beats me." The dark haired says with an English accent. "Probably some girl out to get what she can from him before he realizes she's only good for a roll between the sheets." The dark haired says with a chuckle._

" _Fraulein, what can I get you?" The bartender asks with a polite smile._

" _A glass of water and scotch, neat." I request studiously avoiding the stare of the two who just noticed I'm behind them._

" _Shit." One of them mutters. I take the drinks from the bartender with a polite nod and walk away without a glance their way._

 _After Patrick gives his speech, I deem it a suitable time to leave but not before saying hello to his lawyer and mine. "Peter, Miriam."_

" _Ana, how lovely to see you. Another knockout speech from you." He says with a smile._

" _What are you talking about?" I might have stood a chance of pulling the lie off if I didn't smile so much._

" _Ana, as much as Patrick would like to pretend he writes his speeches we both know when it comes to appealing to people Patrick wouldn't know his implore from his implode." I let out a small giggle._

" _You wrote the speech?" The dark haired from the bar asks._

" _Oh yes." Miriam, Peter's wife, answers. "Ana here also happens to be the author of my favorite series of books. Number three is on its way soon I hope." She says with a wink._

" _Ana, this Edward Warrington-Huxley." My eyes widen when I realize this is the guy that bought the small publishing house I signed for. Great, I'm making millions for an ass._

" _Pleasure to meet you, Ana." He says holding out his hand, which I ignore._

" _Pleasure, really. Not that long ago I was some girl who was out to get what she could from Patrick before he realizes I was only good for a roll between the sheets." Peter swallows his drink down the wrong pipe. "Peter, Miriam as always a pleasure to see you."_

"With that, I left the gala," I tell a silent Kate.

"Wow, Steele… how the hell did you go from that to now?"

"I woke up the next morning to a large bouquet of white tulips and then as I was having lunch with the kids in the restaurant he came over again to apologize. I told him to get lost."

"I guess he didn't," Kate says with a chuckle.

"No, he did. I didn't see him again till we returned to London when he showed up at Patrick's hoping to find me there except I wasn't and he somehow managed to get Patrick to bring him to mine while he was coming to dinner as Carla and Bob were still staying with me. He told them what he had said, and he again apologized. In the end, Carla hounded me so much I gave in and told him he could stay for dinner. During dinner I realized he wasn't such an ass after all, he spent a lot of the night entertaining Ray and Phoebe."

"It's certainly an interesting story to tell your kids one day," Kate says.

"Don't get ahead of yourself," I say with a chuckle.

After I finally manage to get rid of Kate, I check on the kids, who are both still asleep. I find myself feeling relieved the kids don't have any desire to move to Seattle. There is no way I can prevent the world from finding out they are Christian's kids, all you have to do is take one look at Ray, and it's undeniable. At least here in London, no one knows who Christian Grey is, and my children can have a normal childhood.

 **AN: You can watch a clip of Countdown on YouTube to get an idea of what the show is about. C.J.**


	10. Chapter 10

**MAY 27** **TH** **2012**

 **CHRISTIAN**

" _I have to say I was surprised when you called," Elena says with a purr. I ignore it and place the paperwork in front of her. "What is this?"_

" _How about you read it. It's pretty straightforward you should have no problem understanding it." I've barely slept in the last couple of months. Ana would have had the child by now, I am plagued by nightmares of her living in some squalid building with little to no food and a baby she can't stand the sight of because it bears some resemblance to me. I need to find her, need to know she is safe and healthy._

" _You are ending our business relationship?" She asks shocked._

" _No Elena… I'm ending our business and personal relationship. There will no contact between us." I say nonchalantly._

" _Is this because of what happened last summer?" I flinch despite every attempt to not react._

" _No. My parents found out about us. They know everything." We haven't spoken about it, but from the looks I'm getting it's a forgone conclusion._

" _Oh…" she mumbles._

" _Yeah… it will be foolhardy to think they will just let it go so be prepared to be confronted, and worse be prepared for them to ruin you. I suggest you sell up as quickly as you can and get out of Seattle."_

" _So, that's it." She says clearly angry._

" _What more do you expect from me?" I ask with a sigh. I have no energy to deal with her._

" _Your protection. Your parents will not do a damn thing if you stand by me." I have encouraged this delusion. For six years our sexual relationship had been dead, despite all attempts to get me in bed with her I made my position clear and in one afternoon I fanned her flames of us going back to the way things were. I haven't seen her or replied to a single message since the night Ray had me beaten, and yet she expects me to stand with her against my parents. The fact that I continued to have a relationship with her after that afternoon in the playroom has me questioning my own sanity. I had lost complete control of my faculties and myself and allowed her into my playroom. A playroom I had stripped bare and replaced with an entirely new design because the sight of it reminded me of the worst afternoon of my life. Yet for six months I continued to entertain a friendship and business relationship because I needed her to provide me with subs. I have made some abhorrent mistakes, but that afternoon was one of the worst. It ranks alongside the day in the lobby when I last saw Ana._

" _I'm sorry Elena, but I am not going to side with you against my family."_

" _Do you think they will stand by you if they know the nature of our…"_

" _They know," I say interrupting her pathetic attempt to get me on her side. She looks at me with her jaws on the floor._

" _Are you certain?" Boy, she reeks of desperation._

" _My father, I believe had you investigated." She pales at the news, and I think the gravity of her situation is now sinking in. She silently picks up a pen and signs the papers. As of now I have nothing to do with her. I can get my own subs, Elena Lincoln is of no use to me; this action was long overdue._

 _If I thought Elena would quietly go away I was solely mistaken. Two days later she turns up at my parent's house. Mia sent me a text informing me Elena was at the house. I race there like a man possessed, before I step out of the car I hear raised voices. I walk through the front door just in time to see my mother slap Elena. "Don't you dare tell me you made him the man he is. He worked every god given hour to get to where he is, you pathetic, sick excuse of a woman." Mom snarled menacingly._

" _And where do you think he learned that focus and determination. Hell, where do you think he got the money he started GEH with, the money you refused to give him." Her words are intended to hurt my mother, but it doesn't. However, my dad appears hurt by her comments. Over the years, I have seen the regret he holds for not giving me my trust fund. It didn't help that I threw it back in his face when he tried to give it to me later._

" _You are done in Seattle… go home and read that file then stay in Seattle if you are brave enough. Legally I might not be able to touch you, but there are several ways to skin a cat." My dad says looking at me instead of Elena. Elena with a huff opens the large brown envelope and immediately pales. I quickly realize she came here to find out exactly what my parents knew. In my office I told her my father had her investigated, she paled then too. I believe she feared just this, feared what my parents may have uncovered. Well, now she knows._

" _I have made my stipulations clear." Elena's bravado has completely left the room; in front of me is a cowed woman who looks completely beaten and defeated. "If you break any of the stipulations laid out in that envelope I will destroy you. Do I make myself clear." Dad growls._

" _Crystal." Elena mumbles. She takes one last look at me and walks out without a word._

I was too ashamed and terrified to ask what was in that envelope, the fact is, that day I left Bellevue without a word. Mom tried to talk to me, but I was too ashamed to face her. Elena left Seattle that very evening; a week later everything she owned in Seattle was sold. I saw her in New York a couple of years later, and we had lunch. She was under the impression I knew the contents of the envelope and told me she never meant to deceive me nor did she do what she did because she was a pedophile. Turns out I wasn't the first boy in Elena's life. I was the last but certainly not the first. There had been three before me, one committed suicide at the tender age of twenty-three after she cast him aside for a new teenager. The other later turned to drugs to cope and ended up committing murder to fund his habit. Her justification was that they were headed that way already, and she only delayed the inevitable. I realized just how manipulative and sadistic she truly was, and walked out of the restaurant without a backward glance. She wanted to stay friends; we could have a friendship without my parents knowing she said. I would have been a fool to entertain that thought. If anything I added my own threat in addition to my parents. Especially when I found out, she knew about Ana and the child. How I didn't know nor did I care to ask, but I made it clear if she ever went near Ana or the child it would be the end of her. I will resort to murder if need be.

Over the following years, I have driven my point home by having a few surveillance pictures delivered to her. Every time she visited a BDSM club, spoke to a teenager, hell, every time she brushed her teeth I was watching. She will never go near Ana that I was sure off. If she came upon Ana by chance, I was sure she would turn around and walk the other direction.

* * *

A month after learning about Benjamin Braddock we are still in the dark about how he's associated with Ana. I have kept a close eye on my parents, but so far they have yet to leave Seattle. With the Easter holidays a few days away I have increased surveillance on the family. I also have Carla and Ray under surveillance. Ray knows I have him under watch, in fact, the first night I had him watched he took a flask of coffee out to the guy to help him stay awake. I was furious when I found out he drunk the coffee, for all he knew the damn thing could have been drugged and instead of staying awake he would have been out like a light. "Mr. Grey, Welch is here to see you." The only news that guy delivers is bad news.

"Send him in." I groan.

"Welch." I sit up when I see his rather upbeat demeanor. He walks to my desk and drops three books on it with a flourish. "What is this?" I ask picking up a book.

"That Sir… is Miss. Steele's book. She is a writer, not a publisher. Benjamin Braddock is her editor." I feel every inch of my skin on alert as I pay close attention to the book.

"Rose Lambert." I have read her background check enough times to know it is her name. It's not exactly an alias as Rose is her middle name and Lambert is her birth father's name. If I had any doubt this book is hers, the synopsis at the back of the book clears that up, and my heart beats faster. This is her story; this is the story of my callousness. "Have you read it?" I ask Welch.

"No sir, I haven't had the time." He says busy on his Ipad. "I do however know her character lives in London."She loves London… always wanted to visit. She does, however, know I am aware of that fact, and it's the last place she will go." I say absentmindedly.

"She loves London… always wanted to visit. She does, however, know I am aware of that fact, and it's the last place she will go." I say absentmindedly.

"I believe she lives in Austria." My head snaps up from the book. "We found pictures of her and Huxley and every one of them was taken in Vienna. They have attended several charity functions and festivals in the capital together and for the coups de grâce… when she left here a month ago, she arrived with the kids at Vienna International Airport the following day. If you take the time difference into account, it adds up." He places his Ipad in front of me, and I watch a video of Ana and the kids going through the private exit of the Vienna International Airport.

"Welch, thank you." I run my fingers along the surface of the Ipad. "Keep this to yourself and find out exactly where she is in Vienna." He nods and leaves my office. I call it a day and pack Ana's books into my case.

I shrug off my suit jacket, kick my shoes and socks off and relax on the couch in my office and read Ana's books. Several times I close the book and take a deep breath willing myself to keep reading. It is not an easy read knowing this is her story. She waited for me in Savannah, even in London it took her months to get over me, but she finally did. Everything I have learned so far is right here in the book, which leads me to believe the rest is true. She moved on with her life started dating after the twins were about two years old. The thought leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I drove her away in the cruelest fashion and yet I expect her to still hold a touch for me. It hurts to read this, but I carry on reading.

Her life is one of happiness and peace, why would she allow me back into it when she has fought so hard to have her life the way she wants it. She is financially independent without a cent from me; she is raising two very well adjusted and happy kids. She is the kind of woman men will do anything to get a minute with, I got that minute and instead of cherishing her I fucked her over. She is confident and self-assured; it's not a façade it's who she really is. Deep down I'm still that four-year-old boy hiding from the pimp. All this is a façade. If I stand a chance of getting to know my kids I have to get healthy. Flynn is right I was wasting his and my time. The question is, will he take me back. I need to convince him I am serious about changing for the better. I do not have time to start with someone new. It is time to earn my way back into Ana's Good may never be the couple I want us to be, why would we. As she says in her book we had two weeks, and in that time, we had a handful of meetings. There was no love involved. I affected her but over time, she has come to believes it was infatuation. Infatuation that might have turned to love if we had more time together but we didn't. She rightly says she knew nothing about me and what I knew about her was most likely gained from having her investigated. Why will she leave a man that loves her for who she is and has no desire to change her, that expects nothing but her love in return? That loves my children as though they were his own and they in return adore and admire him, even at their tender age of four they know a good man when they see one. Then it hits me, my reluctance to work towards, and I mean really work towards seeing my children is because I fear they will see me for the monster I am.

My new goal in life is to work hard in hopes that I will at least have a cordial relationship with the mother of my children and a true one with my kids.

* * *

After weeks of pleading and hounding, Flynn finally agreed to see me as a patient again. This time, it was going to be done on his terms, not mine. He wasn't just going to be my sounding board. This time, I had to work on my problems.

"I actually agree with you. Ana wrote this book at a time when she was willing to forgive you. Not changing the location of the main character may have been something she overlooked subconsciously or on purpose hoping you might still find her." Flynn says. "But we will never really know." He adds with a shrug.

"Everything I've read so far is true to who she is or what I know of her at the least. When Ericson last saw Isabelle everything he said to her was word for word the same things I said to Ana. A lot of the dialogue in here is the same dialogue we had when you take out the BDSM. The more I think about it, the more I believe she lives in London. The last picture I got from Welch is her in Vienna during the Easter holidays, but I know I'm right." I rant.

"I take it you've put your people on it?" I shake my head. He lifts an eyebrow at me.

"Ray knows every move I make I can't risk him thinking I know where Ana is. The sudden influx of footages and pictures of Ana around Vienna isn't a coincidence, Ray knows I'm looking so has decided to give me something to sink my teeth into to avoid looking elsewhere. That alone is confirmation Ana is not in Vienna."

"You sound sure of what Ray knows." I give him a smirk, but do not answer the question. "I have to admit it makes sense, but how do you plan on speaking to Ana if you can't search for her."

"She and the kids are going to be here for the summer holidays. Mia let it slip." I say with a smile.

"Ahh… school holidays. That's a significant amount of time here in Seattle and in only a few weeks." Flynn smiles. "If you fuck this up don't bother coming back here. Our time is up, I will see in two days." He says with a handshake and a smile.

"You will."

Over the next three weeks, I see Flynn every other day. The most difficult subject was Elena. To say Flynn was disappointed when I finally disclosed the one thing I omitted telling him was an understatement. I was also very surprised when he advised me not to tell Ana. Yes, admit to the subs I had contracted till Ava was born, as it was a significant moment in my life if it came up, but not Elena. He said there was nothing to be gained in telling Ana about Elena but there was a small niggling doubt in my mind that told me omitting that detail was at some time in the future going to come back and bite me in the ass.

I had lied for so long to so many people I didn't want to do it anymore. I was sick and tired of it. I wasn't sleeping, I was a mess and every time I attended a family dinner, I felt like a stranger among my family. I have always felt I didn't belong but lately more so than ever, and I was solely to blame for the distance I felt. With Ana and the kids due in a few days I knew it was time to come clean. I wasn't doing it for her, but for me, in hopes they will find it in their hearts to forgive me.

"Good God." Mom muttered as she looked around the table in disbelieve. "She was a twenty-one-year-old girl. Did you ever stop to think she was just as overwhelmed by it all?"

"I was scared, so afraid of losing control. I thought the life I had was what I wanted… her news just… I saw my life spiraling out of control, and I was determined to get my way no matter what. The connection with my birth mother occurred when I saw Flynn; even then I didn't want the child. I looked for her because I feared she would end up like Ella." I say shamefully.

"To think if you had gone after her she would have forgiven you," Kate tells me.

"No…. she wouldn't because I still didn't want the kids. That changed after Ava was born… I realized how much I had lost. Despite knowing I was too late, I was determined to get her back. I have been down right idiotic and moronic when it comes to Ana. I handled it all wrong; I acted with stupidity when she was here. I expected the twenty-one-year-old girl I knew, what I encountered threw me and instead of accepting it I fought against it and I lost spectacularly." For a man so brilliant at business, my personal life is a mess of epic proportions, and I have no one to blame but myself.

"Thank you for being honest with us. We have been so caught up in what you did and how for years you chose not to confide in us that we ended up doing the same…"

"No, dad…"

"Christian we haven't been the parents we should have been, at fifteen a complete change in behavior overnight and we didn't question it. You distanced yourself from us for no good reason that we could see, and we didn't question that either. The one time we were lucky enough to know what was going on, and we still didn't question your behavior. We are angry with you for what you did, but we also share some of the blame. Ana didn't want you to know where she was, it didn't mean I couldn't kick your ass for your behavior. We distanced ourselves from you… we did the same thing you did that for years broke our hearts…" For the first time in my life, I witness my father break down in tears. I'm out of my seat in a heartbeat hugging my dad like both our lives depended on it.

After debating with myself for most of the day, I finally give in and attend the Coping Together gala. If I am going to make an effort with my family, I think it's best to attend a charity they started because of me. To prevent others from going through what Ella and I went through. The thought only makes me feel like a hypocrite considering what I did to Ana… she could have easily been another Ella. I arrive early and make my way up to my old room to change. I want to avoid the press and their incessant questions. "Ray, cut it out." I freeze on the step to the third floor. It takes me a moment to get my legs moving again. I stop at the door and listen to the kids talking. "Ray I'm warning you, put the spider down." I hear Ava and Charlie, Mia's boy giggling. The door flies open and a mass of brown hair slams right into me.


	11. Chapter 11

This isn't my story I am just typing it for my sister. Sorry about the repost of Chapter 10 I'm still getting my head around how this works. C.J had a setback and is unfortunately back in the hospital.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Thank you to everyone for their prayers and well wishes. It is greatly appreciated. C.J.**

 **CHRISTIAN**

"Unk Chwistin." Charlie calls out, but I'm frozen staring at Ray, who also appears frozen in his spot with a spider between his fingers. I quickly realize he's about to drop the spider on his sister's hair. I move catching the spider.

"Oh." I hear and look down to find my eyes looking back at me. Unlike her brother and myself Phoebe doesn't blink or appear fazed by my sudden intrusion. She gets up blowing off the tufts of hair on her face.

"Where is the spider?" She glares at her brother who seems to have woken from his stupor. I walk over to the window and free the spider. I turn back to find both of them staring at me.

"Hi, I'm Christian," I say with a small wave.

"We know," Phoebe replies moving over to the bed in the corner.

"Unkle Chwistian." Ava calls with her arms in the air. I indulge her picking her up smiling at her.

"How is my Ava," I ask bouncing her.

"Unkle Chwistian… Way, Fee." She introduces.

"Yeah, baby girl I know," I say with a small smile.

"And yet he didn't want us." Phoebe mumbles before storming out of the room. Ray, on the other hand, looks at me with a hint of sadness I'm all too familiar with. I've seen that look in his eyes many times reflected in others. He follows his sister without a word.

I place Ava gently back on the bed and ruffle Charlie's hair just as Mia walks in. "I see." She mumbles.

"Hey, Mia," I mutter running my fingers through my hair. "Is Ana… is she angry?"

"No, but Pheebs is fuming. The girl has a temper to rival yours." Mia says with a smile.

"Oh." I have no words. "I didn't know what I expected… but it wasn't this."

"Why are you here so early? We didn't think you were even coming." Mia says.

"Maybe I should leave. I've made enough of a mess I really don't need to be adding to it."

"No, stay despite the way we found out you were here we are happy you came… especially mom she'd be disappointed if you left." Yeah, I've done enough of that. I nod and head to the third floor. I can't put words to what I feel… I mean what did I expect when I show affection to my sibling's kids while I didn't know my own. How the fuck did I expect them to react. Christ, I've got a long to go with them, a hell of a long one. If I stand any chance of getting to really know them I need Ana onside.

Two hours later I'm dressed and make my way downstairs, I hear the kids laughing. This time, I know better and keep walking. "You are very tall." I almost lose my footing on the stairs. I turn to find Ray standing at the top of the stairs twiddling his thumbs. His English accent confirms my suspicions of where they live. I think Ana no longer cares if I have that information or not. The kids could easily have stayed at Elliot's with Mrs. Landis.

"Yes… I am." I answer with a smile.

"Mama is really short, and I don't want to be short. I look like you… I hope I will be tall too." I can see his logic.

"You are taller than I was at your age." Then again I was severely malnourished at that age. He looks elated at the news.

"Cool, how tall are you?" He asks walking down the stairs to my level.

"I'm six foot three."

"That is tall. You look nice… are you going to the party?"

"Yes, I'm not really a big fan of parties, but I thought it will be nice, and it's my one chance to see your mother." His face drops when I mention Ana.

"Have you said sorry? When I do something wrong like put a spider in Pheebs lunchbox mama makes me say sorry."

"No, I had a chance to say sorry, and I made it worse." He slaps his hands against his forehead and shakes his head in disbelieve. "Yeah, I know."

"Combs don't work on your hair, it doesn't work on mine." He stands and runs his little fingers through my hair.

"Ray." Mrs. Landis the minder watching them tonight calls.

"I have to go… I didn't like you before, but you are not so bad. Say sorry to mama, okay." He warns.

"I will." Wish it were that easy.

I walk through the kitchen when I hear her. "Jose, you seem to be under the impression that I give a fuck." I look around the corner and see her on the phone. She looks damn right exasperated. "Jose why don't you get on your high horse and fly to the land of Ana doesn't give a fuck." She hangs up and stares at the phone for a beat. "Unfuckingbelievable." She groans before she walks out.

For half an hour I walk through the crowds talking to various people or at least pretending to. I can't take my eyes off her, she looks stunning. She's wearing a backless red dress that hugs her figure with a small train at the back. It takes me a minute to realize she's without a date. Huh, where is Huxley… I have to admit the thought makes me happy. After a few moments, the MC instructs everyone to please take their seats, as the evening is about to begin. Whatever else he says is drowned out by the helicopter that hovers by the boathouse. To my utter dismay, Huxley is lowered down and makes his way towards the tent. He jogs past me to a pouting Ana. He shakes Ray's hand and for the first time, I notice Ana's parents are in attendance. Raymond Steele, that man is certainly a force to be reckoned with. Considering what I've discovered about him the last few months, I have reason to be weary of him more so than ever. They are sat at the table with Huxley's parents he looks like his father with his mother's dark hair. "Christian." My granddad calls getting my attention. "You are staring." He says as I take my seat. I really should not have come, what did I expect, but then again I wouldn't have had a chance to interact with my son. He sounds like a smart boy, I have missed out on so much due to my own stupidity.

This is the first time I've seen my grandparents since they found out about Ana and the twins. They have yet to say a word about what I did and knowing them I will soon be getting a lecture, though they will quietly support whatever I choose to do from now on so will my parents. They are all disappointed about how I handled things with Ana but what is done is done.

The evening is pure torture, watching Ana and Huxley as they enjoy the evening. Huxley has his hands on Ana's bareback, the temptation to storm over and rip his fucking hands off is immense. "Son, You are going to give yourself a hernia if you keep looking over there." Grandpa Theo warns.

I force myself through the proceedings and decide to leave when the first dance auction is over. I make my way through the house and find Huxley standing in the foyer texting rapidly on his phone. I have a distinct feeling this guy is going to be around for a while, and he gets along with my kids… he looks up at me and nods politely. "Huxley." I return his nod and walk past him.

"I know my telling you isn't going to make any difference to what you do. All the same, I thought I'd let you know I'm not with Ana because of you nor did I know your history with her until I mentioned I was always seemed to be up against the same company when it came to publishing houses. I love her and the twins more than I can express… the twins will come around eventually. As stubborn as Pheebs is, Ray has a way of talking her round to his way of thinking. You and I will be in each other's life for the foreseeable future, and I hope we can be… at least cordial with each other." He says before turning to leave. "Get Ray onside and Pheebs will follow." He says walking back through the kitchen.

* * *

"Of course, he turns out to be a decent fucker." I groan pacing Flynn's office.

"Did you speak to Ana at all?" He asks ignoring my rant about Huxley.

"No, I doubt she even knew I was there. I spent most of the night staring at her and not once did she look my way." I moan.

"It sounds to me like the boyfriend might just be the person to help you gain a some semblance of a relationship with Ana, and the kids," Flynn tells me what I already suspect.

"I want to hate him," I mutter petulantly.

"It's natural, he has what you want, and it will be easier to try and take it away from him if he was the least bit of an asshole where Ana is concerned. He may be an asshole for all we know, but not where you need him to be. There is nothing wrong in your thinking it's normal." He says tapping his pen against his notepad.

"Do you believe him when he says his relationship with Ana has nothing to do with you?"

"Yeah, I believe him purely because he'd be in the hospital if he had some secret agenda. After what I've learned in the past few months about Ray Steele he'd be a fool to use Ana against me." I say with a humorless chuckle.

"Have you considered he might just be the way to get your letter to Ana." My head snaps up.

"No amount of words would adequately show my remorse and after what happened at the Mile High club, she will not believe anything I say or write. You were right I took a gigantic step back with my behavior that day. I know I need to do something very significant to earn her forgiveness. What that something is I cannot even begin to guess." I fall back in my seat, the insurmountable task before me weighing me down.

"You are a resourceful man you will think of something. You have your son and Huxley on your side; you've got two ears in the camp. Focus on the positive, if you can't write to Ana, write to your son." I smile as I really like that idea, write to my boy. I can do that.

 **APRIL 9** **TH** **2016**

 **TAYLOR**

" _I've found them," Welch said in triumph._

" _Found who?" I ask with a smirk._

" _Miss. Steele and the children. They are in Austria." He answered with an eye roll._

" _Took us long enough," I growled. "Frank, tell Grey and nobody else," I added gravely._

" _Why?"_

" _I think we have a mole." He didn't look surprised in the least. "How long have you suspected the same?" I ask._

" _For some time, when she disappeared I knew her father most likely used his army connections to get her out of the country, and the chances of us finding her would be difficult but not impossible. The man knows our every move we make, so much so he was having fun with us giving us the runaround." He takes the words right out of my mouth._

" _Who do you think it is?" I ask._

" _For a while I suspected Barney. That line about us being hacked just got my back up… now I genuinely think he was as stumped as the rest of us."_

" _Not all of us. Don't say anything to Grey, this needs to be done quietly. Give it a week or two then let it slip you found her." I advise._

" _What do you expect to happen?"_

" _One of two things. Either we will get a new lead diverting us away from Austria, then at least you know you are right or confirmation she actually lives in Austria…"_

" _Then I know Austria isn't the answer." He adds._

" _Precisely," I say with a smirk._

" _Who do you think it is? He asks._

" _I have my suspicions… I really hope I'm wrong, but I doubt it." I say with a sigh._

" _Jason, are you alright? You've hardly touched your food." Gail says looking worried._

" _I hated what he did to Ana, but I did my job, I did what I was paid to do. The thought of sabotaging his search for her never crossed my mind even though I was happy we never found her. I almost walked if it wasn't for you… Fuck, to think I hired someone to help with finding her only to find out they took the job simply to thwart our attempts to find her. I wasn't prepared to burn my bridges with the Marines to help Grey but fuck I worked every other angle and got nowhere, and now I know why."_

" _GEH has a mole?' She asks wide-eyed._

" _Yeah, I haven't told Grey yet, but Gail I'm prepared to be fired in fact I expect it. How I didn't see it until just a few months ago has me questioning whether I'm fit for the job."_

" _Jason, you are responsible for his personal security, not GEH."_

" _Gail… this is personal." She nods her understanding._

" _I'm going to tell him when he gets back from Flynn's."_

" _I will come with you." I thought she'd say as much._

" _No, I will find something in Seattle. We will get a place of our own we even can afford something in Bellevue with the money we saved up. We will be alright. Sophie can come and visit more, have more freedom in our own home. I think it's for the best." I tell her with a smile._

 _Good evening Sir." he turns looking at me in shock. I'm not surprised, I haven't spoken to him unless I needed to and even then I'm less than cordial._

" _Good evening Taylor." He sounds as surprised as he looks._

" _I have some rather upsetting information to share. I understand if after you hear what I have to say you terminate my employment." If he looked worried before now, he looks…_

" _OFFICE." He barks storming off. "Speak."_

" _Raymond Steele has a mole in our security te..."_

" _I knew it, I fucking knew it. The influx of pictures of Ana and the kids in Austria was just the confirmation I needed." He says with a smile. I have to admit I'm surprised he's smiling. I think knowing he wasn't just paranoid is a relief. I know I felt the same. "Who the fuck is it?"_

" _Luke Sawyer, sir."_

" _Of course, he came in just as this whole thing kicked off. How the hell did this happen?"_

" _His father served with Mr. Steele, in fact, Mr. Steele, Frank Lambert, José Rodriguez Snr. and Abel Sawyer were very close while they served. Turns out, Sawyer was like a brother to Miss. Steele growing up."_

" _How did we miss all this on his background check." Here's where I get fired for gross incompetence._

" _We didn't do a background check. I served with Luke, I would trust him with my life and Miss Steele's." He gives me a raised eyebrow. "I hired Luke to watch Miss. Steele." He chuckles at the information._

" _Yes, I can see why he would be perfect as her CPO. What exactly does Sawyer do on the security team?" Not the question I expected._

" _He's usually sent ahead when you have a trip, and he's backup when Ryan is not available," I answer._

" _Get rid of him on the grounds we no longer need him." He sits back in his chair running his fingers through his hair. "I suspect Miss. Steele lives in London… with the exception of Welch and Barney no other soul finds out about this search. I do not know who else may feel inclined to help Mr. Steele after the way I treated his daughter. Do I make myself clear."_

" _Yes, sir." He waves me away. I guess I still have a job. After we locate Miss. Steele's exact location I'm going to find Luke and give him a piece of my mind. The fact that Grey was calm and barely lifted his voice above his excitement of knowing he was right is surprising. The man has mellowed, since his major fuck up at the Mile High with Ana he seems more subdued in his temperament._

 **CHRISTIAN**

"I take it after speaking to the kids you've figured out where Ana lives?" Dad asks with a barely disguised smirk.

"Yeah, I had an inkling it was London when I read her books. She unconsciously…"

"She has a book." Dad croaks.

"Yes," I answer. "Didn't you know?" I ask surprised.

"No, I knew she wrote for one of Huxley's magazines I didn't realize she had a book…"

"Books, she's got three. It's a trilogy about what I did to her." I add sadly. I doubt there will be a time when I wouldn't feel guilt about what I did.

"Wow… she kept that quiet."

"What did she say about my meeting the kids?" I ask desperate to know if she's going to prevent any contact from now on.

"Nothing actually." He takes a sip of his coffee before continuing. "She has left the decision up to the kids. Son, you have to understand that even if the kids are prepared to know you… you are a long way from being their dad."

"I understand that," I mumble.

"Be prepared to do this long distance. Ana mentioned to your mother that they have no inclination to move back to Seattle. It appears London is permanent." He watches me carefully as he delivers the news.

"I guess I …" Taylor burst into my office interrupting me.

"Sir, Miss Steele and the kids…


	13. Chapter 13

**ANA**

"He's resigned himself to the fact that he's lost you. He's lost enough already I really believe he will not do well knowing his kids at such a tender age don't want to know him." Ed argues.

"Mama look," Ray says excitedly as he feeds a monkey.

"Baby, be careful, you do not want to lose a finger." He just giggles with an eye roll.

"Ed, I agree with you, but I'm not going to force the kids to know him. Anyway, despite what Ray says he's curious. We both know Phoebe will soon cave because her annoying big brother is talking to Christian, but I'm not going to force it." I say with a glare warning him to drop it.

"Okay, I know when to let things go." He placates with a kiss.

"Can we see the snakes?" Phoebe says bouncing with excitement.

"Do we have to?" I loathe snakes.

"Mum please, they are so beautiful." She argues.

"I question your concept of beauty," I reply.

"Cool, as long as I get to see the snakes," Ed smirks at me knowing I'm going to squirm my way through the reptile hall.

"Great, I'm going to be having nightmares of snakes for days to come," I grumble.

"Come on, it's not that bad." My phone beeps before I can reply. I check it and find a text from Carla informing me they just arrived in Savannah.

"Mom and Bob made it home," I tell Ed.

"Your mum…" Edward starts off casually.

"Yes, my mom," I say with a giggle.

"She mentioned you two didn't have much of a relationship, but that changed when you got pregnant."

"Yeah, it's amazing how we see things or think we know how other people feel. Communication goes a long way." Things could have been so different had she spoken to me much earlier than she did.

 **OCTOBER 27** **TH** **2011**

" _Want to tell me what it is that has you looking as though someone just died?" I ask as I attempt to find a comfortable sitting position on the couch. I need something a little high and not so soft._

" _I was incredibly angry when I found out I was pregnant. Frank spent days talking me out of having an abortion." She says looking everywhere except my general direction. "Frank was right though I was only nineteen and he was only twenty-three, we had everything due to him being in the Marines. We would be given a house; your education would partly be paid for. He had all these plans for us…" she says nothing for what feels like minutes, but I know it's only seconds._

" _I was on cloud nine when you were born, I looked at you and my world felt complete… and then it hit me. I didn't want you, I wanted to get rid of you… and I would have if it hadn't been for Frank. I felt shame, an unrelenting gut wrenching shame, and there I was happy to be holding you in my arms. I didn't deserve to have something so pure and clean in my arms. I was filthy, and I didn't want to taint you with it. That stayed with me for so long, and it still does." She wipes away her tear angrily as though she had no right to be crying. "When Frank died I thought it was my punishment, I got something pure I didn't deserve, so something was taken from me because I didn't deserve to be happy. Why should I be when I had no qualms about destroying a life? It would be too easy if I lost you so I lost Frank and I was left alone to face you. To face the very life I…"_

" _Mom…"_

" _No Ana…" For the first time, she looks at me._

" _The worst part is Ray came along, and I asked myself how that could be. Was I being given all these wonderful souls just so what, I could watch them leave? I love Ray more than I…" She blinks in an attempt to rid herself of her tears. "As the years went on I almost forgot… and was happy. Then you fell from the tree house, and I thought my sins had come back to haunt me. I didn't deserve such happiness. In my moment of abject fear, fear of losing you, it occurred to me that for you to prosper, I had to lose you, so that's what I set out to do." My jaw drops, words escape me._

" _I did one stupid, hurtful thing after another and then I met him. I knew he was bad news, but I thought it was what I deserved. I would leave you with Ray, and give you a chance at a real life. Even at my best I was never much of a mother so it was best. I should have known I could not escape that easily… he wanted us to be a family; he insisted you come with us. I was so caught up in my own misery to see why he wanted you despite not knowing you. I didn't send you away because I chose him over you. I sent you away because I believed every word that came out of your innocent mouth. He would have destroyed you, your innocence, everything that made you such a beautiful human being. You would not prosper with me around in your life that was proof enough. I didn't deserve you and every attempt to prove otherwise ended up being just the kick I needed to remind me of what a mistake it would be to stay in your life. How could I come to your graduation when I played no part in you getting there? How could I celebrate a milestone with you when you got there without…"_

" _Mom... no, the world doesn't work like that," I say taking her hands in mine._

" _How can you say that? Haven't you heard a word I said?" she shouts._

" _I did, and I think it's the biggest load of nonsensical bullshit if I ever heard one. It's an exercise gone wrong, that's what took Frank from us and nothing else. The rest is just a series of bad timing and bad decisions… me falling from the tree house was down to my nonexistent sense of balance." I say with an unshakeable belief. "You have punished yourself for twenty-two years it's enough," I shout._

" _You can't explain away just how much of a negative impact I have on your life." She counters._

" _What negative impact?" I will be up and pacing if getting up wasn't so difficult. "You let a moment of weakness dictate your entire life. The only stupid thing you did that impacted my life was throwing away what you had with Ray. That man saw your weakness and manipulated you. I hated the fact that you distanced yourself from me and to think it was all because you have some warped sense of justice. You have been nothing short of my rock since I turned up on your doorstep pregnant. We are having this conversation because a part of you knows you are wrong. If you are telling me this because you think I'm going to agree with you… well then dream on. Now help me up I'm starving." I angrily hurl myself out of the couch and make my way to the kitchen._

" _You are angry?" Talk about asking the obvious._

" _Whatever gave you that idea?" I retort sarcastically. "For years I thought you hated having me, only to find out that it is the opposite, but because you had a wobble when you found out you were pregnant you have behaved less than a mother all these years. Of course, I'm angry, tell me something. What about the last few months, explain the last few months to me." I ask._

" _I want a chance to be the mother I never was, and an opportunity to be a grandmother. I feel as though I finally have a chance to redeem myself." She whispers and I let out a huff of annoyance._

" _Of course, you are going to be a grandmother, I'm not giving you a choice. You are not going to just be there when it suits you. You are either in or out." I look at her with all the seriousness I can convey._

" _I'm in… one hundred percent." She says with a smile._

" _Good. There is an Indian restaurant not far from here, the food is to die for."_

"Bloody hell." Edward blurts out looking wide-eyed. "This was not what I expected." He adds absentmindedly.

"That night all I thought about was how she made a decision but because of my father didn't go through with it. It also occurred to me that she changed her mind because she wanted to, not just because Frank talked her out of it."

"I can understand that. What others do or say do not always sway our decisions. Especially decisions of such magnitude." Edwards reiterates.

"So that night with that in mind… I called Christian…" Edward stares at me surprised before I can say anymore Phoebe starts shouting for me.

"Mum, can we get this, please." She's holding up a lizard sculptured out of glass. It's eerily lifelike.

"Sure, as long as you keep it in your room and I don't have to see it." I am not a fan of reptiles. "Why does it have to be a lizard?" I groan.

"It's not a lizard, it's a Komodo dragon." She argues.

"It looks like a lizard," Ray adds his two cents with a shrug.

After we get Ray a giant stuffed tiger we heard home. "How does pizza sound?" I ask the kids.

"As long as it's not the one with the pineapple." Phoebe grumbles.

"Oh, I like pineapple," Edward says knowing full well Phoebe will go on a rant about fruit on pizza being wrong… except she doesn't get the chance.

 **CHRISTIAN**

I jump out of the car before Taylor has fully stopped. Dad is right behind me. We find mom talking to a doctor and to my horror it's Dr. Carter, the last time I saw her, her back was a mess thanks to me. "Cary, Christian." Mom cries almost falling into dad's hands.

"Grace, what is going on?" He asks as I find myself almost frozen as I stare at her.

"They were on their way home from the zoo when they were hit by a teenage driver who run a red and slammed into them. The trajectory of the car took it into the path of an oncoming vehicle and unfortunately the driver couldn't stop in time and again slammed into them. Phoebe and Edward took the worst of it. Ray and Ana sustained hits to the head and are out cold."

"Dear God." I hear dad mutter as he collapses on the chair.

"I called Ray, Carla and the Huxley's. Carla is on her way back, but I had to leave messages for both Ray and the Huxley's." Mom says inattentively.

"What is happening with Phoebe and Edward?" I manage to ask.

"They are both in surgery." Dr. Carter answers. "But I'm afraid things are not looking up for Phoebe. Phoebe was taken into surgery due to an internal bleed, when she was cleaned up they discovered a glass ornament had pierced her liver and had shattered shredding her it to the point where nothing is salvageable." What is she saying? "Unfortunately, she also has the rarest blood type AB- and the chances of finding a match is very low." That's my blood type they took my blood type.

"Well then take mine… she and I are the same blood type." I say adamantly. "I'm physically fit and healthy I'm more likely to hold out waiting for a liver than she is, so take mine," I say again. I quickly work out what I need to put in place in regards to GEH. I will leave it to the twins. Roz can take care of things until they are old enough to take charge. It's simple; everything I have goes to the twins. That shouldn't take long to put in place.

"Mr. Grey your willingness to sacrifice your life for the child is commendable, not that it's an option, but it's not necessary. The beauty of the liver it's it ability to grow. We will only need twenty-five to thirty percent of your liver for Phoebe." She informs me with a smile.

"Oh… okay then. What do you need me to do." I mutter briefly recalling an article I read about an organ's ability to grow, guess it's the liver.

"Mom, dad, what is going on?" Elliot and a heavily pregnant Kate join us.

"Mr. Grey this way we have a few test to run and some paperwork to fill out." Dr. Carter informs me. I have never felt shame for any of my actions when it comes to my subs but with her… I find I have a slight gnawing feeling in my gut regarding my actions that night.

"I never properly apologized about that night. I should have sent you home. I was too far-gone that night… I am sorry for what I did to you and your back. It's long overdue, but I truly am sorry." I say looking at her as she draws blood from my arm.

"It was a long time ago, apology accepted." Short and simple, though a small part of me thinks she doesn't mean it, but this is not the time to question her.

"What is your specialty?" She checks my vitals and scribbles it down ignoring my question.

"I'm a trauma surgeon." She finally answers.

"So you are not operating on me then?"

"Don't worry even if I was I'm not going to kill you on the table because you made a mess of my back." I know when to shut up.

 **CARRICK**

"Kate, take it easy you are days away from giving birth." Elliot berates, as Kate can't seem to sit down. Grace had Ray's bed moved to the private room with Ana. They detected a swelling in Ana's brain so she has been put in a medically induced coma till the swelling subsides. Ray is medically fine, just a small bump on his head and he's just not ready to wake up. Trauma can have psychological effects on people, and I guess the little man isn't ready to deal with it yet.

Christian walks into the room and stares at Ana and Ray. "They have a few test to run and will come and get me after the results." He says absentmindedly.

"Okay, come sit down," Grace says, as he looks unsure of himself. He takes the chair next to Ray's bed and stares at his son.

"He wants to be tall." He says barely above a whisper. "He was happy to find out I was tall, he hopes since he looks like me he will be tall…" his voice trails off. "I was going to ask you to ask Ana if it was okay to write to him." He looks up at me. "Three years, three fucking years to come to my senses and even then it was after Ava was born." He sounds defeated.

"Christian, you were prepared to give an organ to Phoebe when you thought one might not be found in time for her and yet it was what you wanted to do. As a father I can tell you this it's what any of us would do, and it's what you did. I couldn't be more proud of you." I stop when I see something in the corner in my eye, and I lift my head to find Ray standing at the door staring at Christian, who fidgets in his seat.

"Ray, I didn't expect you yet," I say standing up to shake his hands.

"I was already on my way to Seattle when I got your message. How are they?" He asks walking towards the bed. Grace fills him in on what we know so far.

"You are donating part of your liver?" Ray stares incredulously at Christian.

"It's what any father would do. I know I'm not your favorite person nor do I expect the last four years and my actions to magically be forgiven because I did what any father would do. I want you to know that I am sorry for what I did and given the chance I would love to get to know the twins." Ray doesn't get an opportunity to respond as the surgical team walks into the room.

"Mr. Grey, you are a match for young Miss. Phoebe. Now we will send you for a scan so we can see what we are dealing with." They go on to tell Christian and us what to expect. Christian's liver will grow back in six months or less as he's quite healthy and in great physical shape.

"Do I have time to write a quick letter?" He asks looking anxious.

"Christian, you will have time to do it after the surgery." Grace tells him with certainty. He simply nods leaving the room not before staring at Ana.

Minutes after Christian walks out Ray starts to stare, we all hold our breaths waiting for the little man to come to, we are soon rewarded when he opens his eyes and looks around the room. Our relief is short lived when the machines attached to Ana starts beeping rapidly. "Mama," Ray calls out scared; the room is soon filled with staff. I pick Ray up and get him out of the room, his scream for his Mother is ear piercing.


	14. Chapter 14

**GRACE**

Little Ray is inconsolable; no matter what we try we can't help him to stop crying. I'm afraid until he can get back into the room he will not stop. He needs to see Ana for himself, to know she is all right. "Grace," Amelia calls rushing over with Edgar.

"We got your message when we arrived home. How are they?"

"Edward is still in surgery, so is Phoebe. Ana has…" the staff leave Ana's room, and Dr. Fraser comes over. Carrick, Ray, Elliot and Kate walk back into the room with the little guy.

"Grace, the pressure inside Miss Steele's skull is increasing. We will keep an eye on it for another twenty-four hours if it doesn't improve I'm afraid we will have to relieve the pressure surgically." At this point, I am glad Carrick has taken little Ray for a walk. He is intelligent enough to get the gist of this conversation. Wish I had better news." He says giving me a hug before walking away.

"What happened?" Edgar asks.

"They were in a multiple car collision, and I'm afraid they came off worse compared to the idiot that caused the crash. Ray is the only one up and about." I inform them. "If you make your way to the eleventh floor they will tell you more about Edward's condition and the progress of his surgery."

"Thank you, Grace. We will be back in a bit." They say rushing off.

I take a walk to the cafeteria to get some food for the guys. "Hello, Dr. Trevelyan." I turn around and face Dr. Carter. Any other day and I would have been tactile about this but not today

"How do you know my son?" I ask though I suspect I already know.

"We met a couple times a few years ago." She looks uncomfortable.

"He wouldn't happen to be the reason you dragged Stacy from her break a few years ago." I was in the break room the summer of 2011 when she came in dragging one of my nurses out for an emergency. A few days later I learned the reason why. "If gossiping were an Olympic sport the representatives for the US would come from the staffing pool of this hospital. Your lifestyle is no secret, and neither was your reason for needing Stacy that night." She looks pale enough for me to worry.

"I sign…"

"Do not worry about Christian or his NDA's, believe me, he doesn't put that much credence into them anymore. Would your encounter with him be the reason why you chose to take his blood and check his vitals even though a nurse from the transplant team had been assigned to do it?" She nods.

"I wanted to…"

"It doesn't matter what you wanted. Your history should have been the very reason you stayed away from his case, but instead, you inserted yourself where you shouldn't have." I take a deep breath and decide to let it go. I have made my point. "I hope he at least had the decency to apologize," I ask.

"He did," I smile picking up a large box of food and drinks.

 **CHRISTIAN**

My tongue is stuck to the roof of my mouth. There is nothing to swallow. "Here" I feel a straw against my lips and take a small sip of water.

"How did it go?" I turn my head to find Elliot instead of the healthcare professional I expected.

"It was successful. They do have to keep an eye on Phoebe for some time for any signs of rejection. She will be on immunosuppressive medication for the foreseeable future, but the first three months I believe will be crucial. We are just happy it all went well, and neither of you coded or anything of the sort on the table." This is the most he's said to me in years without that slight look of disdain in his eyes. It had gotten worse since he found out I knew where Ana was for two weeks and yet didn't go after her. I had hoped my confession would go a long way to mending the rift between us, but I was wrong.

"How are Ana, Ray, and Edward?"

"Ana is not doing well, the pressure on her skull is increasing. Ed is out of surgery and is doing as well as can be expected, and Ray is up and talking Ana's ear off since he was told she can most likely hear him." He answers with a chuckle.

"E, we need…"

"We will when you get well." He stands up stretching. "Mom started her shift an hour ago, she was here, but you were still out. Dad is at the station dealing with the idiot who caused all this. I have to get Kate home, but if you are up for it, you have another visitor." Before I can wonder who it is. The door creeps open… "Uncle Lelliot you are taking too long." Thoughts of him making excuses to leave are quickly pushed aside by the sight before me.

"Hey, little man," I choke past the ball of emotion obstructing my airway.

"Hey, Christian" he responds slowly walking towards the bed. He jumps on the seat Elliot vacated. Kids his age usually have a problem with pronouncing the R in my name. Andrea's four year old can't pronounce the letter in general

"There is a CPO outside, he will make sure he get back to his room safely." Elliot ruffles his hair before leaving.

"Are you allowed in here alone with me?" I raise my eyebrow at him.

"Mama is still asleep, Pheebs and Ed too. You is…" he stops and puts his finger up to stop me although I didn't intend on saying anything. "You are the only one awake." He corrects with a smile.

"Does your mom correct you?" I ask trying not to smile as the question clearly annoyed him.

"No, Phoebe." He grumbles. "I'm four, I think I better than most… I'm better than most." He corrects himself again.

"Numbers is more your forte." He levels a beaming smile at me.

"Do you want to play?" He asks shifting happily in his chair.

"Play?"

"We ask each other questions…" I nod in understanding. "You start."

"3 squared." His frown is so adorable, but I keep my features impassive.

"9." He answers with a sigh.

"What is the square root of 3, and round it up at the… tenth number?" this kid is not playing.

"Give me a second… 1.7320508075." His smile confirms my answer.

"Mama is rubbish at anything to do with numbers…" The door opens interrupting us.

"Ahh, Mr. Steele there you are. I guess I can check on you at the same time I check on Mr. Grey." The doctor intones with a smile. He flashes his lights in Ray's eyes, Ray's eyes follow his finger around the room, and he is deemed fine so far. He has a small bump on his head aside from that there are no physical signs he was in an accident. My vitals are stable, and there are no signs of infection. I'm in very little pain and refuse the stronger meds as it makes me groggy, and I doubt I'd be able to work out any sort of sums in that state.

"Raymond." Ana's dad calls at the door with two trays of food.

"Pops, I don't like Raymond, and you know that." He moans.

"Well, I was the first Ray so you have to be Raymond. It will clear up a lot of confusion. He pulls the other chair in front of his namesake and places the tray on it.

"You can be Raymond then." He argues, but it's quickly forgotten when his meal is revealed. "Burger and chips, excellent." He rubs his palms together before shoving a handful of fries into his mouth.

"Grace said your diet needs to be high in protein to help with the healing and build your energy back." He pushes the table towards me and sets up my meal for me just as he did little Ray. I think I will go with that, little Ray, I've heard mom use it.

"Thank you," I say in near whisper and get a grumble in return. It's something.

* * *

Phoebe and Edward wake up later that evening. I soon find out Phoebe's room is next door to mine on the private wing; Ana's is two door's down. GEH built this wing six months ago; I never thought I'd be using it. The rooms are significantly larger, and the rooms don't look as clinical as one expect. "Knock, knock." Mom says popping her head through the door.

"Hey mom, you don't need to keep knocking." I sit up with a groan. "When do I get to go home?" It's been days. Although I ask I'm not ready to leave knowing Ana is still in a coma, and Phoebe is still recovering from the surgery. Little Ray has eaten lunch with me the last four days and I honestly do not want that to end as it will when I'm discharged.

"Don't push it. Christian, you had major surgery. Your routine for the next year is going to be significantly different to what you are used to. Your energy levels will be low, and you will tire quickly. Take this year to relax and spend time with your children and less working." My head shoots up at the statement about my kids.

"Are you sure the decision was left to the twins," I ask. The last thing I need is to piss off Ana anymore than I already have.

"Yes Christian, it is." She says with a smile. "They will come in later to see you." She chuckles at my nervousness. Little Ray and I are cool; Phoebe, on the other hand, is a different story. "Good luck." Mom laughs as she walks out but before the door closes I hear a commotion outside. Mom rushes back into the room looking excited. "Nothing to worry about. Kate's water broke."

"Oh." Was all I could say. I lay my head back on the pillow and remember the week she and Elliot got married. On occassion, she'd just tune out from what was happening around her.,

 **MAY 25** **TH** **2012**

" _Your brother asked you to be his best man, and you turned him down?" Flynn gives me a look I can't decipher._

" _I think the title pretty tells you why I can't be his best… because I'm not the best man for the job. I haven't exactly been a brother. He asked because my parents forced it. A man is supposed to throw a bachelor party and help the groom get ready for his day. Flynn, I don't know my brother, I don't know his friends, I don't know what he likes, even if I did I'd be in a position where I have to be sociable, where I'm not going to lose my temper because someone made the unfortunate mistake of touching me."_

" _Why do you continue to distance yourself from your family. They know about Elena, she's out of the picture. Your fear was them finding out and thinking you a monster, but they know, and the only anger they feel is towards Elena and at themselves for what they believe they let happen to you."_

" _I am a monster. I have a child out there, somewhere… knowing it's now in the world, it can be seen by the world, its features are now clearly visible for all to see. Ask me if I want the child now; ask me if any part of me remotely wishes I wanted it. I want to find Ana and make sure she is alright? She has her father and her mother that much I know, but the nightmares of her living like the crack whore still haunt me, and I want rid of them." I growl._

" _So… the only reason you want to find Ana is to rid yourself of the nightmares you have concerning her?" Flynn struggles to hold back his emotions._

" _Yes. Now tell me I'm not a monster."_

" _Even if she is living like the crack whore, a scenario I highly doubt is the case. What makes you think she will listen or accept anything you have to give. What are you going to do, take the child away from her… and do what?" I scoff and with a huff storm out of his office like the supercilious fool I am._

 _I did not want to dwell on what Flynn said, but I can't help it. The entire time I'm getting ready for Elliot and Kate's rehearsal dinner I find myself deciding what I would do if I found Ana leaving in squalor and still refuses my help. I don't want the child, but I do not want it suffering because I don't want to be a father. God, I had to have an inexperienced girl who is as stubborn as can be. I'm sure we'd be getting ready to attend this wedding together. Hell, I would have been more inclined to be Elliot's best man knowing Ana was Kavanagh's maid of honor. I was prepared to give her more, but being a father was a step too far._

 _I make my way to my childhood bedroom until I have to show my face. The less time I have to spend here the better. "Please, Katie…" I hear Elliot plead. "Ana would not want to see you like this." I hear Kate sobbing._

" _She never dreamt about this… you know with her mother getting married so many times she found it hard to believe in married even though she wanted prince charming and her happily ever after. I asked her to be my maid of honor in our second year… she giggled and said yes."_

" _I am so sorry Katie." Elliot apologizes. Why is he apologizing?_

" _Why are you apologizing?" Kate barks and I almost smile. Strangely the pang of guilt I felt for turning Elliot down dissipates listening to Kate. How I can stand up there with them knowing her day should be full of joy, but it's not because of me. Flynn should witness this and tell me I'm not a monster._

 _I try to be sociable for my brother and parents. The ceremony goes off without a hitch, and I even find myself involved in one of the biggest laughs of the ceremony. When Reverend Walsh asked if anyone had any objections to their union. Elliot growled that I was his brother and crossing him will not end well for anyone who objected. Hell, even I cracked a genuine smile. The reception is as expected speeches and toast are made and to everyone's surprise dad rolls a television to the entrance of the reception tent._

" _Kate, Elliot there is someone who wanted to be here but couldn't but wanted to in some way be a part of your day. He hits the play button, and it takes every cell in my body to not react._

" _Is it on?" Ana's voice melodic fills the tent._

" _Yes." I hear Ray's gruff voice respond._

" _Are you sure?"_

" _Yes Annie, it's on."_

" _How do you know it's on.?" I try to drown out the laughter from the guest and concentrate on her._

" _Annie it's recording." Ray barks, his frustration showing._

" _Okay, okay, no need to bite my head off." She placates._

" _Hey, Kate… oh yeah, Elliot. It is still Elliot, right. The last thing I want to do is cause trouble in your marriage before it even starts." I chuckle at her joke._

" _Annie, that is not appropriate." Ray chastises though he sounds accepting._

" _Crap, how do I look?" She straightens out her shirt._

" _The same way you looked before I started recording. For the love of God, Annie."_

" _Kate… Elliot." Her pause causes the tent to howl in laughter. I never saw this side of her. "Congratulations on your big day. I wish more than anything to be there for you, but circumstances got in the way." She means me. "I love you both and wish you all the best going forward. I will hopefully see you soon, but in the meantime enjoy your day and eat some cake for me." I turn to find Kate openly crying. I think it's time for me to leave._

" _Where do you think you are going?" Dad barks._

" _I…"_

" _I don't care. Get your ass back in there and stay till they leave. For once in your life will you at least pretend to care about us." That cuts more than I care to admit._

I stayed till the end of the ceremony. I even danced with mom and Mia. That was the last time I spent any real time with my family until Ava was born. A lot of things that week should have clued me on to the fact that they knew, but I was so sure they didn't know anything; so I ignored it all. Elliot was apologizing for what I did that day. They all knew I was the reason for Ana's absence but… the door opens, and the sight before me has the potential to open my stitches. "What the fuck do you want?"


	15. Chapter 15

"Christian that is no way to talk to an old friend." Elena sings.

"Yeah, old being the operative word in more ways than one." My look of disgust is clear for her to see and as hard as she tries to let my words affect her. The momentary look of shock and sadness in her eyes was not quick enough for me to miss. Taylor needs to explain this and explain it well. Someone is meant to be watching her so surprises like this don't occur.

"I see you've met your kids. You know I was surprised when you didn't ask me how I knew about her and your children when I let that piece of information slip."

"What do you mean?" I snarl.

"She called you the night you and I had dinner at the Mile High, and you disappeared for twenty minutes leaving your phone on the table. I was snooping on your phone when it rang, and I accidentally answered and would you believe it, it was the girl I warned you against. I knew something was going on with you, and while going through your emails with the charlatan, I found out you had gotten her pregnant, and as luck would have it there she was on the phone desperate to speak to you." I feel the air being slowly sucked from the room. "First thing I did was ask her how she was fairing, you know… considering she was pregnant and all. She was shocked I knew. I told her you confided in me more than anybody else, and you knew I would keep your confidence. She left me her number and asked that you call. Naturally after I was done, I deleted her number from the call log and put your phone back as if nothing had happened. You should have had Barney monitor your phone for such an occasion, but I guess no one is perfect, not even the great Christian Grey." She looks so triumphant it sickening. I want to strangle her. I want to rant and rave about how much I hate her, but that is what she wants. She needs to know she's affected me in some way, no matter how small and I'm not going to give her that satisfaction.

"It wouldn't have made any difference. Yes, I wanted to find her to make sure she didn't live in squalor, and she and the children were healthy. I found out a month later that she was perfectly fine and healthy and living in London. I didn't change my mind about wanting the twins until Ava was born." She looks like I pissed in her bourbon. "Is that what you came here to tell me?" I ask looking smug as fuck though I don't feel it.

"No, I'm back in Seattle for good. There is something known as the statute of limitation…"

"Do you think my father cares about the statute of limitation? The information they have on you need only be made public, and you might just as well be rotting in jail." I chuckle humorlessly.

"I doubt that very much. See, you my dear pet will be telling your parents to let it be because if any negative information about me becomes public. I will be revealing some very damaging information of my own. Like the fact that you had me in your playroom for hours on end when you found out you had gotten her pregnant." She sees enough of my defeated look and smiles before sauntering out.

I am just beginning to make headway with my kids; Phoebe is coming to see me later today. If Ana finds out I went back to the pedophile while she waited for me in Savannah her decision to let the kids know me I believe will no longer… "Tell me that wasn't who I think that was?" dad growls.

"It was… she is back in town for good. Dad, there is something I need to tell you… the one thing I left out."

"Why do I think you are about to render all the work I've put in place to keep that woman away null and void?" he growls. With a shame I can't give words to I tell him about my last sexual encounter with Elena.

"HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID?" He bellows bringing my security and mom in.

"You, you are fired. Where the fuck were you when…"

"I called him away from the door. I needed someone to pick up the food Gail brought. She couldn't carry it up on her own." Mom jumps to his defense.

"Fine," I mutter petulantly. "Get out and stay at your post."

"Now, will one of you fill me in what is going on?" I am forced to repeat myself and the shame I feel is no less than before.

"What were you thinking?" she looks so disappointed I turn away.

"I wasn't. I was so out of control…"

"And now you have ceded control over to that vile woman. I'm beginning to question your level of intelligence… this need for control you have has done nothing but made a mess of your life. You needed control so much that there are fifteen women out there who at anytime could come out and reveal your secrets to the world. You needed control so much it turned you into a shell of a human being been controlled by a pedophile. You needed control so much that you abandoned your own children for what. Tell me Christian what has your need for control ever gotten you?" She pauses waiting for an answer. "And now you have allowed that vile woman back here and don't delude yourself into thinking she will stay away from us because unless you tell Ana everything she will continue to have control over you." Mom spits angrily.

"Those women signed an NDA preventing them from talking," I mutter in defense.

"Tell me something Christian. What is the penalty for breaking the NDA?" dad asks.

"They lose everything."

"The NDA is to keep them quiet..." He stares at me in what I think is utter disbelief. "Now, if they talk to a gossip site or one of these tabloids newspapers with proof such as the contract with your name and signature on it. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of the NDA, because your secret is already out?" I open my mouth only to close it and open again, but I have nothing. How did that never occur to me?

"Elena no matter what she does will never reveal your secret because she will reveal her own as a pedophile. These women, on the other hand, could easily decide whatever you do to them is worth the fifteen minutes of fame, and with you involved it will be more than fifteen minutes." They are pissed and rightly so. Hell, I'm furious with myself. NDAs and my need for control has done nothing but mess me up, and now a cloud hangs over my head just when I thought I was getting some semblance of life.

"Christian." The door slams open and in skips Little Ray followed by a less than enthusiastic looking Phoebe. She looks so small in the wheelchair. "How are you?" he asks practically out of breath. What has he been doing?

"I'm getting better. How are you doing Phoebe?" I find myself holding my breath waiting for an answer.

"Better than I would have been if you have decided I wasn't worth it." Ouch.

"Pheebs." Her brother chastises.

"Thank you, like you, I am getting better… and thank you for the stuff inside me." She amends with an eye roll. "The liver I mean." She adds.

"Mama said to stop rolling your eyes." Little Ray grumbles.

"Ana… chastises you for rolling your eyes. The queen of eye rolling." I say with a laugh.

"Yeah, I know the double standards," Phoebe adds with a huff.

"It's a parent's prerogative." Mom adds I've forgotten they were in the room.

"It's not fair." The little guy hops on the bed.

"Ray, careful," Dad says.

"Sorry." He sings.

"It's okay." I chuckle giving him room to get comfortable.

"So you've decided you want us now?" Phoebe jumps straight in earning a groan from Little Ray. My parents take this as an opportunity to surreptitiously back out of the room leaving me on my own.

"I did a while ago, but I didn't know where you were," I answer honestly.

"Phoebe can you this when his… he is better." Little Ray jumps in.

"It's okay." I'd rather deal with this now.

"I was not a very good man when your mom got pregnant. I didn't want children and…" this is harder than I thought. How do you tell two four-year-olds you wanted their mother to get rid of them?

"You didn't want us, but you also wanted mum to…" she doesn't finish as tears start running down her face. "Charlie." She calls out and the man who pushed her wheelchair in comes back in. The man makes Taylor look positively small. "Please take me back to my room." She says in a whisper. Charlie turns his glare on me in warning.

Ray is still seating on my bed twiddling his thumbs. "I'm sorry… I was not the kind of man any child needed as a father but trying to force Ana to do the unspeakable was wrong. I know that now. I have missed so much, and it's entirely my fault, but I would love the chance to get to know you guys. An opportunity to be a father and hopefully a dad." He looks at me for the first time, and that welcoming look he had in his eyes is all but gone. Without a word, he hops off the bed and out of the room. If I lose him, then I've lost them both.

"What happened?" Mom asks, and I realize she standing by my bed. I didn't hear her come in.

"Knowing I didn't want them I guess is not as bad as knowing I tried to get Ana to abort."

"Yes, Ana wasn't happy to find that they had heard Kate and Mia gossiping about it. As far as they were concerned until recently you just weren't ready to be a father." I think she's telling me this just in case I thought it was Ana's doing. Whether it was or not it doesn't change the fact that I wanted Ana to have an abortion.

"It doesn't make any difference. I believe they wanted me to deny it and I couldn't. Since their mother didn't tell them, they expected it to be lies, but I just confirmed the gossip. One step forward two steps backwards." I shut my eyes and for once find myself praying for a miracle.

 **ANA**

"I thought you'd stay with him." I hear Phoebe just as I open my eyes and immediately shut it against the glare of the lights.

"No… you are angry." Ray's voice is cautious. Phoebe's temper can at times leave most of us reeling.

"Not only did he not want us. He wanted mum to get rid of us. So yeah I'm angry." She retorts.

"Phoebe…"

"Ray, I don't want to hear it. If you want to continue to know him that's fine, don't force me."

"He made a mistake, I make them all the time, and you forgive me all the time," Ray argues. "Phoebe, give him a chance."

"Wow…" here it comes. "How are you so cool with him after finding out he really did want mum to get rid of us. You know what you get rid off… things you don't want, trash, broken toys, leftover food that has gone cold. That is what we were to him." She starts crying her eyes out.

I close my eyes against the light as I'm still struggling. I'm in the hospital that much I know, but the room doesn't look like it. "Pheebs." I sound horse. Ray leaps up and hits the call button. Not a good idea just as the thought leaves me when an army storms the room.

"Mama is awake." He claps his hands to together in glee.

"Pheebs." I manage again. Dad lifts her up onto the bed gently and lays her head down on my shoulder.

"Sorry Pheebs." Ray apologizes realizing his sister is still crying. Phoebe has never been the crying type, even as a baby she babbled a lot when she wanted something but crying was a rarity. I was exceptionally glad for it because Lord knows Ray did the crying for the both of them.

I concentrated on my children as the doctors fussed around me making sure I was not suffering from any… quite frankly I don't know nor do I care right now.

"I want to like him, I really do, he saved me." Phoebe whispers. I look up at my family for clarification.

"Phoebe's liver was severely damaged in the accident. Christian donated thirty percent of his…" I'm sure my jaw is hanging.

"He donated part of his liver," I ask feeling incredulous. I know he's going through some changes, his obvious regret over past decisions is clear to see, but this is unexpected. "Right… I see." I whisper. "How are you Pheebs?"

"I'm well mommy. I have to take stuff for a long time." I nod. I read book ones about a father-son organ donation, so I'm familiar with the need for antirejection drugs.

"Ray, how are you?" I ask my doe-eyed son.

"You awake…."

"You are…" Phoebe cuts in.

"Mama knows what I mean." He grumbles.

"Yes, I'm awake." I giggle with an eye roll.

"I'm fine mama." He finally answers.

I look up at my dad, Carrick, and Grace. "How are Edward and Christian?"

"They are recovering as expected, no complications. They should both be discharged sometime today." Grace answered.

"Aunty Kate had a baby boy." Ray jumps in.

"Oh, fantastic. Elliot must be on cloud nine. A little Elliot Grey." I chuckle.

"Please, no one wants a little Elliot Grey." Carrick grumbles.

"Hey." Elliot protests coming through the door. "Hey, little I heard you had decided to grace us with your presence. Had enough of being lazy?" He teases.

"By the way how long was I out for?"

"Five days."My little man answers. "I counted." Of course, he did.

"I wouldn't expect anything else." I giggle.

* * *

Despite the kids being released, they refused to leave the hospital until I was discharged as well. "Are you going to see him?' Kate asks feeding Alexander Elliot Grey. He looks so much like Elliot; there isn't a modicum of Kate in him.

"I have to go thank him at least," I answer staring at the little bundle of joy.

"Come on Ana, enough of ogling my wife's breast." Elliot teases.

"I can't help myself, and anyway I got to play with them long before you came along." Kate bites her lips to stop from laughing. Elliot's head goes back and forth between Kate and I. He opens his mouth then shuts it, after a beat he takes Alexander and hightails out of the room.

"Really Ana." Kate chastises though she's in hysterics.

"Too good an opportunity to pass up. It's not everyday one gets to render Elliot Grey speechless."

"He looks the same as Pheebs did when she found out Christian donated a portion of his liver… except she had something to say." Do I even want to know?

"Please don't tell me she asked the doctors to take it out." Kate chortles and shakes her head.

"No, she looked around the room as though it was some kind of joke. Then asked the doctor if she was serious."

"Of course, she did." I groan.

"What happened with Christian?" Kate asks.

"He came to the hospital after he was discharged to see me. I just wasn't in the frame of mind to deal with him, but Phoebe talked to him. It's going to take some time for her to get to where Ray seems to be. He seems more accepting of what happened and is ready to move on."

"And you." She asks the million-dollar question.

 **CHRISTIAN**

I finally finish Ana's third book, which I have to admit was a lot easier to read than the first two. The third one starts off with a bang. The Elena character Mrs. Robertson comes back and causes all sorts of havoc even going as far as trying to kidnap the kids. I'm reminded that Elena is back in town, and I know she will not quietly sit on the sidelines and do nothing. My only option is to make sure she has nothing to hold over my head, how I do that presently evades me. Elliot and I finally had our long overdue talk.

 **JULY 17** **TH** **2016**

 _"_ _Christian." Little Ray jumps off the couch and comes over. He pauses for a second before hugging my legs._

 _"_ _Hey buddy, how are you?"_

 _"_ _Good, you can help me do my homework." He stares at me with such hopeful eyes._

 _"_ _I'd be happy to." I join him on the couch taking a look at his homework. "_

 _"This is far beyond what I expected. What year are you in?"_

 _"Y_ _ear One or first grade as you will call it." Phoebe walks in and gingerly plants herself on the couch with a grunt or what passes for a grunt in a four-year-old. Even so, this is not the homework of a first grader._

 _"_ _You skipped Pre-kindergarten and kindergarten… impressive."_

 _"_ _Mama says we are ge… gen… what is it." He turns his attention to his sister._

 _"_ _Oh… you want me to help." The smart mouth on her surpasses Anas'._

 _"_ _Christian," Elliot calls with Alexander in his arms._

 _"_ _Hey E, I was hoping we could talk." I really need to clear the air._

 _"_ _Let me put him down." I nod and turn my attention on the kid's homework though he doesn't really need my help, which Phoebe is quick to remind him._

 _"_ _You don't need any help I do." She grumbles._

 _"_ _You already finished your homework." Ray counters._

 _"_ _Let's talk." Elliot comes down as the argument rages on._

 _"_ _Are they always like that?" I ask as the back and forth carry on._

 _"_ _They are geniuses but at the heart of it, they are still a bunch of four-year-olds. It's a war of words, Phoebe will win though Ray always put up a decent fight." He shouldn't have to tell me that and the look he's giving me is tells me he thinking the same. "You and I are brothers because our biological parents didn't want us. You know what it feels like to have a father who had something better to do than to be there for the girl he got pregnant. I had a mother who thought her party lifestyle was far more important than keeping me so she gave me up. Mia was the same… and you, knowing exactly how it feels to be an unwanted child you repeat the cycle." He lowers his voice remembering the twins are in the living room._

 _"_ _You have all the money in the world, you have a family, we would have done anything and everything to help, but yet again you pushed us away. If not for Ana's courage or mom and dad running into her we would have gone years without knowing you had children out there. You did not stop to think about anyone but yourself. You are one selfish asshole… years after we are still feeling the effects of your selfishness. Ava and Alexander have a niece and nephew who will soon leave. Alexander is too young to understand, but Ava will wake up one morning, and they will be gone. Kate got engaged, got married and had her children without her best friend by her side. The person she always believed will always be there with her and you took that from her. You had two weeks to go after her, two weeks to be a… instead, you shred the back of one of your sex slaves, and that still wasn't enough so you fucked Elena fucking Lincoln." To say I'm shocked is a vast understatement of epic proportions. "And then you lied to me, despite everything I was going to do everything in my power to help you and you looked me in the eye and lied to me. Giving me all this bullshit about knocking on her door several times with no knowledge she had already left town."_

 _"E…" What do I say?_

 _"Christian, Ray is being a tool. help me with my homework." Elliot actually chuckled at her tone._

 _"Like you she doesn't ask, she commands. Get to it Grey." Elliot teased._

 _"I'm sorry," I said sincerely. He waved me away._

 _"Okay Phoebe, let's take a look at this."_

 _"After this... we need to talk." she didn't look at me as she spoke._

 _"Of course."_

In the end, Phoebe spoke, and I listened. She was struggling to get over the fact that if Ana had been a weak girl, she would not exist. It was strange having to hear that from a four-year-old, but I listened. She asked for time, time to get over the hurt. I understood, it had taken me years to sort through things relating to emotions too. She had my personality, my aloofness, my need for independence even as a young child.

I never found out how Elliot knew about Elena. He had a lot more to say, my saying sorry was not enough to mend the damage I'd caused over the years. This wasn't just about the children and Ana, this was about the last fifteen plus years where I had been nothing but a pathetic excuse for a brother and son. He admitted he was also to blame and that he should have called me out on my shit a long time ago instead of just being angry and silent. There are somethings you don't want to hear, and I truly believe if he had confronted me before I was ready I would not have been receptive to it.

"Sir," Taylor interrupts my musings.

"Miss Steele is requesting permission to come up."


	16. Final Chapter

**FINAL CHAPTER**

 **SEPTEMBER 2017**

"Daddy, are you staying?" Ray looks up from his Ipad.

"Yes, I have a few meetings to attend here and a charity gala to attend in France in a few weeks so I might just as well. I can't drone on about the environment while adding to the problem with unnecessary flights." I really need to look into purchasing a home here, there is only so much of any hotel room I can take. I spent a lot of time here and buying a house is the sensible thing to do.

"Oh come on," Phoebe shouts angrily tossing her Ipad on the seat next to her.

"Lost again did you." Ray teases.

"Damn thing…"

"Pheebs, I don't need the grief or the lecture." Last week she swore on the phone much to my dismay. I spent half an hour on the phone placating Ana.

"But dad it's impossible to win. That's my… I've lost count."

"Counting was never your strong suit." Ray mumbles. Within the last year, their level of intelligence has come on leaps and bounds. Though they still tease each other over the other's lesser ability in a particular subject. They are quite even in the sciences. Phoebe has developed a real love for history, while Ray seems to like geography, although they are not as adept in those subjects as they are in Mathematics and English. They've chosen to stay with their current classmates and friends by going to the second grade in a few days, though they were offered an opportunity to start in the fourth grade. I was at first perturbed to hear they had turned it down especially when their reason for the decision was simply to stay with their friends. Something I didn't understand, I quickly was made aware of my folly when Phoebe asked me if I expected them to thrive without friends. I did, but Flynn pointed out that I didn't thrive in my personal life just business and if that was all I wanted for my kids then by all means I should go ahead and force the issue. Safe to say they are staying with their friends. Yes, Flynn is still an integral part of my life. I've cut back on work, my time in Seattle over the past year has mostly been spent with him.

Ana and I have a friendship, not the best of friends, but we get along and not just for the sake of the kids. I have to admit a few weeks after the accident I didn't see us ever getting there after we sat down and talked. She and Edward I heard were having a few problems chief being he wanting to go home immediately, and Ana wanted to stay a little while longer to make sure Phoebe didn't suffer from any complications, and if she did, her doctors that performed the transplant were just a stone throw away. I have to admit that gave me hope especially when Ana came to see me soon after.

 ** _JULY 22_** ** _ND_** ** _2016_**

 _"_ _Sir," Taylor calls again as I seem to be struck silent._

 _"_ _Yes… of course." My voice sounds shakier than I would like, in fact, I prefer it not to shake at all._

 _"_ _Ana."_

 _"_ _Christian, I came to say thank you. Truth be told I'm still a little surprised by it… but all the same thank you very much. I can't tell you... anyway, thank you." With that, she turns to leave. That can't be it._

 _"_ _Is that it?" She pauses but doesn't turn to face me._

 _"_ _What else do you want me to say?" Good question._

 _"_ _I was hoping we could talk." I need to rid myself of Elena Lincoln and to do that I need to tell Ana the truth, right now it's the only thing Elena has against me._

 _"_ _As long as I'm back by six for dinner with the kids." I like that, despite Grace and Carrick's busy professional life's they always made it home for dinner._

 _"_ _I know there is no amount of begging, groveling and pleading on my part that can somehow render what I did and said to you any less painful, but I will do it anyway. There are no words to adequately convey just how sorry I am for what I said to you in your apartment and what I said in the lobby, for even drafting that paperwork washing my hands of the kids." I take a deep breath knowing I'm about to drop the first bomb. "That contract is not legally binding… the truth is I tried to get a judge to sign off on it, but none would do so without you being present. I tried a few judges even the ones that owed me favors wouldn't do it." She looks as impassive as ever and usually I find the lack of emotion on other people pisses me off because I can't tell what their thinking. In this case, it scares me._

 _"_ _Judge Pearson and Ray are friends, he was in the Judge Advocate General's Corps before he became a civilian lawyer. He called my dad after you left his office as he recognized my name on the document. He didn't tell me till after he had you beaten and I got angry at him… he revealed his list of reasons and that was included." I didn't exactly request his services in an official capacity so I left the door open for him to call Ray._

 _"_ _Oh…" Again I am struck silent. A list… what else was on that list?_

 _Anything else." She sounds bored._

 _"If you recall_ _I told you about my mother's friend the one that…"_

 _"_ _Elena Lincoln… what about her?" I had no expectation as to how I wanted this conversation to go, but this would not have been one if I did have any._

 _"_ _The two weeks before you disappeared. I wanted to talk to you, I did want to apologize for my behavior, and I also wanted to make sure you were financially secure."_

 _"_ _I was in Savannah, you knew that." A little bit of anger starts to break through her impassive façade._

 _"_ _I expected you to come back, never once did it occur to me that you wouldn't."_

 _"_ _And if I had stayed… how long do you think it would have taken Kate and Elliot to figure out that I was pregnant and that it was yours considering you were the only man I'd slept with. How was I supposed to hide the pregnancy? After your threat, I couldn't possibly reveal I was pregnant then stick around."_

 _"_ _After speaking to Flynn and deciding I still didn't want the children. I was going to convince you to relocate." I intend on letting it all out today if it kills me… and it just might._

 _"Of course, you were." She mumbles._

 _"_ _I told Ray the NDA no longer…"_

 _"_ _Forgive me if I didn't believe you." She cuts me off. "You never once asked about the pregnancy or how it was progressing, clearly you still didn't want the kids. Which didn't come as much of a surprise… when I called a month earlier, the pedophile told me you had made that clear to her. Naturally, I'm not going buy anything she says, but then you didn't call, and my father's visit confirmed it. So I had to ask myself why you were so desperate to find me." She argues._

 _"_ _The NDA no longer mattered, your parents already knew at that point of that I was under no illusion. I kept having these nightmares of you living in the same conditions as my birth mother lived in. I needed to know it wasn't the case." She wants to say something but refrains._

 _"_ _Please say what you want to say."_

 _"_ _Is there anything else you want to get off your chest?" That's not what she wants to say or ask._

 _"_ _The week you were in Savannah… I contracted a sub, things got out of hand…"_

 _"_ _Dr. Carter." For fuck sake… I don't know whether to be relieved or dismayed._

 _"_ _Okay, Elena came here angry… you should know she never told me about the phone call. I had no idea you called"_

 _"_ _Christian I'm surprised you haven't figured it out, or you have and just want to voice it. I am acutely aware that while I sat in Savannah waiting for you to come to your senses or some semblance of it, you were getting your jollies off with Elena 'the pedophile' Lincoln." The shame that seems to be wrapped around me like a bubble feels suffocating all of a sudden. Just like she thought me I put my head between my legs and try to breathe._

 _"_ _I'm aware you knew nothing of the phone call though it would not have made any difference. I also take it you have forgotten about Luke." Yes, Sawyer, he was privy to everything and reported it all to Ray. I guess she told Elliot about Elena and me, then again it could also have been my parents._

 _After what feels like an eternity, I'm able to breathe with ease. "Elena is back in Seattle and using that last encounter against me. Renders all the dirt my father has on her useless. I had someone watching her in New York, but with the accident and everything that followed we all got sidetracked and missed the communication from our guy." I explain._

 _"_ _Do what you have to do, but I will ask you to wait till the kids and I are out of town."_

 _"_ _Yes, that's fine, I wouldn't want them exposed in this way… tied to Elena. Ana considering who I am and the threats that come with being me I will implore you to get security."_

 _"_ _The kids and I have security, Charlie is very good at his job." Yes, he would be. I also suspect he's the man that kicked the shit out of me._

 _"_ _That big hulking man that Phoebe has wrapped around her finger."_

 _"_ _That would be Charlie." She giggles for the first time, and I feel as if the room has been flooded with oxygen, pure, uncontaminated oxygen. "While they are here with you, you do what you have to do. In London, I doubt anyone knows you outside of business."_

 _"_ _Thank you, Ana."_

 _"_ _If that is all, I have to get back. Elliot wants lasagna, and frankly there is only so much of his begging I can take." She stands to leave and…_

 _"_ _Do you think you will ever look past what I did and give me another chance?" I blurt out and fuck the look on her face is all the answer I need._

 _"_ _After waking up from a coma, finding out your baby girl needed major surgery or the fact that we could have all easily died… I have realized something. Despite you learning I lived in London at my own behest there was a part of me that was worried about you having that information, and it didn't hit me till after the accident. I have spent the last five years living my life with you like a specter hanging over me. Worried about what you would come up with or decide if you ever found us. I have lived my life away from my friends and family. I missed my best friend's engagement, wedding and so much more. I had such dreams and hope and for a moment, I thought my life was truly over._

 _Hell, for a while I hated Kate for talking me into taking her place for that interview, I hated her ambition, because that ambition was the reason she wanted that interview with you. I had a moment where I prayed my son would look nothing like you. There were times I would look into Phoebe's eyes and see that day in the lobby. As far away_ _as I was from you, I could never really get away from you. The accident woke me up, made me realize the power you had over me was what I was giving you. On the other hand, had I not met you..." she pauses and takes a deep breath. "I will not change falling pregnant because of the two beautiful children I have, they have been the highlight of my life, and I am missing out on the little things worrying about a ghost that is not there. I will look at my children and be proud of them and be thankful they are in my life and never again have a negative thought. I am not giving you power over me, not today, not tomorrow, life is too short, and I know it all too well. Get to know your children Christian, but know this I don't come with them."_

With that, she walked out. The disappointment and pain I felt from that visit were quickly directed towards Elena. I knew my father wanted the opportunity to destroy her, but I was the one she manipulated, I was the one she fucked up so badly I couldn't function as a human being without a need for control, she was partly to blame for me missing out on four years of my children's life. It was time to pay the piper.

 **NOVEMBER 12** **TH** **2016**

 _The more I read the notes from the security briefings, the more I want to rip her to shreds. First, she attempts to rent the apartment just below me, which my security thwarted, then she tried a house two doors down from my parents that was also stopped. She now resides in an apartment overlooking Elliot's Bay. I stood in front of the door and try to calm the fuck down. I knock and wait; she takes her sweet time opening and is surprised to see me. She looks over my shoulder expecting to see Taylor. "All alone, Christian." She purrs and I flinch in disgust. If she sees it, she ignores it. "Well, do come in." I walk in and look around. This is certainly not her apartment, no black painted walls._

 _"_ _All this light not bothering you?" Sarcasm was never my strong suit, but when it comes to her, it sips out of my pores._

 _"_ _Can I help you or did you come here to just level insults at me?" She barks._

 _"_ _I came to tell you to leave Seattle… go back to New York and don't ever make the mistake of returning." I say as calmly as I can. "Your attempts to get close to my family and me have so far proved futile, and that will continue to be the case," I warn._

 _"_ _I recall you saying something similar about any attempts I might make to leave New York… and yet here I am." She cackles like the witch she is._

 _"_ _You have no regard for your own well-being." I chuckle walking over to the couch. "Sit." I bark. With a laugh and a head shake, she does as she's told. "Something occurred to me a few weeks ago. When people kill themselves, they leave a suicide note least someone gets accused of murder. Richard Ferguson had a family one that loved him dearly, but couldn't help him, and when he killed himself, they were distraught. They were kind enough to give me his suicide note… well, it's more of a journal, a journal that gives a very detailed account of your time together…" she still looks smug as fuck. "Your name appears more times than I cared to count." I open my suitcase throwing a few pages at her. She doesn't pick it up and stares blankly at me._

 _"_ _Of course, the statute of limitation means the journal as it stands on its own will not have any effect on your life." I take a pause and set up my iPad. "But add this and well it's an entirely different story." I hit the play button; she apparently doesn't recognize the man on the screen till he says his name, Matthew Williams, her second victim currently on parole for manslaughter. He gives a detailed account of his time with Elena, his video is followed by what I consider my trump card, her third victim, Anderson Summers. Summers like me survived her and made something of himself, he is now a respected and prominent lawyer in Los Angeles. His account does not faze her one bit, but when he follows it up with a statement saying he believes Elena is still abusing young boys and can no longer stand by and let it happen, well I find myself feeling smug with a serene satisfaction._

 _"_ _This is bullshit, and you know it. You are having me followed." She rants._

 _"_ _If I were having you followed you wouldn't be in Seattle," I reply nonchalantly._

 _"_ _Can you imagine if Summers goes to the authorities… coupled with the testimonies of two of your previous victims?" I tut shaking my head. "I believe this is what is called a pattern of behavior. You may or may not be still abusing young boys, but by the time the police are through with you that reputation you've built in New York will be in the gutter."_

 _"_ _You cannot expose me without exposing yourself." She sneers. "I doubt Ana will allow you near the kids with that following you."_

 _"_ _First, Ana and I have already talked, she encouraged me to do this, turns out she knew everything and I mean everything. Secondly, what prove do you have that I was one of your victims. I can easily have the authorities believe you are still hurt because I cut you out of my life for stealing from me. You know me well enough to know I would have had something prepared for such an eventuality. I will present papers from years ago that you signed agreeing to leave my family and me alone or else I will prosecute you for embezzlement. You will just look like the bitter and old bitch you are looking to hit me where it hurts with your absurd story about me and BDSM. Not looking so smug now." I sneer in contempt._

 _"_ _I took nothing from you, not one cent." She rages._

 _"_ _Again, can you prove it?"_

 _After everything I've done…" not this shit again._

 _"_ _If you are still in Seattle in three hours, this will become public knowledge, and you will be arrested for child abuse and pornography. I'm sure you do not want to die in prison." With that, I shut my suitcase feeling a sense of relief._

* * *

 _"_ _Oh yes." Dad cheered while we enjoyed dinner. "Elena landed in New York around midnight last night and was met at the gate by the authorities." He added with a chuckle._

 _"_ _That is something to cheer about." Mom raised her wine glass in salute, before draining it earning a laugh from Elliot and myself._

 _"_ _She was arrested for child abuse, endangerment, and child pornography," Dad confirmed. While in Seattle trying to disrupt my life I had my men planting evidence in her New York apartment. The pictures and videos I stole from her house years ago before she left Seattle were put back for the cops to find. Naturally, I cannot be identified in any of them._

 _"_ _You really are going to London?" Mom asked as she emptied the dishwasher._

 _"_ _Yes, I need to actually apologize. A real apology, not the half-assed ones I've given her so far. I will get on my knees if I have to."_

 _"_ _It's the least she deserves, but don't expect her to accept it just like that after all this time." she warned. "Especially after the fiasco at the Mile High." She mumbled._

 _I arrived in London a few days ago, but I have yet to speak to Ana. I finally find the courage to visit her when I see her in the park across from her house reading a book. "Isn't it a little cold to out reading in this weather?" I rub my palms together wishing I had on gloves._

 _"_ _I seem to be fairing better than you are." She looks up from her book. "I'd appreciate it if you will call next time before turning up."_

 _"_ _Yeah, sorry I didn't think about that. I'm feeling a bit… I need to apologize properly. A sincere apology for the way I treated you."_

 _"_ _You already did."_

 _"_ _It wasn't good enough." I snarl. "Despite who I was, the way I was. What my history with abuse... you didn't deserve what I said, how I acted. I will forever regret those few weeks. Ana… I am so sorry, and I hope you will one day find it in your heart to forgive me." I must have rattled on for half an hour. She watched me with a mildly disinterested look before standing up and leaving me on the bench._

"We are almost home." Ray cheers jolting me back to the present. I did not intrude on Ana again; I did speak to the kids a fair bit, especially Ray. Though no new victims were found Elena was sentenced to thirteen years in prison and will forever be on the sex offenders registry. The judge said there was sufficient evidence in the form of the pictures and videos found in her New York apartment to deem Elena a danger to the public. It was a relief to not have to worry about her turning up at the most inopportune of times.

Ana and the twins came back to Seattle for Christmas, and we talked, where she told me she accepted my apology, I felt what Atlas must have felt when Heracles briefly took the world of his shoulders.

"We are here?" Ray bounces on his seat, as we get closer to Anas'. I find myself running my fingers through my hair in an attempt to tame it. "Dad, come on." Ray pushes me or attempts to do so.

"I'm getting out, I'm getting out." I hear her giggle and look up with a smile. "Hey, Ana." I beam at her all attempts at acting casual floats away.

"Could you be any more obvious." Phoebe teases impersonating Chandler from Friends. I have spent my summer watching Friends marathon. It's certainly better than some of the things they wanted to watch.

"Mama." Ray throws himself at his mother; Phoebe is a little more reserved as usual.

"How was your summer?" Ana asks as she ushers them into the house. She heard of a few of their antics but thankfully we managed to keep the worst from her. The attempt to access my recordings of Game of Thrones being one. I blame Elliot for that one, he kept droning on about how brilliant it was, the best thing on TV since cable was invented. I had a lot of free time recovering from surgery to become addicted to a few things. When I picked up the kids, she wished me luck. Fuck did I need it. The first incident took place on the plane when Ray while in the cockpit asked what the autopilot switch did then promptly disengaged it. He knew exactly what he was doing; he had a satisfied look on his face. Yet it took me a while to realize that if you tell my son not to touch something rest assured it's the first thing he would touch.

I drop off their suitcases full of gadgets and books by the front door. Ana is nowhere to be found. "ANA!"I stand by the front door and shout for her. Do I make an excuse and leave... but then I'm reminded of my last visit to Flynn just before our flight here.

 _"How was your summer? You must be ready to return to GEH on a full-time basis." Flynn inquires._

 _"I'm taking the kids to London. School starts in a few days. I will be staying a while, I don't know how long." I shift uncomfortably in my seat._

 _"Clearly you have something on your mind."_

 _"Ana and I have been talking almost daily. She calls to speak to the kids and then asks to speak to me. We rarely talk about the kids… you know general stuff." I have never felt such trepidation in my life._

 _"And now you are going to see her, and you wonder if seeing you will change this happy medium you two have developed."_

 _"Well… yeah." I run my fingers through my hair. "It's different when you come face to face with the man that damn near ruined your life._

 _"Christian, you are going_ backward _. You and Ana have come a long way, give her some credit. I think since you two cleared the air and you finally gave her a sincere apology I believe you two are now in a good place. Don't jump to conclusions, you will only end up sabotaging your friendship."_

"Kitchen." She answers. I haven't seen much of her house except the foyer. I make my way to the back of the house with a great deal of uncertainty and find more of a family area. The kitchen is relatively large with an island there is a dining area to the left and a couch to the right with a large flatscreen on the opposite wall. Ray hovers around his mother while Phoebe is just happy to be seated at the kitchen island. "Would you like to stay for dinner?" Ana looks up at me.

"Yes… thank you." Phoebe eyes me up as I try to contain my smile.

"Okay, guys, dinner, shower, then bed. We have to shop for school supplies…"

"Done and dusted." Phoebe sings looking up from her iPad.

"Just your uniforms then." They both nod. "Thanks." She throws a nod my way.

"No problem." I take a sit next to Phoebe.

"Well, Ray wants burgers and chips. Pheebs is having dumplings and chicken stew, which would you like." I want to say both, but that is just being greedy.

"Would like a bit of both... that is what I'm having." I nod.

"Kate says you are still not back at work." Ana enquires.

"I do go to work, but the days of me spending eighteen hours a day working are over." I pop a piece of chicken into my mouth. I chew slowly savoring the flavor. "I have a life outside of GEH, I may not have known it then, but I do now, and I want to live it. I have kids..." I beam looking at Little Ray, who somehow manages to tackle a burger far larger than his mouth can accommodate. "I can't spend all my time working, there has to be a balance between work and family. I pay my staff very well, some earn millions of dollars in bonuses at the end of the year. They do not need me to micromanage every merger and acquisition."

* * *

"How is Edward?" I ask as the kids haven't mentioned him all summer. I know things with him and Ana weren't great after the accident.

"He's stuck in Vienna at the moment. A few acquisitions are proving tricky and worse he found a mole in his office. I didn't realize your world was so…"

"Cutthroat," I conclude.

"Yeah." She chuckles taking a sip of her wine. The kids have long retired to bed.

"Hence, all the legal hoopla that comes with hiring people especially upper management that have access to confidential files."

"Yeah… so he's busy, but I saw him over the summer. Mia tells me you are dating." For fuck sake, my family needs to learn to shut up on occasion.

"Elliot set me up on a few dates, a few were downright disastrous, some were interesting, but one, in particular, is promising, her name is Angela. I haven't had much time to explore it. I have been busy this summer putting out fires." I shake my head.

"It was cruel of me to not have warned you, but I get it as well not as much these days, and I have gotten better at putting it out before it starts." She giggles.

"They don't do that with my parents." I moan.

"They don't do it with mine neither, but Kate and Elliot have been on the receiving end a few times. Phoebe turned up the heat on Kate's vegetable lasagna. Let's just say in the end there was no difference between the food and the charcoal briquettes Elliot has in his shed. She is not a fan of vegetables in any form." Ana shakes her head in disbelief. "In all fairness, she did us all a favor, Kate's lasagna is an acquired taste, one you do not want to acquire." She informs me with a giggle.

"She and Ray sent an email to every member of staff at GEH giving them the week off to spend enjoying the glorious weather. If Roz hadn't called asking if I had taken leave of my senses, come Monday GEH would have been empty except for me. They sent the email then erased all evidence of it."

"That's taking things too far." Too far, wait till she hears about the autopilot incident.

We spend a couple of hours talking; it's a first for us… talking this much face-to-face. "Ana… I know I asked this a year ago… though your answer was clear, I'm going to ask again. Do you think you can…"

"Christian, don't ask… part of living my life is moving on from what happened, and I have. I forgive you, Christian. I am happy with my life and what we have and have no desire to change it. Yes, we share two amazing kids, and I believe that is our connection. We had a cordial relationship at the beginning of the year; we started emailing and then talking. Here you are sitting in my kitchen talking and not about the twins. Who knows how our lives would have turn out had I not…"

"No, had _I_ not being a complete and utter scumbag of the highest order." I correct.

"But it happened, and here we are being friends and co-parenting; this is us at our best. Don't ask; don't get stuck in a quagmire…" she stops and stares at me. "This is our ending, this how we end. We have both come so far, but I believe this is as far as we go." I can't describe how I feel, a part of me knew this was as good as it was going to get. I know my kids and love them unconditionally, they love me, call me dad… well, Ray does, but Phoebe will get there soon enough. This is our Happily Ever After.

* * *

AN: Thank you all for reading, I'm sure I could have written twice the number of chapters, but I will just be dragging it out. I know this ending isn't going to please everyone, Jasmin, my sister included. I don't think we have argued so much, but I had to write what I set out to write. Again, thank you for reading. C.J.


End file.
